Office Hilarity

There were some really hilarious bits in The Office last night:


1. Angela getting hot and wanting Dwight-saves-Jim recaps from everyone.

2. Michael accidentally cross-dressing—wearing a woman’s suit!!!!! SNORT!

3. Kelly wanting to name her child “Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor” SNORT!!!

4. Poor Toby’s face when Jan and Michael were negotiating.

5. Michael getting negotiating tips from Wikapedia! Haha. His “low talking”


Pretty good half hour—I’m sick of Pam’s wishy-washyness!!!

Oh, and I just found out that Rashida Jones’ (who plays Karen) parents in real life are Peggy Lipton and Quincy Jones. Duh. How did I miss that one?

Rudy/Sex/Politics

Ah, Rudy G (I can him Rudy G because I’m still not sure on how to spell G-u-i-l-a-n-i) says that the voters should focus on his record and not on his personal life--his marriages, affairs and estrangement from his son. Hmmm. That sounds familiar. Newt Gingrich says that he had “sinned” in his personal life—even when he was calling for Bill Clinton’s penis on a platter. Hmmm. The Evangelical preachers who hunt for the verboten HOMO SEX when preaching that homosexuality is a SIN. What about Mitt Romney? Will it come out that he has six wives all under the age of 15? Did John McCain father little Vietnamese chillin when he was in Hotel Hanoi? Is Hillary a lipstick Lez? Does Barack like a little S&M? Does John Edwards have a woman in every port? We all know that Fred “Law & Order” Thompson is a ladies man.
Are there voters out there who believe that a President should appear to have a good marriage and respectful, clean-cut All American kids? Have we ever had such a President? The only one in recent memory I can think of is Jimmy Carter and he, although a wonderful human being, by many accounts, was a shitty president.

Bob/Eggs

I'm reading Bob Newhart's I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This. Good so far.

We had many thunderstorms today but a beautiful sunset so I guess it evened out.

BP will be out of town, so LP and I are going over to my youngest sister's for Easter this Sunday. I'm bringing a roasted shrimp and orzo salad that The Barefoot Contessa made. And Connie wants me to bring the deviled eggs. Bah. I haven't made those in ages. Anyone have anything special she adds to the yolk mixture besides mayo and mustard and paprika?

And is it true that if you put the eggs into cold water, bring them to a boil, cover the pan and let them sit for 15 minutes, you'll get perfect hard boiled eggs? How about shelling them? Run them under cold water? I hate when the shells don't come off in a nice neat pretty way.

I suppose I'll have to go grocery shopping either Friday or Saturday.

Of blue-veined tits and amusement parks

Do people really have fun at amusement parks?
When I was down in Florida the person I went to the conference with and I took one day off and went to Universal Studios.
We went on The Cat in the Hat ride (wait was five minutes), another Suess ride (wait was 10 minutes) then we had lunch at Emeril’s restaurant where the woman at the next table whipped out her big blue-veined tit and nursed her baby. Am I offended by breastfeeding? No. Not discreet public breastfeeding. This woman made a display of whipping out her milky tit. Instead of sitting towards the wall where no other diner could have known what she was doing, she sat facing the entire restaurant and whipped it out. The manager was too much of a pussy to say anything to her. To his defense, she was probably one of those idiots who would have accused him of being “anti-motherhood.” I am not anti-motherhood. I’m anti- having to see a big blue-veined tit and a kid sucking on it when I’m trying to enjoy an overpriced lunch at Emeril’s.
Anyway, I digress. After lunch we waited sixty minutes to ride the Back to the Future ride which sucked and wasn’t worth 60 minutes of my life. My friend then wanted to wait another hour to ride this Earthquake ride, so I said I’d wait by this fake-warehouse building on a comfortable wooden bench while she rode on it. I enjoyed watching people’s faces and hearing snippets on their conversations. Their faces told me that they weren’t having fun. Even the kids were whining and snarling and so I figured out that Disney and Universal and Six Flags and King’s Island and all those other amusement parks are perpetuating a BIG LIE on the American Public. Their commercials promise smiling faces and grandparents having fun with bright-eyed children. But, in fact, it’s a BIG LIE.
I must be cursed because years and years ago when my sisters and I were at DisneyWorld waiting in the long ass line for It’s a Small World ride, another big, big woman a few people in front of us whipped out her tit and breastfed. Any man who is a “breast man” shouldn’t watch when a Big, big woman, or a woman with big blue-veined tits breastfeed their offspring.

The First of April

I won last night's Powerball jacket and will send each of you ten thousand dollars to do with what you wish. Email me at EmmaWrites@aol.com if you want money. You must post here in my comment section what you would do with the money I send.

I'm off to a secuded South Pacific isle to bask in the sun's warmth while a dark and swarthy canaba boy leisurely applies oil over my body.

My only worry now is whether to order the pina colada or the margarita.

Have fun and I'll see you on my return.