Separated at Birth

Murder defendant Phil Spector and American Idol runner up Clay Aiken

Riots/Garbage

A few days ago there was a riot at a New Castle, Indiana prison. The prisoners who started the riot were transfers from Arizona. I know we get paid for them, but I don’t like the idea of Indiana having to take in prisoners from other States. I don’t want New Jersey’s garbage transported to Indiana, and I don’t want other States’ desperadoes. We have enough garbage and prisoners of our own.
Check into it—I’m sure your State imports problems from other States. Maybe we should just designate one State (maybe Cheney’s Wyoming since he has a boner to exploit Alaska) as the dumping ground—and send it all of the other 49s garbage, rapists, murderers, tax evaders, and people who spoil Harry Potter endings.

Toilet Poll

I'm taking a poll.
When you use a public bathroom, after you do your business, do you pull up and zip pants/jeans and then flush the toilet?
Or do you immediately flush the toilet and then rearrange your clothing?
I do the former and was told that it was 'the wrong way.'

Too much to see here

Today is Tuesday and even with a chance of rain in the forecast, I’m taking today off to try and do some errands and Menard’s shopping with BP.

Nothing much else to report.

Apolo Anton Ohno was good on DWTS last night.

A Surprise Gnome

Spidey*** sent me a wee Surprise Gnome!

He loves it in here in Indiana, and I love Spidey!

Thank you Miss Spidey!!

Clothes/books/$2.50 painting

We visited my sister but didn’t stay the night. After “babysitting” with my mother for a few days, my sis wanted and deserved her solitude.
Respighi’s right. LP came away with some clothes from Finish Line and Man Alive, and a Wii thingy. In fact both places (FL & MA) recognized us from out previous excursions and the two employees tripped over others to get to us first. They must get credit or commissions on sales.

We went to B&N and I got some magazines and two books:
The Yellow-Lighted Bookshop: A Memoir, A History by Lewis Buzbee
The Secret of Lost Things, by Sheridan Hay

Both are set in bookshops. One, a novel, the other non-fiction.

(At present I’m reading a fascinating non fiction book, The Wild Trees by Richard Preston—he wrote the thriller The Hot Zone. The Wild Trees is about the magnificent California redwoods. I’ll blog about it when I’m finished with it.)

I also got two large area rugs and two paintings. One painting would not ring up at the register and, after calling a supervisor and fiddling around with the sku, the supervisor told us that this painting had been on clearance awhile back and “wasn’t even supposed to be on the sales floor.” Huh? I told her that it was the only one like it that we saw. Anyway, she said she’d give it to me, “really cheap” because someone had screwed up putting it back out. TWO DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS!! The rest of the art work was around eighty bucks.
Today is gorgeous outside, so after my coffee and toast I’m going outside to putter aound and try and talk BP into going to Menard’s with me for my annual haul of mulch and potting soil and other accoutrements.

Saturday

LP and I are going to my sister's for the day. We'll probably stay overnight. And, yes, we're goiing shopping. So don't hate.

Party Wrap

The birthday party was held at 3pm because we had to get some pesky work done. Refreshments: Chocolate cake and iced tea
Presents brought in to us: yesterday’s newspaper wrapped in newspaper, a box of Swingline staples, a thumbtack (yes, one thumbtack) and an old telephone cord someone had in the back of her desk drawer. No staplers in Jello.
Fun was had by all.

Clanky sent me this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJVclCaVxmM


Here’s the American version I her back to her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMHv_D-3yso

On the Good Ship Lollipop

My staff has been all gloom and doom and depressed since (basically) last November when the Powers That Be decided to look at outsourcing our department. We’ve plotted and justified and spreadsheeted (I know that’s not a word) until we’re all bored to death about it. People just want to stop guessing and have it laid out. I find people can pretty much deal with a situation if you tell them the facts. When it’s left up to them, they start from the Worst Case Scenario. We’re supposed to get the word sometime in May.
Anyway yesterday I told my staff “Fuck it” (well, I didn’t use that exact phrase) “If we’re going down the pea patch (a Hoosier expression) we’re not going as Gloomy Guses, by golly.” (Do I sound like Shirley Temple in Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm or what??) I told them yesterday that today we’re having a BIRTHDAY PARTY! “Whose birthday?” They asked.
DOES IT MATTER?? Hell, no! At least they laughed. So I’m bringing in cake and stuff and we’ll send out an email to join us for cake. Bring gifts. You can wrap up an office supply in letterhead if you like (or put it in Jello like Jim did Dwight’s stapler)—just bring something to cheer us up.

The artist in me

Soon, I am going to start to paint on canvas.
I am exploring my inner artist.
I will update you on the results.

Ha ha . . .good for Hillary

During a radio call-in on WOKQ-FM, Sen. Hillary Clinton was asked what the United States can do about Sanjaya Malakar, the television show's underdog candidate who critics say lacks any shred of talent. "That's the best question I've been asked in a long time," Clinton said. "Well, you know, people can vote for whomever they want. That's true in my election, and it's true on 'American Idol."'

Art

Meme's "Mackenzie Thorpe" picture vs a Pokemon Pikachu.

any difference? You decide

Manure Tea

1. The weather. The weather Gods are against me. I want to do stuff outside in my yarden (yard-garden, if you didn’t get that) but have been unable to. It’s been raining like Noah’s ark should be parked in the driveway.

2. I think I mentioned that I bought a Tumbleweed Compost Maker. I love it. I’ve been feeding it every day. The instructions say that it works faster with only grass clippings, but bullshit!—That’s wimpy. I’ve been doing shredded newspapers, old leaves, spent daffodil flowers, vegetable kitchen scraps. I had BP put it near the shed so when I go outside to the garage, I can tumble it. Every time I tumble it I chant:

Rumble, tumble, foil and fumble. I love you the most.
Rumble, tumble, foil and fumble, make some ass-kickin’ compost!

(I’m thinking about copyrighting that, so don’t rip it off!)

3. A woman who works with me has a horse. She loves her horse. I gave her a extra heavy duty contractor garbage bag and asked her to bring me some manure. She asked why. Haha. I told her that I wanted to make some mature tea for my plants. She retorted, “Sure, I’ve always wanted to give my boss some shit.” Ha ha again.

Recipe for manure tea:

Horse and/or cow shit
Water
Pantyhose


Put some horse manure into pantyhose (be prepared to not wear the pantyhose again) and tie it off.

Drop the package into a barrel of water and cover.

Steep the manure for a few days . . a week. . . .whatever.

Draw some of the tea and mix with an equal part of straight water. Water garden plants or container plants.

Good stuff

Meme's legs

We're supposed to get snow tomorrow. Where's Spring? I need to mow my lawn. The grass is longer than the hair on Meme's legs.

The Secret backfires

Spidey,
I know you don’t watch Boston Legal, but I just have to share.

Denny Crane is played by William Shatner
Allan Shore is played by Emma's-Lust-Man James Spader

Denny’s at his desk with his eyes closed. Allan walks into Denny's office:

Allan: Denny? Is something wrong?

No reply.

Allan: Denny!?

Denny: The Secret.

Allan: A Secret? You can tell me, we’re flamingos (long story)

Denny: No, not a secret. THE Secret. It’s all about the laws of attraction. I’m thinking of Raquel Welch. I think of Raquel Welch long enough, she will appear here and want me.

Long story short (hee hee) the last part of the episode, some guy says to Denny “there is a woman here to see you.”

Denny: Here to see me? Is she a celebrity? Sex symbol? Show her in!


In walks Phyllis Diller! hahahaha

Proclamation for Tuesday

1. Had my teeth cleaned today. My Dentist said everything looked good and she'll see me in six months.

2. It was Taco Day in the cafeteria--cause for celebration.


3. BP put together my Tumbleweeds Composter bin and it looks faaaahbulous. i can't wait for the wastes to get cookin'!

Catching hell

Yesterday at my sister's was fun, good food, an egg hunt for the little niece and nephew, but I caught Hell from LP for not making him an Easter Basket. Who knew the teenaged Gangsta man wanted a basket with eggs and a Chocolate Bunny?

Eggs/Spidey

I made the hard boiled eggs yesterday and didn't cook them long enough because when I went to drain them and roll them around in the pan to crack them up, it was a holy mess!!! Yuck. So I had to drive over to Kroger's and buy another dozen. The second time I cooked them longer, added vinegar to the water, etc. and they were perfect.
I looked up on Food TV website and here's what I put in the mixture: Mayo, spicy mustard, hot sauce, Woschestershire (sp) sauce, finely diced red onion, parsley, salt and pepper. It was very good.
I also went all Sandra Lee and put the mixture in a baggie, snipped off a corner and piped it into the whites. Eggscellent!
I also made the roasted shrimp and orzo salad and that's fire (fire is a good thing according to LP)

Thanks to Spidey for the Easter E card (she loves me---and it's ditto)
PS: Spidey, I found sixty dollars in a jacket pocket I was going to wear today!!

Happy Easter to you all.

Office Hilarity

There were some really hilarious bits in The Office last night:


1. Angela getting hot and wanting Dwight-saves-Jim recaps from everyone.

2. Michael accidentally cross-dressing—wearing a woman’s suit!!!!! SNORT!

3. Kelly wanting to name her child “Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor” SNORT!!!

4. Poor Toby’s face when Jan and Michael were negotiating.

5. Michael getting negotiating tips from Wikapedia! Haha. His “low talking”


Pretty good half hour—I’m sick of Pam’s wishy-washyness!!!

Oh, and I just found out that Rashida Jones’ (who plays Karen) parents in real life are Peggy Lipton and Quincy Jones. Duh. How did I miss that one?

Rudy/Sex/Politics

Ah, Rudy G (I can him Rudy G because I’m still not sure on how to spell G-u-i-l-a-n-i) says that the voters should focus on his record and not on his personal life--his marriages, affairs and estrangement from his son. Hmmm. That sounds familiar. Newt Gingrich says that he had “sinned” in his personal life—even when he was calling for Bill Clinton’s penis on a platter. Hmmm. The Evangelical preachers who hunt for the verboten HOMO SEX when preaching that homosexuality is a SIN. What about Mitt Romney? Will it come out that he has six wives all under the age of 15? Did John McCain father little Vietnamese chillin when he was in Hotel Hanoi? Is Hillary a lipstick Lez? Does Barack like a little S&M? Does John Edwards have a woman in every port? We all know that Fred “Law & Order” Thompson is a ladies man.
Are there voters out there who believe that a President should appear to have a good marriage and respectful, clean-cut All American kids? Have we ever had such a President? The only one in recent memory I can think of is Jimmy Carter and he, although a wonderful human being, by many accounts, was a shitty president.

Bob/Eggs

I'm reading Bob Newhart's I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This. Good so far.

We had many thunderstorms today but a beautiful sunset so I guess it evened out.

BP will be out of town, so LP and I are going over to my youngest sister's for Easter this Sunday. I'm bringing a roasted shrimp and orzo salad that The Barefoot Contessa made. And Connie wants me to bring the deviled eggs. Bah. I haven't made those in ages. Anyone have anything special she adds to the yolk mixture besides mayo and mustard and paprika?

And is it true that if you put the eggs into cold water, bring them to a boil, cover the pan and let them sit for 15 minutes, you'll get perfect hard boiled eggs? How about shelling them? Run them under cold water? I hate when the shells don't come off in a nice neat pretty way.

I suppose I'll have to go grocery shopping either Friday or Saturday.

Of blue-veined tits and amusement parks

Do people really have fun at amusement parks?
When I was down in Florida the person I went to the conference with and I took one day off and went to Universal Studios.
We went on The Cat in the Hat ride (wait was five minutes), another Suess ride (wait was 10 minutes) then we had lunch at Emeril’s restaurant where the woman at the next table whipped out her big blue-veined tit and nursed her baby. Am I offended by breastfeeding? No. Not discreet public breastfeeding. This woman made a display of whipping out her milky tit. Instead of sitting towards the wall where no other diner could have known what she was doing, she sat facing the entire restaurant and whipped it out. The manager was too much of a pussy to say anything to her. To his defense, she was probably one of those idiots who would have accused him of being “anti-motherhood.” I am not anti-motherhood. I’m anti- having to see a big blue-veined tit and a kid sucking on it when I’m trying to enjoy an overpriced lunch at Emeril’s.
Anyway, I digress. After lunch we waited sixty minutes to ride the Back to the Future ride which sucked and wasn’t worth 60 minutes of my life. My friend then wanted to wait another hour to ride this Earthquake ride, so I said I’d wait by this fake-warehouse building on a comfortable wooden bench while she rode on it. I enjoyed watching people’s faces and hearing snippets on their conversations. Their faces told me that they weren’t having fun. Even the kids were whining and snarling and so I figured out that Disney and Universal and Six Flags and King’s Island and all those other amusement parks are perpetuating a BIG LIE on the American Public. Their commercials promise smiling faces and grandparents having fun with bright-eyed children. But, in fact, it’s a BIG LIE.
I must be cursed because years and years ago when my sisters and I were at DisneyWorld waiting in the long ass line for It’s a Small World ride, another big, big woman a few people in front of us whipped out her tit and breastfed. Any man who is a “breast man” shouldn’t watch when a Big, big woman, or a woman with big blue-veined tits breastfeed their offspring.

The First of April

I won last night's Powerball jacket and will send each of you ten thousand dollars to do with what you wish. Email me at EmmaWrites@aol.com if you want money. You must post here in my comment section what you would do with the money I send.

I'm off to a secuded South Pacific isle to bask in the sun's warmth while a dark and swarthy canaba boy leisurely applies oil over my body.

My only worry now is whether to order the pina colada or the margarita.

Have fun and I'll see you on my return.

Larry Bud/Mowing/Prechopped garlic

If you’re a fan of the old David Letterman show on NBC, you’ll be sad to hear that Larry “Bud” Melman aka Calvert DeForest died a few days ago. He was very funny and I read that he really enjoyed his 15 minutes of fame on the Letterman show.

I cleaned and rearranged the living room and my computer desk yesterday. Today it’s on to my bill paying desk. It’s a mess.

It’s getting ready to pour here today. Today and tomorrow in fact. My neighbors on either side, and the ones across the street have already mowed their lawns! I refuse to mow in MARCH. In fact, I was out on the porch yesterday when I saw the nice neighbor, Bill, mowing. I waved my arms and he stopped. “IT’S TOO EARLY TO MOW!!! IT’S MARCH!!”
He laughed, “But it’s supposed to rain all weekend! I want to get it done.”
Me: “Phewtttttt!”

I didn’t make any coffee this morning, and I could really use some caffeine.

My daffodils and hyacinths look spectacular, I must say.

When I was cleaning my computer area I found a five bucks Starbucks card. I put it in my wallet but I don’t really care for their coffee, it’s too strong and bitter.

Schell, have you ever seen Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller? She looks like you. I don’t like her show, because she uses PRECHOPPED, JARRED GARLIC! No matter how pressed for time someone is, there is always time to chop a freaking clove of garlic! That prechopped stuff is crap and tastes like chemicals.

Same thing with that know-nothing, big-breasted Barbie doll Sandra Lee. I hate her. She uses lemon juice from a bottle! Good God . . is nothing scared? If you have a cooking show . . . . squeeze a real fucking lemon!
Anyway, while I deplore her methods, Robin Miller reminds me of Schell.

Dirty House/Insurance/Lost

When I got back from Orlando, BP, LP and my brother had replaced the ugly green carpet in the living room and front room with Cherry Sienna laminate wood flooring and I love it! They had a helluva time getting the carpet’s backing up—it had pretty much turned to cement. That carpet must have been there since the 70’s. Yuck.

Anyway, they did a wonderful job on the flooring but the rest of the house was a mess! The bathroom. The kitchen. So I took today off and I’m going to rearrange furniture and throw shitloads of trash away, clean my computer area, clean my bill-paying desk and do laundry and clean the bathroom. How’s that for a fun Friday.

We also got some refinancing on our house and the house I owned prior marriage to BP, so I have to visit my friendly insurance agent (he’s really a nice guy—for an insurance agent) and get insurance since the home insurance isn’t going to escrow/mortgage company route anymore.

What else? Oh, if I have time I’m going to watch my Grissom sometime since I taped CSI last night.

A shout out to Spidey since she emailed me info on Elliot Yamin’s new CD. I loved him last year on American Idol and he’s the only Idol whose CD I’d ever consider buying. I’ll get it soon.

LP has Spring Break next week and I guess he’s going to be hanging around the house.

WTF was that with Nikki and Paulo on Lost on Wednesday? (I love the way Sawyer always asked “Who are you??”---my sentiments exactly) How are they advancing the storyline? Are they going to crawl out of their graves? Note to people who find my “dead” body: Wait at least 8 hours before embalming and/or burying me.

Back from Flo

Here are some Headlines:

--Weather was beautiful.

--Rosen Shingle Creek is a beautiful facility. They have a cool 1.25 mile Nature Trail and we saw heron and egrets and snakes, oh my. I felt just like Toohot hiking the Applachian (sp) Trail!

--My room had a whirlpool spa tub. It would have helped Schell's back.

--I heard/met/saw Frank McCourt!! He's bright, witty and funny. He spoke about his 26 years teaching in the NYC school system. We all received copies of his Teacher Man book. He has a children's book coming out in October. "My publisher suggested that I write a children's book. I said why not. It can't be that hard. (he rolls his eyes) Even Madonna's written a children's book, by God."

--During my five day stay I consumed 2 glasses of red wine, one glass of white wine, one cosmopolitan and one bloody Mary, which is more alcohol than I've had in all of 2006 combined. While I got the wine for free, the cost of the last two drinks cost more than the GNP of several small countries.

--I do NOT want to go to work today and do travel reimbursement papers. It's a bunch of tedious shit.

--I was not on or near a computer for five days, and I enjoyed it.

--Clanky is a two faced British Ho. On my blog she said she'd miss me more that Meme, and on Meme's blog she said the opposite. Mean, mean, mean!!

Gone for five days

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Orlando so this will be my last blog entry for about a week. I checked on weather.com to see the 10-day conditions in Orlando and it's supposed to be in the 80's and partly sunny (or partly cloudy if you're Eeyore.)

We applied for our passports yesterday. Awful, awful pictures. "We" meaning BP and me. LP refused to go because "I don't want to go to England! What's there for me to do in London?!" (I even told him that, based on Meme and Clanky, English girls are loose and whorish and he maybe get lucky over there.) Sigh. After about 30 minutes of this I refused to argue anymore and we left. So, Spidey, when I decide to go to England with my husband, I'm dropping LP off at your door for the duration! Or maybe I'll give him to Schell. Or to the Nagual.

I watched the first episode of the new Dancing With the Stars. That was two hours I'll never get back, and Heather McCartney's leg didn't even fly off! What a disappointment!

I finished The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and really enjoyed it. I want Schell and Spidey to read it. There have been many books like this before: A You Can Have It All type book, but it's done with fresh eyes. The premise is basically this: The Universe is boundless and anything you can imagine can be yours. It's the Power of Positive Thinking meets the book Now. It's not for those analytical thinkers, it's more of a feeling book, and naysayers are not welcomed. After applying the principals in the book, you can attract wealth, health, a mate, love . . whatever. Couldn't hurt. I want LP to read it. Whether or not he does, remains to be seen.

Have a good week. See you soon.

Why did I take off a few days from work? I come back and the work's still piled on my desk.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!/Dream

Top ‘o the morning to you and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Yesterday I dug out two overgrown lavender plants and today I have to cut back my ornamental grasses and that should be the end of my clean up.
------------------------------

I had a strange dream last night. It was not exactly cohesive, more like little vignettes strung together:

--There was a huge barn, almost empty. Apparently people had to move. Huge wooden beams exposed in the ceiling and there was a shiny brass lock on the door. I was fiddling with the lock and it came apart in my hands and I remember thinking, “Oh crap, I broke it.” But on the air appeared a map to follow to fix it. I usually hate reading directions, but I did, and repaired the lock.

--I was outside and glanced up in the air and saw this beautiful big Black woman standing up in an open chariot. I remember she was wearing a flowing red and yellow, sort of Asian-looking, gown. She was the most stunning thing I had ever seen. Two other people were with her: One was driving the chariot and the other was holding onto her legs. When they landed she was screaming excitedly that she had won the Miss America pageant. She hugged me so hard and asked if I wanted to work for her.

--I was inside of my house, in the backroom and two gigantic men came through the back door and the cat jumped up on one and they were both so interested in her, they had never seen a cat before and I said, “You need to give her back to me. She not used to you. And you need to leave my house. You don’t have permission to be here.” They smiled and handed back Miss Kiks and left.


--BP and I were riding bicycles down this very winding lane and came upon this really beautiful house. Except for grass, it was totally devoid of plantings and I said to him, “That house would be perfect with some trees, shrubs and other landscaping.” And he said, “And it needs a water feature and some bicycles or a few children’s toys out in front to show some signs of life. And all those things suddenly appeared before our eyes, and this place looked magnificent.

"Where are you Kiki Marie?!!"

Yesterday we had a violent lightning/thunderstorm which lasted from about 6pm into the night. I swear we got 2 to 3 inches of rain. Anyway around 8 LP asked me where the cat was. I didn't know so, we started looking for her. We looked EVERYWHERE. She wouldn't come when we called. She wouldn't come when I shook her food dish. She wouldn't come when BP open and shut the baseement door (she loves to go exploring down there when he goes down there to smoke.) She wouldn'e come when I sprayed room deodorizer (she always comes out from wherever she is when an aerosol can is sprayed.)
I got the sinking feeling she may have run past LP when he opened the front door when he came home at 7. She's done that before but she always just jumps up on the bench to get a good view of my birdfeeders. I looked outside on the porch. No cat. I called. No cat. I looked around the house (as far as I could without getting wet.) No cat.
Then BP called out that he found her. We had looked under every piece of furniture in the house except the green chair in the living room. BP lifted the chair and there she was looking scared as hell. She slunk slow and low away until I scooped her up. That thunder must have scared the bejezus out out of her. Poor lil Kiki Marie.

-----

After being in the 70s yesterday, this morning it's COLD outside! But the rain's supposed to stop sometime this afternoon. Good!

I'm taking today and tomorrow off of work. Next week I'm leaving for a business trip to Orlando and I'll be gone for five days.

Weather/Clean Up Work

It was absolutely beautiful weather here today! I left work at noon and worked in my yard most of the afternoon.
I dug up a five year old hyssop bush.
I dug up a five foot wide patch of catmint. I saved a bit to maybe transplant elsewhere later.
I dug up some Sedum Autumn Joy to transplant elsewhere.
I cut back coneflowers and my seven foot tall Buddelia.
I raked some fall leaves from the beds.
I raked smooth all bare areas. Planting time, I'll put in some red daylilies (I don't care for them, but BP likes them so I'll make a space.) A few weeks ago I also bought some elephant ears and some cannas (for the hummers) that I have no idea where I'll put but I 'll work them in somewhere.
I'll probably feel all that digging in my legs, butt and back tomorrow.

List of things to buy before May:
I need at least one new lavender plant.
Several bags of potting/top soil.
Several bags of pine bark mulch.
Herbs: lots of flat leaf parsley, rosemary, thyme, and two or three different basils (not the ball less English Basil we all know and love!) pineapple sage and some mint.
Lots of container/bedding plants.

BP has also (reluctantly) agreed to put in a paver path for me from the backdoor out to the shed. LP doesn't know it yet but he'll be happy to assist with the digging and hauling.

An Homage to Dead Comics (Part 1)

Mitch Hedberg:

--When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list, they say, "Dufrenes, party of two, table ready for Dufrenes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say the name again: "Dufrenes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufrenes."

--I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi. Some one needs to tell the turkey, "Man, just be yourself." I used to draw you.

--Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!


--I hate turtlenecks. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. All day. Like, if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack, it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

--If carrots got you drunk rabbits would be fucked up.

--I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."



Richard Jeni:

“I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough, let's go west.'”



Sam Kinison:

--There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

--Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the Fuck out of everybody!



Lenny Bruce:

--A lot of people say to me, "Why did you kill Christ?" "I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know." "We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him."

--I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

--If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Spring Forward/Blogger/Early Digging

Daylight Savings Time. Blech. I've changed four clocks, have several more to do plus my VCR. Please. Someone remind me to do this before I want to tape something.

After many many months on Blogger, I finally figured out how to put my own links on the page. Applaude me. My tip would be: If you 're going to do a lot of links, periodically save the template, because sooner or later you'll forget and nagivate away from that page and OOPS your changes and hard work will disappear.

It looks absolutely gorgeous ouside today. Here's my problem: I want to dig up a butt load of catmint and a ratty overgrown hyssop plant/bush and replace them with some other stuff. I want to do the digging now because the grounds been so wet that I figure they'll come out easier. But I don't know if I want to go through the hassle just yet. Really, I have to go to Menard's first and get some big bags of soil. So there's my problem.

Oh! Yesterday I bought a 2007 Farmer's Almanac Seasonal Gardening Guide and it has some good articles: Luther Burbank and His Passion for Plants, Global Warming and Your Garden, The Enchanted--and Enchanting-World of GARDEN GNOMES, The Queen of Herbs (I'll let you guess what it is. Hint: It's one of my favorites.) It was $4.99 well spent.

333 is Attractive

I’ve had my snack of stick pretzels and water. My hair is dirty (I’ll wash it tomorrow.) I’m wearing an orange t-shirt and black shorts to bed (very Halloween colors.)

I placed a BN order, among other things, I ordered the hot new Rhonda Byrne book The Secret. I ordered it and didn’t even see her on Oprah. So there. Supposedly The Secret is based of the principle of attraction. People who put out good thoughts, receive back from the Universe. Something like that. I’ll let you know more after it arrives and I’ve read it.
I looked it up on the Internet and apparently some people are calling this thing “cultish.” It doesn’t sound like the definition of a cult. What’s wrong with putting out positive energy? Seeing the glass half full. Looking on the bright side of life. Being happy with the green grass on your own side of the fence. Letting a smile be your umbrella.
I guess I’d rather pay for a book like that, than pay money to a TV preacher who threatens that God will call him home if he doesn’t raise X number of dollars by such-and-such a date. Don’t the evangelicals preach that if you give them, say, one thousand dollars that the Lord will repay you sevenfold? Or is it seven times seventy? I get my sevens mixed up.

Isn’t seven a magical number? Asians think the number eight is lucky.

We discussed this awhile back:

Daniel Paul Tammet is a British autistic savant gifted with a facility for mathematics problems, sequence memory, and natural language learning. He was born with congenital childhood epilepsy.
Experiencing numbers as colors or sensations is a well-documented form of synesthesia, but Tammet is unique in how specific and detailed his mental imagery of numbers is. He claims that in his mind each number, up to 10,000, has its own unique shape and feel, and he can "sense" whether a number is prime or composite and "see" results of calculations as landscapes in his mind. He has described his visual image of 289 as particularly ugly, 333 as particularly attractive, and pi as beautiful.
Tammet holds the European record for memorizing and recounting pi to 22,514 digits in just over five hours. This sponsored charity challenge was held in aid of the National Society for Epilepsy (NSE) on “Pi Day,” 14 March 2004 at the Museum of the History of Science,Oxford, UK. The NSE was chosen to benefit from this event because of Daniel's experience with epilepsy as a young child. Professor Allan Snyder at the Australian National University said of Tammet: “Savants can't usually tell us how they do what they do. It just comes to them. Daniel can. He describes what he sees in his head. That's why he's exciting. He could be the ‘Rosetta Stone.’”

False Prophet and John Paul

Pope Benny calls Dylan a false prophet. I hate Pope Benny. He's an ultra conservative in-a world-of-Conservatives Catholic. At least Pope John Paul met with all kinds of people . . Jews, Muslims, Hindus. He didn't proselytze (sp?) He was kind of a Live and Let Live Pope (especially fetuses--rofl)--not like this boy Benny. Blech. Aint no one gonna diss Bob to me! He doesn't make himself out as anything other than a singer-poet-songwriter . . what others think of him doesn't concern him. A good example to follow.

I tried to embed "The Cost of War" statistics in my blog again. I wanted it to show up under my profile to the right of the screen, but I could only get it to show up at the very bottom of my blog. Oh, well.

Doc/Vet

Yesterday was a busy one.

I worked until noon, then took LP to the doctor's office. He's been having sinus headaches and I wanted to make sure he didn't have an infection. He doesn't. The doctor said I could give him a Sinutab or a over-the-counter Claritin every day. I don't/won't do this. He doesn't have trouble every day, so why medicate him every day? I should have saved the 50 bucks.

Then I took Nesta (who I call Miss Kiki Marie more than I call her Nesta) to the vet's to get her annual rabies shot. She HATES that carrier and wails all the way to the doc's office. I talked and cooed to her. This cat never meows/wails unless she's in that carrier. Poor kitty. Doc says she's healthy and fully grown at seven pounds. He said "Some cats are fat; some are skinny." Hm. Words of wisdom. It was the fastest vet visit ever. We were in and out of there in under ten minutes--and that includes the time it took me to write a check! Miss Kiki Marie was glad when we returned home, and promptly ran into LP's room and up on his bed.

Rats/Hunger/ and Robins

Random thoughts:


1. I saw this headline on cnn.com: “Rats chew off baby’s nose”
Who wants to read that crap? Not me.

2. Is there a bigger turd on TV than Tucker Carlson?

3. I had an 11 am meeting with my boss. He talked and talked and talked some more. It was noon. I was hungry. I tend to get mean when I’m hungry (shocker, I know.) I wanted him to shut up so I could go & have lunch. He said something I’m sure he thought was quite insightful, and then looked at me for affirmation, or something, and I gave him that Jim from The Office Look—you know that head tilt and semi shoulder shrug. So he shut up and I went to lunch. I ate a hamburger with jalapenos and banana peppers, half order of fat crinkle fries, and a Dasani water. When I partake of bottled water I hear Verb whisper to me that “bottled water is the biggest con perpetrated on the American public,” but I enjoyed it anyway. I also had a Reese’s Peanut butter cup, and felt better.

4. After all this horrible weather—the snow, ice, salt and rain—I finally ran the car through the car wash and, boy, does it look spiffy.

5. For dinner we had homemade tacos, then I drove LP to the video store and he rented Flyboys and that Robin Williams’ Man of the Year. What was Robin Williams’ last good movie? I can’t think of any I’ve enjoyed since Dead Poet’s Society. Most of his stuff is true crap. Sorry, Robin.

6. I know a real life man named Robin. I always thought of Robin as a girl’s name. I wonder if boy-Robins feel emasculated. My Mom said that Meredith used to be a man’s name, but in this day and age Merediths are women. Wonder when that switch happened. I know a man Gale, and a woman Gail.
I know a man Gene and a woman Jean.
I know a man Lou and a woman Lulu (besides you, Lubbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeee)

Turbo Scratcher

This is a Turbo Scratcher cat toy. My cat LOVES it! Nesta's never been one for cat toys. She'd rather chase/fetch a tossed straw or a red dot from the laser pointer, but I bought this yesterday and she LOVES it. It has a golf ball embeded into the ring so it rolls around, and corrugated cardboard in the middle for scratching. It came with a packet of catnip to spread around the cardboard, but she's never been one for catnip so I didn't use it. She lays on it and bats at the ball, then she'll scratch the cardboard, then she'll jump on it, then she'll crouch down beside it and leap on the ball. Now she's just sitting atop it like she's the Queen of the World.

Admit it . . this picture is MUCH better than the Ball-less Basil on Meme's blog!

LP and I visited my Mom yesterday. All's well there. It snowed a little bit, but the drive home was gorgeous. The sun finally came out and the skies were actually blue. I can't remember when the last time I saw a blue sky was.

Good News/Bad News/Friday

Good news:

1. My sister emailed yesterday that our Little Rock/Clinton Library trip is all set for May! YAY! We're staying at the Peabody Hotel and it will be fun.

2. I'm buying bagels for breakfast this morning.

3. It's Friday.

4. LP and I are visiting my mom and staying over Saturday.


Bad news:

1. Weather sucks

March/Cinnamon Scone/Doe's

March is coming in like a lion. We've got a full blown thunderstorm here: complete with thunder and lightning. Ugh.

Update on yesterday: We bought tax lady Judy a cinnamon scone and received a bigger refund than anticipated. Don't think the two events are related. With having to prepay quarterly estimateds, we just never know how much we'll receive/have to pay.

Oh! Judy's family's originally from Little Rock. I mentioned that my mom, sister and I might make a trip there this spring to go to Bill Clinton's Presidential Museum, and she lit up. Another Bill fan! Evidently Bill has an upstairs apartment on property that he stays in whenever he's in town. She gave me some tips on restaurants. . . . especially one named Doe's. It's a little hole in the wall, but a Little Rock icon and a Bill hang out. She said that her ex husband was one of Bill's good friends and they hooked up with Bill on several occasions. No, I didn't ask her to define "hooked up."

No Work/Errands

I am taking off of work today. BP and I have an appointment with Judy, our tax lady this morning. Then he and I are going out to lunch and do some errands.

I went to my bank yesterday and asked about the George Washington dollar coins. They said they didn't order any and the only way they'll get them is if a customer brings them in. The nerve! So anyway a friend went to buy stamps at the Post Office and the lobby machine gave him dollar coins as change. So I guess I'll do that. I saw the coin live and in person yesterday and it's quite pretty.

In May the Post Office is raising the price of their first class postage stamp to 41 cents.

Oh! That reminds me . . I have to get passport applications for all of us.

Two of My Favorite Green Men

Larry David (drives a Prius; his wife Laurie is very active in environmental causes)

Ed Begley, Jr & his wife Rachelle. Living with Ed. 'Nuff said

19 Time Loser

This is movie sound mixer Kevin O'Connell. He was nominated last night for Apocalypto. he lost to Dreamgirls. He's been nominated 19 times, he's lost 19 times. Poor thing. Story.

"How many people win an Oscar? How many people get nominated for an Oscar in their life? It's insane, just to be part of that is an incredible feeling, so I don't get discouraged."

From CBS:

For each of his nominations -- starting in 1984 for "Terms of Endearment" up to his most recent, for "Memoirs of a Geisha" in 2006 -- O'Connell has penned an acceptance speech, all of which are tucked away in a drawer at home.
"Some of them are written on the back of a business card, some of them are written on the back of a napkin," O'Connell said ahead of Sunday's Oscars. "I collect memorabilia, so it's become an extension of my hobby."
He has also framed and mounted each of his 18 Oscar nomination certificates. "I don't have any space left on my wall now," O'Connell said. "But there's still plenty of space on my mantlepiece!"

Maybe next year, Kevin.

Me, Badgley Mischka, Wolfgang Puck and Uncle Harry

I watched the tape of Saturday Night Live. It was so awful even Rainn Wilson couldn’t save it.

I went grocery shopping at Meijer’s and bought kitchen-can sized garbage bags, big trash can sized garbage bags, scrubber sponges, milk, eggs, rye bread, jalapenos, pineapple, mango, organic grape tomatoes and a Wolfgang Puck cheese pizza which is in the oven right now. I’m the only one home, so I doctored-up the pizza. I added snipped fresh rosemary, crushed pepper flakes, roasted red peppers, oregano, and sliced garlic,.

That’s me in my Oscar night Badgley Mischka dress. I’ll be borrowing twenty million dollars in jewels from Harry Winston . . . or a Winston from my Uncle Harry. I forget which.

This is my awful secret: I don’t want Jennifer Hudson to win Best Supporting actress tonight. She probably will, but I’m sick of her. I’m sick of seeing her on every magazine and television show. Enough already. Same thing withHelen Mirren. I love her but I want Meryl Streep to win for Devil Wears Prada. She’ll give a funnier speech than ole Helen.

I hope Ellen DeGeneres is funny. I love Ellen, and I’m excited to see how she’ll fill out her tuxedo,

I wish I had some Poppycock to eat during the show. You know Poppycock? Butter Caramel/Toffee corn with nuts? Yum.

In the dress department . . . . Who will be this year’s Bjork?

Hair and Movie

I got my hair cut and highlighted yesterday. I love my hairdresser Kasey, but yesterday she was driving me crazy with her talk of her two pitbulls. I know more about those two creatures’ habits, likes and dislikes than a person needs to know. She’s 6 months pregnant and has to give away the big pit bull Charlie because he is evidently a pussycat who loves to flop his big ass 100 pound self on her lap and get petted. Blah, Blah. Blah. Hairdressers should know when to shut the hell up and just do their thing.. BTW she’s naming their baby boy-fetus Logan with no middle name because her husband’s Italian and the people in the part of Italy his family is from do not believe in middle names, but if it was a girl-fetus the name would beLoreleiJaneandtheLoreleiisfromsomebodyon
TheGilmoreGirlsandKasyandherhusband
JameslovetowatchtheGilmoreGirlsandI’m
runningallthewordstogtherbecausethisishowKasey
wastalkingtomeyesterday.
I was willing myself to breathe and be calm and wishing my hair was naturally cut, highlighted and cute so I wouldn’t have to hear these stories. I wish I could just stare at Kasey’s vivid green walls and the plastic neon pink flowers that were held in a glass vase at her work station. The upside? My hair looks fabulous.

I just watched For Your Consideration and I didn’t love it like Guest’s other movies, but it’s still worthy. The standouts:

Fred Willard as an Entertainment Tonight-type host with weird freaking rooster comb hair.

Ed Begley, Jr as a gay make up artist

Catherine O’Hara as an over-the-hill actress who believes the hype found on the “WorldWide Interweb.” In the last part of the film she gets a face life, Botox and collagen and goes from a normal looking person to a plastic Hollywood woman. Catherine O’Hara really did give an Oscar worthy performance. She was very good.

Parker Posey was also in the movie and everytime I see her in a movie I think of old Feral Wolfy—may he rest in peace in someone’s basement and/or tool shed.

An Alert for The Office Fans

Although there is usually only about five funny minutes in any given 90 minute
episode of SNL . . . this week Rainn Wilson is hosting it. I'm going to tape it.

LP asked me this afternoon if Britney Spears had died. I told him that I didn't think she had because Sparky didn't post anything about it. He looked at me quizzically.

DVDs/Ice

I went DVD shopping yesterday. I bought two seasons of Fresh Prince of Bel Air for LP. He started watching it on Nick, and loved it (don't ask me why.)

I bought Chris Guest's For Your Consideration and will watch it this weekend. I just read Respighi's less than stellar review of it on her blog. Bitch. I'll still love it though. I love his humor and his ensemble of actors he uses.

I also bought Season 4 of Columbo. I've blogged before of my Columbo love.

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We have dense icy, sleety fog this morning! A 2 hour delay for LP's school. I'll let him sleep a little longer and I'll make coffee as soon as I finish here. I called in work and told them I'd be in late, after I drop him off at school.

Hello????

1. Just when did "at the end of the day" become a wind up a national catch phrase? Watch a news interview show and tell me if someone does not say, ". . . at the end of the day, it's his fault." " . . . at the end of the day, Iraq is a quagmire." " . . . at the end of the day, George W. Bush is the 'decider.'" News shows, television shows, it's all about "the end of the day."


2. Remember when everyone said "HELLO!!!???" as if the comment s/he made was so earth shattering everyone knew what they were talking about? "HELLO?????!!! I said this meeting is bogus."



3. Remember when white girls copied black girls and said, "Oh, no you dit int!" with an attitude? I said this to one of my younger staff members last week--with a snap. She snorted, "Gawd! you're too old and white TO SAY THAT!!!" She was right, but it was funny.




4. Remember when everyone said "NOT!" at the end of a sentence? "You're so handsome . . . . NOT!" I think SNL started that. That got old really fast but people still say it. "Sure you can go home at 3 today . . . . . NOT!" "Bert sure has a long penis . . . . .. NOT!" harhar

2 Great Websites to Visit

If you either, A) don't believe in global warming, or B) don't care a rat's ass about global warning, read no further.


www.TerraPass.com

I learned about Terrapass through the Living with Ed HGTV show. Basically you pay a fee and it will reduce your carbon footprint. You can pay for your car, home and even the airplane trips you take. Terrific organization. I bought a TerraPass for both my house and my Lexus, so now I have negated my carbon footprint in those two areas. YAY

From their website:
The first step you can take to fight global warming is to reduce your carbon footprint through conservation. Drive less. Turn down the thermostat. Buy locally produced goods.
Then use TerraPass to reduce your carbon footprint all the way to zero.
When you buy a TerraPass, your money funds renewable energy projects such as wind farms. These projects result in verified reductions in greenhouse gas pollution. And these reductions counterbalance your own emissions.

Read the FAQs on their website--very interesting.


Another great conservation site is www.greendimes.com .
If you get a megaton of unsolicited credit card offers, requests for donations, catalogs, and other junk mail, this site will eliminate the junk mail you receive, and plant a tree for you every month. It helps save trees and water.

Top Sheet/Monkey

LP had his friend Chace (sic) spend the night. When I went to bed they were in his room watching a movie Once Upon a Time in America. This morning when I get up they’re sleeping in the living room . .LP on the couch and Chace sprawled out in the big recliner. I’m guessing they came out here to play Xbox or something like that then just fell asleep. I’m letting their lazy butts sleep until 10 then I’m getting them up.
I’ll either make them eggs and bacon for breakfast, or we can go to IHOP. I’ll let them choose.

What’s on tap for today: I have to launder my sheets and pillow cases, and I have to vacuum, and clean the bathroom.

This just came to me: When we were growing up, we never had a top sheet. Just the fitted mattress sheet. I don’t know why. Maybe there were just too damned many of us to buy top sheets for our beds. I’ll have to remember to ask my mother. It wasn’t until college when I saw my roommate make her bed with a top and bottom sheet that I decided that two sheets was a good idea. Today, it would feel odd not using a top sheet.


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It's the Year of the Pig!!! And I'm a monkey
Chinese Zodiac

MIscellaneous Stuff

My sister is home from her business trip to London. She said the weather was kind of crappy and that Londoners freaked out when they got a few snow flurries and some sleet.
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I was in Atlanta once when it snowed there, and the same thing happened . . motorists forget how to drive when there's a dusting of snow. Unbelievable.
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Anyway she said she bought me something from Harrod's but wouldn't tell me what it was until we see her in a week or so. Yay! Surprises!
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I took our next door neighbor some chili I made yesterday. Since the Big Snow, I didn't know whether or not he's gotten to the grocery.
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It's supposed to snow another 2 to 4 inches tonight--with blustery winds. but Monday It's supposed to get up to 40 degrees. Talk about a slushy mess the streets will be.
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Spidey, I watched The Office. Angela wearing her rain bonnet was priceless! And ole Dwight putting that big garbage bag over poor Meredith's head--ha. Did you watch the very end when Kelly went crazy because Ryan's desk was moving by hers? snort. I hate that Pam is back with Big Roy, and that Jim is being a butthole. Oh, well.

Gandhi

The other day I was watching a Grammy fashion wrap-up on E! During the hair segment, this funny, fey hairdresser assessed Shakira's puffed out curly 'do by stating, "Oh, my God it's drier than Gandhi's sandal." The others on the panel laughed and I LOL'd. I'd never heard that one before.

George Coin

I'm excited about the new presidential coins due out soon!

Rags and Sparky Sittin in a Tree

Whoaaaaaa. Sparky and Rags on the rampage on the Shelf. Thanks "Anonymous Source." Those two together have the IQ of a stump. But I'm somewhat surprised at "Lady"rockmed's nastiness because to my knowledge, I've never "gone after her," as Rags would say. Although she is a Republican, so that might explain it.
Well, here they are bitching and moaning and gnashing their teeth.
Woe is me, after I have been so nice to Rags in the past--sent her towels and money for a textbook. Maybe she ought to do some soul searching to see the one who "has changed."





Vanda52BANNED
Vanda52: hahaha
Jam7604801: hi webs
LadyMtnMedic: banned from a site?
LadyMtnMedic: say what?
Vanda52: long story roc but yes , im banned
LadyMtnMedic: who banned you?
LadyMtnMedic: and dont say Emma
LadyMtnMedic: she is full of BS
Vanda52: as i said its a long story not wrth getting into
Jam7604801: allan i could get you un banneded
Vanda52: how so jam?
Jam7604801: i could write tree and get her to set me up then give it to you
LadyMtnMedic: come on, why do you think you are banned? Tree banned you?Ragamuffingirl35: rocky she terminated his account when he said he quit
Vanda52: nah , thanks jam but if they dont want me as me forget it , ill be fine
Vanda52: thanks tho
Ragamuffingirl35: he failed to give in and kiss emma's ass
LadyMtnMedic: you emailed Tree saying you quit?
Ragamuffingirl35: no he said it in that one thread
Vanda52: i said i quit in the site and next thing i jnew i couldnt comment , it was fast like a roadside bomb in iraq
LadyMtnMedic: oh for cripes sake
LadyMtnMedic: thats ridiculous
Ragamuffingirl35: yep rocky
Vanda52: tree was looking to ditch me for a long time roc
Vanda52: and i gave her the way to do it
Vanda52: so is life
Ragamuffingirl35: i didn't even realize vanda was parodying emma's blog when he made that post until emma started yelling theif
LadyMtnMedic: she does not like your taste in , um, "art"
RoseGarden450: i dont think i know this emma and it sounds like i wouldnt get along with her
Vanda52: i think i might scare those people
Mg500mv: Emma also came after me
Ragamuffingirl35: emma posted about dahmer being the possible killer of adam walsh AFTER i posted it in my blog, and i didn't holler theif
LadyMtnMedic: thief
Ragamuffingirl35: thanks rox
LadyMtnMedic: LOL
LadyMtnMedic: since Emma never reads mine, her or her cronies, I don't care
Jam7604801: why don't emma and those loons come in here anymore
Ragamuffingirl35: i read yours. i wish you'd update more
Ragamuffingirl35: i don't know and i don't care jam
Ragamuffingirl35: the room is more pleasant without them
LadyMtnMedic: mine require thought and care takes me a while to get comfortable with posting the thought
LadyMtnMedic: I have one should be out iin a day
Jam7604801: i think tree should pass a rule anyone on the site has to at least come in here once a week
Ragamuffingirl35: yay!!!!
Mg500mv: Jam, do yuo really want Emma here?
LadyMtnMedic: I am also off for a couple days, hope to get some writing and reading time in
Ragamuffingirl35: some shelfers no longer have aol jam. like pete
Ragamuffingirl35: i sure as heck don't mary
LadyMtnMedic: geez Jam, don't summon the spirits
Ragamuffingirl35: tree doesn't even hardly come in here
LadyMtnMedic: say where is Roger lately?
Ragamuffingirl35: once every few months is all
Jam7604801: emma was always nice to me
Mg500mv: Roger, is busy
Ragamuffingirl35: he's been busy rox
Ragamuffingirl35: she used to be nice to me, but she changed
Ragamuffingirl35: she sent me towels when i moved into my last house
Ragamuffingirl35: suddenly about 2 1/2 years ago she seemed like she was angry all the time about everything and nothing at all
LadyMtnMedic: schell kinda went the same way
LadyMtnMedic: she got real edgy it seemed like
Ragamuffingirl35: well schell i understand. she has a hard life
Vanda52: women always seem to go "bad"
Ragamuffingirl35: i'm not as sweet as i was 10 years ago
Vanda52: hi kal
ParaMyrrh: hi Lady
ParaMyrrh: Raga

Happy Valentine Day to you

I had to call and cancel our tax prep appointment. The woman on the phone said, “That’s okay Judy couldn’t make it in either.”
I had gotten up at 5 when the alarm went off only to remember that LP’s school was already closed, and I don’t have to go into work either and BP has a few days off, so I went to pee and got back into bed when this buzz started happening. No, it wasn’t a sexual thing. It sounded like what happens when a smoke detector’s battery is low. I checked LP’s room, the kitchen and our bedroom and it wasn’t coming from any of those. I nudged BP and told him, “Get up! Something’s buzzing. Go find it.” He said, “Now?” and I said, “Yes, please.” When he’s away on business I usually have to handle things like this, so I figured it was his turn.
So I snuggled back into the covers while he went on a hunt. He couldn’t figure it out either but thought it was the carbon monoxide detector in the basement. So he went down there to look (he took his ciggies to smoke one while he was down there, so the trip wouldn’t be a complete wash out). About ten minutes later he came back. The buzzing had stopped and it was the carbon monoxide detector battery. Case solved and he came back to bed.
It’s 9am and he’s still sleeping. I’m up with the cat, having my coffee. I went outside and there’s a four foot drift up against my neighbor’s house.
When LP comes home from Jordan’s he’ll have to shovel because I have to get to the store today. I used the last of the milk for my coffee.
I hope restaurants are opened today because I want a nice Valentine’s Day dinner.
We’re the lucky ones though, a lot of Hoosiers were without power because a lot of people got sleet and damaging ice instead of just snow. I hate ice—unless it’s served with a gin and tonic.

Here’s a shout-out to
1. My newspaper carrier. Through all the bad weather he manages to still get up and toss up paper on the porch by six am.

2. To the US Mail. I saw my carrier, Marcia, through the window yesterday. She appeared to be three times as big as normal. She was walking like that giant Pillsbury Dough Boy in Ghostbusters. She must have had on four or five layers of clothing. God Bless her heart.

3. To the Street Department workers. I heard the plow early, early this morning clearing our street. I only hope they’ll soon clear the alleyways too.

Snow Today

We’ve gotten about ten inches so far, with the snow not subsiding until around midnight tonight. LP’s school’s already announced the closing for Wednesday which is good considering that the county’s under a state of emergency and no one’s to be on the road unless it’s an emergency. Watching the closings on television, whole cities are closing down!
LP shoveled the front walk before noon and of course you can’t even tell it now. He wanted to walk to Jordan’s (about three blocks) and after assuring me that he’d dress in layers with hoodies and gloves, I let him go. I called him 15 minutes later and he arrived safely but he said he had to walk backwards half the way because the snow-wind stung his face. I don’t know why it would kill him to stay home and do something here just for today. Anyway he called an hour ago and wants to stay the night there. Big Surprise. I don’t know yet—BP can probably get the car out of he garage and go pick him up.
My Muncie sister called and said that Ball State (she’s faculty/staff there) called off classes but left it up to faculty and staff on whether they wanted to come into work. If they didn’t they’d have to take a vacation day instead of a weather day. That’s kind of ridiculous. She said her boss emailed all of the people who work in the department and said that they can “work from home” today. So she and her husband and three kids are at home.
She said her husband had to shovel a path to get to the dog’s house (which is attached to the garage) because the doggie couldn’t get out to pee. When she looked out later the dog was out in a snow drift and couldn’t move! Dave had to shovel her out again.
Anyway, back here, the two kids from a few doors down were out playing in the snow and were trying to run a radio-controlled truck out in the street. When the thing couldn’t move, the little kid would reach down and throw the truck and try again. Sigh. Those tiny kids have no business playing out in this weather.
The older man next door was out shoveling his walk! Jesus. He has no place to go, and should just wait until tomorrow when the guy with the snow blower will come around the neighborhood. I’m afraid he’ll have a heart attack.
I heated up leftover Italian roast beef for lunch. It was most excellent, and then we were organizing receipts and other tax stuff. We have an appointment with Judy our tax lady tomorrow, but with this weather we’ll probably reschedule it.
I was going to make cookies today, but since LP might stay the night at Jordan’s I think I might just watch American Idol, and then Boston Legal with my BP.

Mourning Oranges

Today:
Waited one and a half hours at the doctor’s office. My blood pressure was high because I had to wait so damned long. The nurse practioner (I hate nurse practioners) gave me scripts for codeine cough liquid and some antibiotics for my sore throat—which wasn’t strep like I told BP it WASN’T, but he insisted that I go to the doctor’s office to have it checked out because it has been sore for over two weeks.

Anyway some kid was bawling at the top of his lungs and his mother ignored him, as we sick people wanted to do, but could not.

I waited another 20 minutes at the pharmacy, sitting next to an elderly woman. I glanced over and saw a blue blob on her earlobe. Upon closer inspection found that it was, or had been, a tattoo of a spider-like creature. Although now the ink had all bled together and it looked like a big messy blob. I figure that’s what Mary J. Blige and Angelina Jolie and and all of those other dumbasses who get gigantic tattoos will look like one day: All the ink will run together into their wrinkles and old age fat and they’ll look like one big blue blob walking around.

Speaking of Mary J. Blige . . . what’s the deal? Why is she so popular? Why did other performers worship at her feet? I saw her “emotional” Grammy performance which was blah to me.

So last night after my friend called and told me we were getting a hellacious snow storm, I ran out to Kroger’s. I got some stuff to make chili, some Lean Cuisines, and some Stewart’s orange & cream soda, and some rye bread. As I was looking around at the produce and buying some garlic, peppers and onion, I noticed the oranges! GOOD GOD!!! Ninety nine cents for one fecking orange! Last year I could buy 4 for 99 cents. Was the price hike because of the freezing California/Florida weather? Lemons were 89 cents apiece. I refuse to pay 99 cents for one orange. It’s un-American, it is. So if I get scurvy—that’s why. It’s an abomination.

Instead of Iraq why don’t we invade some orange producing country so we can ship free oranges to the masses. I love navel oranges. I could eat three every day. They peel easily. They segment easily. They’re juicy. Delicious and nutritious. I miss them already. Maybe send one measly Naval battleship to South America to bring me a boatload of navel oranges. Free. The navel oranges would morph into Naval oranges.

The Big Ten Inch

Mr. Weatherman says we're to expect ten-12 inches of snow. 4 inches late today with up to 7 more tomorrow throughout the day. I blame Tree for this. But I'll just send it on to Porks and Schell and other parts east.


PS: Since The Police reunioned (that a word) on last night's Grammys, raise your hand if you think Kevin's band, Scrantonicity covers "Roxanne" better than the original band.

Kenneth Brown, I love you

This is my new homosexual crush. Designer Kenneth Brown. I don’t know if he is gay or not but he has too much style and panache to be straight. He has a show on HGTV called ReDesign. His look is clean and modern and he uses rich colors and stone and wood and every redesign he’s done looks absolutely awesome. He’s not snooty—he’s framed old calendar pictures and made them look like expensive art. He’s just got “the eye.”

Kenneth, I want you. I want you to redesign my living room, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. You could even redesign my kitty’s back porch. Take me, I’m yours.

Love,
Emma

Here's his website if you wantto look at some of his designs

Kenneth Brown

Maybe You can Help

All of a sudden when I visit websites, the font is very big. What did I do? Maybe I accidently pushed the control key and then a letter? I hate this big font! I reboot my computer but it didn't work. I also when into "Internet Options" under the tool bar and tried to see if anything was different. No luck there either. What happened?

Look what's getting released on DVD in MARCH!!!!

Is that cool or what????

Text Twist & French

Verbie mentioned that she's a Text Twist junkie. Schell plays, and I know that evil Respighi (highlighted in orange, you'll notice)plays because she's the one who got me hooked on Mah Jong. Do any of you subscribe and pay a monthly fee? I don't. I just play the online version, but I'm tired of getting the same words over and over. It pisses me off though when I don't get the six-letter word and my points go to zilch. I get all the other words, just not the six letter one, and I'm still screwed?

LP will ask me what's the big fascination with Mah Jong or TT. It puts me into a semi trance like state sometimes and then I'm not even playing the game anymore--I'm thinking about work and solving problems, or making lists in my head. I've thought of terrific stuff to try at work when Mah Jonging! Maybe when one part of my brain is concentrating on a repetitive game, the creative part is free to wonder.

When I was going to the Shelf, lots of people (Miss Pink Votary, Jaded, and Mems, I think) sang the praises of literati. I tried it a couple of times but it didn't float my boat.

I've tried most of the other online games on that site, but TT and Mah Jong are my favorites.

-----

On another note, I'm scouring the Internet to find a good site to learn French. I've got a bee in my bonnet about visiting the south of France and I figure I'd better learn the basics first.
Cornwall is also my list. St Ives and Michael's Mount. I saw a Samantha Brown special about Cornwall and when the tide is out you can walk across the water on this stone path to get out to Michael's Mount.

My sister’s off to London for ten day business trip. She said they sat on the runway at Indy for awhile yesterday while they de-iced the plane. She later emailed me telling me that she landed in London a-okay.

I found out that I have to go to Orlando for a meeting in March. I’m taking another employee with me. I told her that we’ll be able to do some fun things as well as the business meetings, so that made her happy. I haven’t been to Disney World in probably 15 years, I’ve never been to Universal but I’m going to let her choose. I really don’t care about the after –hours stuff.


Schell, I've had trouble with Gamehouse for the last week or so. Have you? If so, try www.shockwave.com they have our Text Twist and different Mah Jongs plus others.

Spidey

A few days ago I got the cutest Lucy postcard in the mail from the Spidey Woman. Thanks Spidey! I appreciate it.

Snow in the yard

I just took these pictures, and it's still snowing.

I left work and was not looking forward to brushing piles of snow off my car and an employee had gone out earlier and she brushed my car as well as her own! That was so sweet!

Lunch Time Reading and Dead Sea Salt

First the weather: It's colder than a witches tit and sometime this afternoon we will get between three and six inches of snow so I'm bringing along my snow boots to work.

I've finished the Underground book and pronounce it worthy to read. This lady at work has organized a Read-in for Black History Month during lunch time. For the next couple of days volunteeers are doing fifteen minutes readings from their favorite books by black authors. Everyone seems to be doing I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, or How Stella Got Her Groove Back, or MLK, Jr. I Have a Dream Speech. I think I'll go for Chris Rock's Rock This! lol.

Last time we were in Vegas one of those kiosk men (you know . . in the malls they have kiosks set up which usually sell sunglasses or engraving, things like that) reeled me in to try this lotion. It's called Sea Spa. Damn does this stuff smell nice. I bought some hand cream and some foot cream. I ran out of hand cream a long time ago and am now using the foot cream on my hands. The stuff is made in Israel and has some Dead Sea salt in it. http://www.sea-spa.com/

I guess it's my patriotic duty to post this picture

22 below

With the wind chill factored in, it’s 22 below this morning. Oh joy! And, no Bert, I do not want to hear about your lovely golf game.
I didn’t watch the whole Super Bowl, but checked the score periodically. There’s a rally downtown today, and even in sub zero temperatures I’m sure there’ll be a crowd. LP started to watch the game last evening but fell asleep on the couch around 8:30. I took off his shoes and covered him with a quilt and there he stayed until 7 this morning.

Since the school delay this morning, I’ll drop LP off at the high school and then go to work late. It’ll only be Monday morning quarterbacking at work today anyway. I may stop off at Panera for a coffee and bagel if the mood strikes.


Minor emergency: My dryer’s broken. The “start” button won’t push in, and it won’t heat up. This happened after all the loads were done for Sunday, so that’s a good thing. BP will fix it. He can fix anything.

I haven’t the slightest idea if I’m going to get BP a Valentine’s gift this year. Maybe a card. My niece’s 14th birthday is tomorrow and I need to send her a card/money!


Spidey, best of luck with Big Joe’s surgery today!!

Numi Moonlight Spice Tea

This tea, brewed 3 to 5 minutes, topped with a lemon wedge and packet of Equal helps my cough and sore throat. It's similar to Constant Comment tea--with that orange aroma. It smells so good. Numi has a pretty website too.

Christmas Lights

1. I thought of Schell this morning while reading The Born Loser Sunday comic. His wife was whining that they still have the Christmas lights up. The BL said that he had it planned that way. He put up green strands of lights and red strands of lights. Now he’s going to turn on just the red for Valentine’s Day, and in March he’ll turn on just the green for St. Paddy’s Day! Way to plan!

2. I drove to pick up LP at Craigan's house this morning and the car thermometer registered 3 degrees outside. Now that's damn cold. Brrrrr. I'm staying inside for the rest of the day.

3. I'm halfway through my Underground book. Who used to come into the Shelf and announce, "I'm 3 and 7/16's through the book I'm reading." Was it Max Pi?

4. Since my son was wearing a hoodie (or jeans, or a tshirt, etc.) for three hours then pitching it on his floor and putting on something else, and since I was doing four loads of his laundry to every one load for BP and me, we worked out an arrangement. I'll do his towels and sheets, but he's responsible for doing all of his own laundry: Sorting, washing, drying, hanging up and putting it away. This has been in effect for three weeks and now it's old hat. "Will you take my stuff out of the dryer if I'm at Jordan's?" "No." "Will you just do a load of my jeans for school this week?" "No." And let me tell you, I think he's learning. This week he wore the same hoodie two days in a row! Can you believe that shit???!!! We're saving water and detergent. He'll have to learn to do laundry when he's out of the house, so he may as well start now. It's a good life skill.