Me, Badgley Mischka, Wolfgang Puck and Uncle Harry

I watched the tape of Saturday Night Live. It was so awful even Rainn Wilson couldn’t save it.

I went grocery shopping at Meijer’s and bought kitchen-can sized garbage bags, big trash can sized garbage bags, scrubber sponges, milk, eggs, rye bread, jalapenos, pineapple, mango, organic grape tomatoes and a Wolfgang Puck cheese pizza which is in the oven right now. I’m the only one home, so I doctored-up the pizza. I added snipped fresh rosemary, crushed pepper flakes, roasted red peppers, oregano, and sliced garlic,.

That’s me in my Oscar night Badgley Mischka dress. I’ll be borrowing twenty million dollars in jewels from Harry Winston . . . or a Winston from my Uncle Harry. I forget which.

This is my awful secret: I don’t want Jennifer Hudson to win Best Supporting actress tonight. She probably will, but I’m sick of her. I’m sick of seeing her on every magazine and television show. Enough already. Same thing withHelen Mirren. I love her but I want Meryl Streep to win for Devil Wears Prada. She’ll give a funnier speech than ole Helen.

I hope Ellen DeGeneres is funny. I love Ellen, and I’m excited to see how she’ll fill out her tuxedo,

I wish I had some Poppycock to eat during the show. You know Poppycock? Butter Caramel/Toffee corn with nuts? Yum.

In the dress department . . . . Who will be this year’s Bjork?

Hair and Movie

I got my hair cut and highlighted yesterday. I love my hairdresser Kasey, but yesterday she was driving me crazy with her talk of her two pitbulls. I know more about those two creatures’ habits, likes and dislikes than a person needs to know. She’s 6 months pregnant and has to give away the big pit bull Charlie because he is evidently a pussycat who loves to flop his big ass 100 pound self on her lap and get petted. Blah, Blah. Blah. Hairdressers should know when to shut the hell up and just do their thing.. BTW she’s naming their baby boy-fetus Logan with no middle name because her husband’s Italian and the people in the part of Italy his family is from do not believe in middle names, but if it was a girl-fetus the name would beLoreleiJaneandtheLoreleiisfromsomebodyon
TheGilmoreGirlsandKasyandherhusband
JameslovetowatchtheGilmoreGirlsandI’m
runningallthewordstogtherbecausethisishowKasey
wastalkingtomeyesterday.
I was willing myself to breathe and be calm and wishing my hair was naturally cut, highlighted and cute so I wouldn’t have to hear these stories. I wish I could just stare at Kasey’s vivid green walls and the plastic neon pink flowers that were held in a glass vase at her work station. The upside? My hair looks fabulous.

I just watched For Your Consideration and I didn’t love it like Guest’s other movies, but it’s still worthy. The standouts:

Fred Willard as an Entertainment Tonight-type host with weird freaking rooster comb hair.

Ed Begley, Jr as a gay make up artist

Catherine O’Hara as an over-the-hill actress who believes the hype found on the “WorldWide Interweb.” In the last part of the film she gets a face life, Botox and collagen and goes from a normal looking person to a plastic Hollywood woman. Catherine O’Hara really did give an Oscar worthy performance. She was very good.

Parker Posey was also in the movie and everytime I see her in a movie I think of old Feral Wolfy—may he rest in peace in someone’s basement and/or tool shed.

An Alert for The Office Fans

Although there is usually only about five funny minutes in any given 90 minute
episode of SNL . . . this week Rainn Wilson is hosting it. I'm going to tape it.

LP asked me this afternoon if Britney Spears had died. I told him that I didn't think she had because Sparky didn't post anything about it. He looked at me quizzically.

DVDs/Ice

I went DVD shopping yesterday. I bought two seasons of Fresh Prince of Bel Air for LP. He started watching it on Nick, and loved it (don't ask me why.)

I bought Chris Guest's For Your Consideration and will watch it this weekend. I just read Respighi's less than stellar review of it on her blog. Bitch. I'll still love it though. I love his humor and his ensemble of actors he uses.

I also bought Season 4 of Columbo. I've blogged before of my Columbo love.

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We have dense icy, sleety fog this morning! A 2 hour delay for LP's school. I'll let him sleep a little longer and I'll make coffee as soon as I finish here. I called in work and told them I'd be in late, after I drop him off at school.

Hello????

1. Just when did "at the end of the day" become a wind up a national catch phrase? Watch a news interview show and tell me if someone does not say, ". . . at the end of the day, it's his fault." " . . . at the end of the day, Iraq is a quagmire." " . . . at the end of the day, George W. Bush is the 'decider.'" News shows, television shows, it's all about "the end of the day."


2. Remember when everyone said "HELLO!!!???" as if the comment s/he made was so earth shattering everyone knew what they were talking about? "HELLO?????!!! I said this meeting is bogus."



3. Remember when white girls copied black girls and said, "Oh, no you dit int!" with an attitude? I said this to one of my younger staff members last week--with a snap. She snorted, "Gawd! you're too old and white TO SAY THAT!!!" She was right, but it was funny.




4. Remember when everyone said "NOT!" at the end of a sentence? "You're so handsome . . . . NOT!" I think SNL started that. That got old really fast but people still say it. "Sure you can go home at 3 today . . . . . NOT!" "Bert sure has a long penis . . . . .. NOT!" harhar

2 Great Websites to Visit

If you either, A) don't believe in global warming, or B) don't care a rat's ass about global warning, read no further.


www.TerraPass.com

I learned about Terrapass through the Living with Ed HGTV show. Basically you pay a fee and it will reduce your carbon footprint. You can pay for your car, home and even the airplane trips you take. Terrific organization. I bought a TerraPass for both my house and my Lexus, so now I have negated my carbon footprint in those two areas. YAY

From their website:
The first step you can take to fight global warming is to reduce your carbon footprint through conservation. Drive less. Turn down the thermostat. Buy locally produced goods.
Then use TerraPass to reduce your carbon footprint all the way to zero.
When you buy a TerraPass, your money funds renewable energy projects such as wind farms. These projects result in verified reductions in greenhouse gas pollution. And these reductions counterbalance your own emissions.

Read the FAQs on their website--very interesting.


Another great conservation site is www.greendimes.com .
If you get a megaton of unsolicited credit card offers, requests for donations, catalogs, and other junk mail, this site will eliminate the junk mail you receive, and plant a tree for you every month. It helps save trees and water.

Top Sheet/Monkey

LP had his friend Chace (sic) spend the night. When I went to bed they were in his room watching a movie Once Upon a Time in America. This morning when I get up they’re sleeping in the living room . .LP on the couch and Chace sprawled out in the big recliner. I’m guessing they came out here to play Xbox or something like that then just fell asleep. I’m letting their lazy butts sleep until 10 then I’m getting them up.
I’ll either make them eggs and bacon for breakfast, or we can go to IHOP. I’ll let them choose.

What’s on tap for today: I have to launder my sheets and pillow cases, and I have to vacuum, and clean the bathroom.

This just came to me: When we were growing up, we never had a top sheet. Just the fitted mattress sheet. I don’t know why. Maybe there were just too damned many of us to buy top sheets for our beds. I’ll have to remember to ask my mother. It wasn’t until college when I saw my roommate make her bed with a top and bottom sheet that I decided that two sheets was a good idea. Today, it would feel odd not using a top sheet.


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It's the Year of the Pig!!! And I'm a monkey
Chinese Zodiac

MIscellaneous Stuff

My sister is home from her business trip to London. She said the weather was kind of crappy and that Londoners freaked out when they got a few snow flurries and some sleet.
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I was in Atlanta once when it snowed there, and the same thing happened . . motorists forget how to drive when there's a dusting of snow. Unbelievable.
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Anyway she said she bought me something from Harrod's but wouldn't tell me what it was until we see her in a week or so. Yay! Surprises!
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I took our next door neighbor some chili I made yesterday. Since the Big Snow, I didn't know whether or not he's gotten to the grocery.
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It's supposed to snow another 2 to 4 inches tonight--with blustery winds. but Monday It's supposed to get up to 40 degrees. Talk about a slushy mess the streets will be.
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Spidey, I watched The Office. Angela wearing her rain bonnet was priceless! And ole Dwight putting that big garbage bag over poor Meredith's head--ha. Did you watch the very end when Kelly went crazy because Ryan's desk was moving by hers? snort. I hate that Pam is back with Big Roy, and that Jim is being a butthole. Oh, well.

Gandhi

The other day I was watching a Grammy fashion wrap-up on E! During the hair segment, this funny, fey hairdresser assessed Shakira's puffed out curly 'do by stating, "Oh, my God it's drier than Gandhi's sandal." The others on the panel laughed and I LOL'd. I'd never heard that one before.

George Coin

I'm excited about the new presidential coins due out soon!

Rags and Sparky Sittin in a Tree

Whoaaaaaa. Sparky and Rags on the rampage on the Shelf. Thanks "Anonymous Source." Those two together have the IQ of a stump. But I'm somewhat surprised at "Lady"rockmed's nastiness because to my knowledge, I've never "gone after her," as Rags would say. Although she is a Republican, so that might explain it.
Well, here they are bitching and moaning and gnashing their teeth.
Woe is me, after I have been so nice to Rags in the past--sent her towels and money for a textbook. Maybe she ought to do some soul searching to see the one who "has changed."





Vanda52BANNED
Vanda52: hahaha
Jam7604801: hi webs
LadyMtnMedic: banned from a site?
LadyMtnMedic: say what?
Vanda52: long story roc but yes , im banned
LadyMtnMedic: who banned you?
LadyMtnMedic: and dont say Emma
LadyMtnMedic: she is full of BS
Vanda52: as i said its a long story not wrth getting into
Jam7604801: allan i could get you un banneded
Vanda52: how so jam?
Jam7604801: i could write tree and get her to set me up then give it to you
LadyMtnMedic: come on, why do you think you are banned? Tree banned you?Ragamuffingirl35: rocky she terminated his account when he said he quit
Vanda52: nah , thanks jam but if they dont want me as me forget it , ill be fine
Vanda52: thanks tho
Ragamuffingirl35: he failed to give in and kiss emma's ass
LadyMtnMedic: you emailed Tree saying you quit?
Ragamuffingirl35: no he said it in that one thread
Vanda52: i said i quit in the site and next thing i jnew i couldnt comment , it was fast like a roadside bomb in iraq
LadyMtnMedic: oh for cripes sake
LadyMtnMedic: thats ridiculous
Ragamuffingirl35: yep rocky
Vanda52: tree was looking to ditch me for a long time roc
Vanda52: and i gave her the way to do it
Vanda52: so is life
Ragamuffingirl35: i didn't even realize vanda was parodying emma's blog when he made that post until emma started yelling theif
LadyMtnMedic: she does not like your taste in , um, "art"
RoseGarden450: i dont think i know this emma and it sounds like i wouldnt get along with her
Vanda52: i think i might scare those people
Mg500mv: Emma also came after me
Ragamuffingirl35: emma posted about dahmer being the possible killer of adam walsh AFTER i posted it in my blog, and i didn't holler theif
LadyMtnMedic: thief
Ragamuffingirl35: thanks rox
LadyMtnMedic: LOL
LadyMtnMedic: since Emma never reads mine, her or her cronies, I don't care
Jam7604801: why don't emma and those loons come in here anymore
Ragamuffingirl35: i read yours. i wish you'd update more
Ragamuffingirl35: i don't know and i don't care jam
Ragamuffingirl35: the room is more pleasant without them
LadyMtnMedic: mine require thought and care takes me a while to get comfortable with posting the thought
LadyMtnMedic: I have one should be out iin a day
Jam7604801: i think tree should pass a rule anyone on the site has to at least come in here once a week
Ragamuffingirl35: yay!!!!
Mg500mv: Jam, do yuo really want Emma here?
LadyMtnMedic: I am also off for a couple days, hope to get some writing and reading time in
Ragamuffingirl35: some shelfers no longer have aol jam. like pete
Ragamuffingirl35: i sure as heck don't mary
LadyMtnMedic: geez Jam, don't summon the spirits
Ragamuffingirl35: tree doesn't even hardly come in here
LadyMtnMedic: say where is Roger lately?
Ragamuffingirl35: once every few months is all
Jam7604801: emma was always nice to me
Mg500mv: Roger, is busy
Ragamuffingirl35: he's been busy rox
Ragamuffingirl35: she used to be nice to me, but she changed
Ragamuffingirl35: she sent me towels when i moved into my last house
Ragamuffingirl35: suddenly about 2 1/2 years ago she seemed like she was angry all the time about everything and nothing at all
LadyMtnMedic: schell kinda went the same way
LadyMtnMedic: she got real edgy it seemed like
Ragamuffingirl35: well schell i understand. she has a hard life
Vanda52: women always seem to go "bad"
Ragamuffingirl35: i'm not as sweet as i was 10 years ago
Vanda52: hi kal
ParaMyrrh: hi Lady
ParaMyrrh: Raga

Happy Valentine Day to you

I had to call and cancel our tax prep appointment. The woman on the phone said, “That’s okay Judy couldn’t make it in either.”
I had gotten up at 5 when the alarm went off only to remember that LP’s school was already closed, and I don’t have to go into work either and BP has a few days off, so I went to pee and got back into bed when this buzz started happening. No, it wasn’t a sexual thing. It sounded like what happens when a smoke detector’s battery is low. I checked LP’s room, the kitchen and our bedroom and it wasn’t coming from any of those. I nudged BP and told him, “Get up! Something’s buzzing. Go find it.” He said, “Now?” and I said, “Yes, please.” When he’s away on business I usually have to handle things like this, so I figured it was his turn.
So I snuggled back into the covers while he went on a hunt. He couldn’t figure it out either but thought it was the carbon monoxide detector in the basement. So he went down there to look (he took his ciggies to smoke one while he was down there, so the trip wouldn’t be a complete wash out). About ten minutes later he came back. The buzzing had stopped and it was the carbon monoxide detector battery. Case solved and he came back to bed.
It’s 9am and he’s still sleeping. I’m up with the cat, having my coffee. I went outside and there’s a four foot drift up against my neighbor’s house.
When LP comes home from Jordan’s he’ll have to shovel because I have to get to the store today. I used the last of the milk for my coffee.
I hope restaurants are opened today because I want a nice Valentine’s Day dinner.
We’re the lucky ones though, a lot of Hoosiers were without power because a lot of people got sleet and damaging ice instead of just snow. I hate ice—unless it’s served with a gin and tonic.

Here’s a shout-out to
1. My newspaper carrier. Through all the bad weather he manages to still get up and toss up paper on the porch by six am.

2. To the US Mail. I saw my carrier, Marcia, through the window yesterday. She appeared to be three times as big as normal. She was walking like that giant Pillsbury Dough Boy in Ghostbusters. She must have had on four or five layers of clothing. God Bless her heart.

3. To the Street Department workers. I heard the plow early, early this morning clearing our street. I only hope they’ll soon clear the alleyways too.

Snow Today

We’ve gotten about ten inches so far, with the snow not subsiding until around midnight tonight. LP’s school’s already announced the closing for Wednesday which is good considering that the county’s under a state of emergency and no one’s to be on the road unless it’s an emergency. Watching the closings on television, whole cities are closing down!
LP shoveled the front walk before noon and of course you can’t even tell it now. He wanted to walk to Jordan’s (about three blocks) and after assuring me that he’d dress in layers with hoodies and gloves, I let him go. I called him 15 minutes later and he arrived safely but he said he had to walk backwards half the way because the snow-wind stung his face. I don’t know why it would kill him to stay home and do something here just for today. Anyway he called an hour ago and wants to stay the night there. Big Surprise. I don’t know yet—BP can probably get the car out of he garage and go pick him up.
My Muncie sister called and said that Ball State (she’s faculty/staff there) called off classes but left it up to faculty and staff on whether they wanted to come into work. If they didn’t they’d have to take a vacation day instead of a weather day. That’s kind of ridiculous. She said her boss emailed all of the people who work in the department and said that they can “work from home” today. So she and her husband and three kids are at home.
She said her husband had to shovel a path to get to the dog’s house (which is attached to the garage) because the doggie couldn’t get out to pee. When she looked out later the dog was out in a snow drift and couldn’t move! Dave had to shovel her out again.
Anyway, back here, the two kids from a few doors down were out playing in the snow and were trying to run a radio-controlled truck out in the street. When the thing couldn’t move, the little kid would reach down and throw the truck and try again. Sigh. Those tiny kids have no business playing out in this weather.
The older man next door was out shoveling his walk! Jesus. He has no place to go, and should just wait until tomorrow when the guy with the snow blower will come around the neighborhood. I’m afraid he’ll have a heart attack.
I heated up leftover Italian roast beef for lunch. It was most excellent, and then we were organizing receipts and other tax stuff. We have an appointment with Judy our tax lady tomorrow, but with this weather we’ll probably reschedule it.
I was going to make cookies today, but since LP might stay the night at Jordan’s I think I might just watch American Idol, and then Boston Legal with my BP.

Mourning Oranges

Today:
Waited one and a half hours at the doctor’s office. My blood pressure was high because I had to wait so damned long. The nurse practioner (I hate nurse practioners) gave me scripts for codeine cough liquid and some antibiotics for my sore throat—which wasn’t strep like I told BP it WASN’T, but he insisted that I go to the doctor’s office to have it checked out because it has been sore for over two weeks.

Anyway some kid was bawling at the top of his lungs and his mother ignored him, as we sick people wanted to do, but could not.

I waited another 20 minutes at the pharmacy, sitting next to an elderly woman. I glanced over and saw a blue blob on her earlobe. Upon closer inspection found that it was, or had been, a tattoo of a spider-like creature. Although now the ink had all bled together and it looked like a big messy blob. I figure that’s what Mary J. Blige and Angelina Jolie and and all of those other dumbasses who get gigantic tattoos will look like one day: All the ink will run together into their wrinkles and old age fat and they’ll look like one big blue blob walking around.

Speaking of Mary J. Blige . . . what’s the deal? Why is she so popular? Why did other performers worship at her feet? I saw her “emotional” Grammy performance which was blah to me.

So last night after my friend called and told me we were getting a hellacious snow storm, I ran out to Kroger’s. I got some stuff to make chili, some Lean Cuisines, and some Stewart’s orange & cream soda, and some rye bread. As I was looking around at the produce and buying some garlic, peppers and onion, I noticed the oranges! GOOD GOD!!! Ninety nine cents for one fecking orange! Last year I could buy 4 for 99 cents. Was the price hike because of the freezing California/Florida weather? Lemons were 89 cents apiece. I refuse to pay 99 cents for one orange. It’s un-American, it is. So if I get scurvy—that’s why. It’s an abomination.

Instead of Iraq why don’t we invade some orange producing country so we can ship free oranges to the masses. I love navel oranges. I could eat three every day. They peel easily. They segment easily. They’re juicy. Delicious and nutritious. I miss them already. Maybe send one measly Naval battleship to South America to bring me a boatload of navel oranges. Free. The navel oranges would morph into Naval oranges.

The Big Ten Inch

Mr. Weatherman says we're to expect ten-12 inches of snow. 4 inches late today with up to 7 more tomorrow throughout the day. I blame Tree for this. But I'll just send it on to Porks and Schell and other parts east.


PS: Since The Police reunioned (that a word) on last night's Grammys, raise your hand if you think Kevin's band, Scrantonicity covers "Roxanne" better than the original band.

Kenneth Brown, I love you

This is my new homosexual crush. Designer Kenneth Brown. I don’t know if he is gay or not but he has too much style and panache to be straight. He has a show on HGTV called ReDesign. His look is clean and modern and he uses rich colors and stone and wood and every redesign he’s done looks absolutely awesome. He’s not snooty—he’s framed old calendar pictures and made them look like expensive art. He’s just got “the eye.”

Kenneth, I want you. I want you to redesign my living room, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. You could even redesign my kitty’s back porch. Take me, I’m yours.

Love,
Emma

Here's his website if you wantto look at some of his designs

Kenneth Brown

Maybe You can Help

All of a sudden when I visit websites, the font is very big. What did I do? Maybe I accidently pushed the control key and then a letter? I hate this big font! I reboot my computer but it didn't work. I also when into "Internet Options" under the tool bar and tried to see if anything was different. No luck there either. What happened?

Look what's getting released on DVD in MARCH!!!!

Is that cool or what????

Text Twist & French

Verbie mentioned that she's a Text Twist junkie. Schell plays, and I know that evil Respighi (highlighted in orange, you'll notice)plays because she's the one who got me hooked on Mah Jong. Do any of you subscribe and pay a monthly fee? I don't. I just play the online version, but I'm tired of getting the same words over and over. It pisses me off though when I don't get the six-letter word and my points go to zilch. I get all the other words, just not the six letter one, and I'm still screwed?

LP will ask me what's the big fascination with Mah Jong or TT. It puts me into a semi trance like state sometimes and then I'm not even playing the game anymore--I'm thinking about work and solving problems, or making lists in my head. I've thought of terrific stuff to try at work when Mah Jonging! Maybe when one part of my brain is concentrating on a repetitive game, the creative part is free to wonder.

When I was going to the Shelf, lots of people (Miss Pink Votary, Jaded, and Mems, I think) sang the praises of literati. I tried it a couple of times but it didn't float my boat.

I've tried most of the other online games on that site, but TT and Mah Jong are my favorites.

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On another note, I'm scouring the Internet to find a good site to learn French. I've got a bee in my bonnet about visiting the south of France and I figure I'd better learn the basics first.
Cornwall is also my list. St Ives and Michael's Mount. I saw a Samantha Brown special about Cornwall and when the tide is out you can walk across the water on this stone path to get out to Michael's Mount.

My sister’s off to London for ten day business trip. She said they sat on the runway at Indy for awhile yesterday while they de-iced the plane. She later emailed me telling me that she landed in London a-okay.

I found out that I have to go to Orlando for a meeting in March. I’m taking another employee with me. I told her that we’ll be able to do some fun things as well as the business meetings, so that made her happy. I haven’t been to Disney World in probably 15 years, I’ve never been to Universal but I’m going to let her choose. I really don’t care about the after –hours stuff.


Schell, I've had trouble with Gamehouse for the last week or so. Have you? If so, try www.shockwave.com they have our Text Twist and different Mah Jongs plus others.

Spidey

A few days ago I got the cutest Lucy postcard in the mail from the Spidey Woman. Thanks Spidey! I appreciate it.

Snow in the yard

I just took these pictures, and it's still snowing.

I left work and was not looking forward to brushing piles of snow off my car and an employee had gone out earlier and she brushed my car as well as her own! That was so sweet!

Lunch Time Reading and Dead Sea Salt

First the weather: It's colder than a witches tit and sometime this afternoon we will get between three and six inches of snow so I'm bringing along my snow boots to work.

I've finished the Underground book and pronounce it worthy to read. This lady at work has organized a Read-in for Black History Month during lunch time. For the next couple of days volunteeers are doing fifteen minutes readings from their favorite books by black authors. Everyone seems to be doing I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, or How Stella Got Her Groove Back, or MLK, Jr. I Have a Dream Speech. I think I'll go for Chris Rock's Rock This! lol.

Last time we were in Vegas one of those kiosk men (you know . . in the malls they have kiosks set up which usually sell sunglasses or engraving, things like that) reeled me in to try this lotion. It's called Sea Spa. Damn does this stuff smell nice. I bought some hand cream and some foot cream. I ran out of hand cream a long time ago and am now using the foot cream on my hands. The stuff is made in Israel and has some Dead Sea salt in it. http://www.sea-spa.com/

I guess it's my patriotic duty to post this picture

22 below

With the wind chill factored in, it’s 22 below this morning. Oh joy! And, no Bert, I do not want to hear about your lovely golf game.
I didn’t watch the whole Super Bowl, but checked the score periodically. There’s a rally downtown today, and even in sub zero temperatures I’m sure there’ll be a crowd. LP started to watch the game last evening but fell asleep on the couch around 8:30. I took off his shoes and covered him with a quilt and there he stayed until 7 this morning.

Since the school delay this morning, I’ll drop LP off at the high school and then go to work late. It’ll only be Monday morning quarterbacking at work today anyway. I may stop off at Panera for a coffee and bagel if the mood strikes.


Minor emergency: My dryer’s broken. The “start” button won’t push in, and it won’t heat up. This happened after all the loads were done for Sunday, so that’s a good thing. BP will fix it. He can fix anything.

I haven’t the slightest idea if I’m going to get BP a Valentine’s gift this year. Maybe a card. My niece’s 14th birthday is tomorrow and I need to send her a card/money!


Spidey, best of luck with Big Joe’s surgery today!!

Numi Moonlight Spice Tea

This tea, brewed 3 to 5 minutes, topped with a lemon wedge and packet of Equal helps my cough and sore throat. It's similar to Constant Comment tea--with that orange aroma. It smells so good. Numi has a pretty website too.

Christmas Lights

1. I thought of Schell this morning while reading The Born Loser Sunday comic. His wife was whining that they still have the Christmas lights up. The BL said that he had it planned that way. He put up green strands of lights and red strands of lights. Now he’s going to turn on just the red for Valentine’s Day, and in March he’ll turn on just the green for St. Paddy’s Day! Way to plan!

2. I drove to pick up LP at Craigan's house this morning and the car thermometer registered 3 degrees outside. Now that's damn cold. Brrrrr. I'm staying inside for the rest of the day.

3. I'm halfway through my Underground book. Who used to come into the Shelf and announce, "I'm 3 and 7/16's through the book I'm reading." Was it Max Pi?

4. Since my son was wearing a hoodie (or jeans, or a tshirt, etc.) for three hours then pitching it on his floor and putting on something else, and since I was doing four loads of his laundry to every one load for BP and me, we worked out an arrangement. I'll do his towels and sheets, but he's responsible for doing all of his own laundry: Sorting, washing, drying, hanging up and putting it away. This has been in effect for three weeks and now it's old hat. "Will you take my stuff out of the dryer if I'm at Jordan's?" "No." "Will you just do a load of my jeans for school this week?" "No." And let me tell you, I think he's learning. This week he wore the same hoodie two days in a row! Can you believe that shit???!!! We're saving water and detergent. He'll have to learn to do laundry when he's out of the house, so he may as well start now. It's a good life skill.

Cosmos

Earlier today I was looking through my book, Cosmos by Carl Sagan. I loved that PBS series. Sagan made learning about the universe fun. I remember Johnny Carson (and other comedians) making fun of Sagan's way of saying "billions and billions." Anyway, he's been dead over ten years. I checked out his website and came across this by his widow, Ann Druyan:



20 December 2006
Dear Friends of Carl Sagan,

Chances are, if you have come here to join me in an act of remembrance on this tenth anniversary of Carl’s death, you are already well aware of the numerous scientific and cultural achievements of the man. It is likely that you know he played a leading role in the exploration of our solar system, that he added to our knowledge of the atmospheres of Venus, Mars and the Earth, that he opened the way to new branches of scientific investigation, that he attracted more people to the scientific enterprise than perhaps any other human being and that he was a conscientious citizen of both the Earth and the cosmos.

Maybe you are one of the many who were nudged into a different life trajectory by the gravitational pull of something he said or wrote or dreamt. In my biased estimation, he was a world historical figure who beckoned us to leave the geocentric, narcissistic, “supernatural” spirituality of our childhood behind and to embrace the vastness – to come of age by taking the revelations of the modern scientific revolution to heart.

Today, I want to share with you some things about Carl that are not as well known, moments that have more to do with his goodness than with his greatness. These are recollections that have come to me throughout the past ten years. I offer them to you because these memories make me feel so impossibly fortunate and because I want this personal Carl to live on, as well.

I see him striding off the gangplank of a Circle Line tour boat on an exquisite June day, about a week after we had declared our love to each other. Somehow, we decided that circumnavigating the inspiring towers of Manhattan would be the ideal setting in which to plan our lives together. As we disembark, after mapping out the journey that the next two decades would fulfill and exceed, I glance back towards him and I see that dazzling smile. He takes the sweater that had been casually tied around his neck and he throws it high up in the air in a gesture of exultation. For a moment the blue sweater hangs there against the blue sky and our eyes meet.

I see him putting his napkin aside and getting up from the table countless times in restaurants all over the planet to properly greet yet another person who wants to thank him for “giving me the cosmos.”

I see us riding around the Ithaca countryside at dusk with seven-year-old Nick Sagan. The top is down on Carl’s little orange sports car. He has adopted the mythic persona that would later become a favorite of Sasha and Sam’s, too, the “Freenie,” a visitor from Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter. The Freenie has all sorts of arcane information about the outer solar system but he is absolutely clueless about how things work here on Earth. I recall our children savoring the heady, novel pleasure of being able to set an adult straight and possibly grasping for the first time a radical notion -- that the way things are done here and now, is not an immutable, universal constant.

I see Carl lying on the living room floor, holding one-year-old Sasha high above him and moving her this way and that as he cries “Unidentified Flying Baby!” and she giggles with delight, always wanting more.

I see him walking with two-year-old Sam in the small forest near our house. Sam spies something on the ground and toddles over to retrieve it. He then solemnly presents this special twig in the shape of a “y” to Carl and Carl carries it with him for the rest of his life.
I hold the magical little “y” twig in my hand. Ten long trips around the sun since I last saw that smile, but only joy and thankfulness that on a tiny world in the vastness, for a couple of moments in the immensity of time, we were one.

Ann Druyan
Ithaca, N.Y.

In Celebration of Black History Month

I'm reading this book about the underground railroad.














Hodgepodge:

1. The coroner in the NOLA hospital death case after Katrina still can't decide if the deaths were homocides. Why a case against the doctor and two nurses was brought in the first place is odd.

2. Benjamin Franklin hitting on Pam?? Michael decided that Franklin was a sleazebag and that the stripper gave him good advice.

3. I still have a sore throat and cough. I think I'll only work 'til noon.

4. It's Friday.

5. It's Groundhog Day. If any animal deserves its own day, it sure as hell aint the groundhog. Those things are ugly mofos.

6. My car needs washing--inside and out.

beyonce irreplaceable

I realize I'm not in the age group this song is targeted for, but I like it. It's overplayed on the radio, but it's bouncy.


To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool -
Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool -
Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
To the left
To the left
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

Presidential Material

Another Contender

Reheating a Soufle?

These guys were IT for me in the early 80's. Loved them. Drove three hours to go to a concert of theirs in the middle of Florida. Wall to wall people and I had to pee so badly.

Check out Sting's cheekbones! Anyway, the group Police is reuniting for the Grammys.

Mostly for Spidey

LOS ANGELES - Bob Carroll Jr., a pioneering television writer who worked on all of Lucille Ball’s TV shows, including “I Love Lucy,” has died. He was 87.
Carroll, who had been in failing health for the past month, died Saturday, family friend and fellow TV writer Thomas Watson told The Associated Press on Monday.
Carroll and Madelyn Pugh Davis, his writing partner of more than 60 years, were working on comedian Steve Allen’s radio show in the 1940s when they learned Ball was looking for writers for her show, “My Favorite Husband.”

Rest of article

Dinesh D'Souza is D'fucking D'nuts

Blaming Liberals for 9/11

Monday Stuff

I have a sore throat and a cough. Blech.

LP has a doctor's appointment at 11 today so I have to go pick him up and then drop him back off at school afterwards.

It snowed again yesterday and the temperature was in single digits. Nasty stuff.


Must be great to be Steve Carell. Last night at the Screen Actor's Guild awards he won in Best Ensemble for a television comedy, The Office, and Best Ensemble for a movie, Little Miss Sunshine. He must be a good luck charm.

In mid-winter, a taste of summer

A white lily and bi colored lupine

New Blogger Bug?

I tried to put a picture on the "New Blogger." It uploads it okay and then it says (as the old one did) After you click "DONE" the picture will appear. Problem is the word Done is not to be seen. Anyone else having that problem?

Unidentified noises

I hate unidentified house noises. Last night I heard noises coming from the basement. It would stop, then start. It’s hard to sleep with something like that going on. BP’s on a road trip and won’t be home until tomorrow but I called him at 1am anyway and told him that I heard a noise from the basement.

BP: what kind of noise?
Me: I don’t know. Kind of like a tap.
BP: Like when that bird got in last summer?
Me: No.
BP: Well, it’s not a person. If someone was trying to get in through the basement window, there’s so much stuff in front of that small window you would have heard a crash.
Me: I suppose so.
BP: Is Liam asleep.
Me: Yes, I checked on him.
BP: I leave my computers running because of the Seti thing. Maybe it’s coming from the computer. Go down in the basement and check.
Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?? Me . . go down in the basement? At 1am??
BP: (laughs) Did you look outside? Maybe it’s coming from outside.
Me: Yes, I looked thru the blinds. Everything’s normal out there.
BP: Maybe it’s the hot water heater kicking on.
Me: No, I know that sound.
BP: Maybe it’s the cat, getting revenge for being put on the porch.
Me: No, I checked on her too.
BP: Is it a constant noise?
Me: No, it stops and starts. A tapping.
BP: I wonder if it’s that Jehovah’s Witness I walled up alive down there.
Me: (in my Maude voice) God’ll get you for that, Walter.
BP: I’m out of ideas. Try to sleep between the noises.
Me: You are no help.
BP: Puddin, I’m in Nebraska. I can’t go downstairs and investigate. I’m be home Sunday and I’ll figure it out then.

So I have to wait until tomorrow so he can look down in the basement for the noise

PS: Blogger made me switch to the "New" Blogger, which sucks.

Sweet Tired Cat

To cheer up Mems!

Stephen Colbert, George W Bush's Words

Overheard at Books-a-MIllion

Two clerks talking:
"I hate books, and reading bores me, I can't get into it. I'm just working here until a job at Aeropostale opens up."

A Stephen Colbert Fan!

Dave Letterman Wins A Bet

haha

Compliments

It's National Compliment Day!

Do these pants make my butt look big?

Thanks Teri!

Teri (of F and Teri fame) sent me this "where are they now?" story about Joe Sambito! He's done pretty well for himself. He has a good life and time hasn't ravaged his looks too badly :)
Thanks Teri!
I don't think Teri will mind me telling you that she and Fred are celebrating ten years together, nine married after meeting in our beloved BookShelf. One of the Shelf's success stories.

Joe Update

Joe Sambito

At one point in time (in the early 80's) I enjoyed major league baseball. I liked listening to slurry-voiced Harry Carey.
My favorite player was left-handed relief pitcher for the Houston Astros, Joe Sambito. Very good looking. When I lived in Florida, I'd heard that he had a home on Long Boat Key or Sarasota or somewhere like that--I forget now. Once, a girlfriend and I drove around trying to find the place just to gawk. I don't even know what would have happened had we spotted him. See? I was a stalker before stalking wasn't cool.
I don't know what he looks like now, or what he's doing.

I'm one not much for football

"Our" Indianapolis Colts are going to the Super Bowl. Good for them, but I don't understand rabid sports fans. How does it better their lives if a team they like wins? It's like they have a personal investment in it. Oh well, Peyton Manning seems like a good sort of fellow. Not unlike another footballer long time ago who seemed handsome and nice until he sliced his ex wife's neck to the point of almost decapitating her, and killed a guy who was just doing a good deed for her. I hope better things for Peyton's family.
Friday it was "wear Colts blue at work." I didn't. Call me odd but I didn't want a huge horse shoe in the middle of my chest.
Our dumbass governor put this gigantic blow up Colts footballer up on the lawn of the Governor's mansion. Talk about looking like Trailer Trash. I'll post a picture if I can find one online.
--------
UPDATE: The appraiser came yesterday, was an hour and ten minutes late, stayed for three minutes and snapped six pictures, and left. Not two hours later LP threw a pair of his dirty socks on the living room floor. I picked them up by the non dirty part and put them in his bed, not on his bed, in it.

NOTE: This post is pictured in nearly "Colts Blue."

Snow, Victory Garden, Orchids

I wanted to take LP out to breakfast this morning but if he wants to go, he’ll have to shovel some snow. I woke up to two inches on the ground, and it’s still coming down. It’s very pretty though. I like a fresh snow, but when it gets grimy and dirty and slushy from car exhaust that’s a different matter.

The appraiser guy didn’t call me back, so I don’t know if he’ll show up today or not.

To date I’ve received about 15 garden and seed catalogs. I looked through them last night, dog-earring pages as I went. If I ordered everything I wanted, I’d need a place the size of the Biltmore Estates.

Yesterday at lunch I watched Victory Garden. I loved when ole bearded, scruffy-looking Roger Swain hosted it. That now have this fey, younger guy who doesn’t know squat! WTF is that all about. He planted a miniature greenhouse full of different ferns and it looked like shit.

Anyway Erica Glasener was a guest correspondent. She used to have a kick ass garden show on HGTV where she’d visit normal people’s gardens and discuss plants with them. I loved that show. On yesterday’s Victory Garden she visited an orchid specialist and they showed the basics about growing orchids. It reminded me of Sparky and it put me off of my egg sandwich so I didn’t even finished lunch. (no offense Sparks)

That’s all

Refinancing

I hate mortgage companies and banks.
We're refinancing because I want to consolidate our debt and renovate the house (I blame Schell and Verb for this.)
We've been back and forth and back and forth on what the mortgage company needs. We think we've given them everything they need, but no . . .they want a copy of our marriage license, they want an additional month of bank statements yada yada yada.
Today the appraisor called and said the mortgage company wants pictures of the interior of our house and can we set up a time?
Ok, but do they want a picture of a clean and tidy house or the "lived in look." If it's the former that means I have to tidy up today. Shit fire and save matches.

"I don't want people to suck up to me because they think I can advance their career; I want people to suck up to me because they really like me."

Words of wisdom

Mostly for Tree, the Monkey Geek

Meredith at the Golden Globes

I'm Appalled (Again)

There's a new Target commercial that bastardizes the beloved Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye" song but clever Ad Men that they are, when "Goodbye" is sung they flash the word "Goodbuy" on the screen. GIT IT??? . . . Good bye . . . goodbuy? sigh.

And what makes it even worse is that the tune is sung "buy" a chick who sounds like she's drug-addled and Stepford Wifeish.

I bet the ad agency Big Boys sat around a huge conference table simultaneously high-fiving and jacking each other off in a congratulatory flourish after that ad was approved by the Powers That Be.

Golden Globes

The Golden Globes award show last night was boring with a capital B. Meryl Streep was fantastic as usual--no wonder industry people love her. She told us all to go to our theater managers and "politely" inquire as to why our small theaters don't show these first rate-but-in-limited-release movies (ie. Volver, Pan's Labrinyth, etc.) when she pulled out her speech, someone in the audience must have groaned because she said, "Oh, shut up. It isn't that long." She put on her glasses and looked around the theater, "Yes. I've worked with everyone here." haha..
Hugh Laurie was funny as usual.
Alec Baldwin was mildly amusing.
And I always love seeing Dustin Hoffman.
But that was about it. No hilarious Steve Carell speech.
Warren Beatty went on WAY too long. He must not allow Annette Bening to drink at home because she was sure as hell enjoying that champagne all night.
I don't watch "Ugly Betty" so I could give a shit about that show winning.
I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy" so I could not care less about McDreamy McSteamy or McDumbass.
Reese Witherspoon looked good in the yellow dress but someone should have given her a mirror to smooth her hair before going on stage.
Tiny Fey looked good for being Tina Fey. That dress looked very Barbie circa 1950.
Jennifer Hudson looked good, but she sounded as dumb as a rock.
Poor Prince, he won one of the early awards but was "stuck in traffice" so he wasn't there to accept. Too bad, so sad.


Okay, so I watched the red carpet stuff too. And may I just say one thing? I've said it before and it's my pet peeve.
You're an actor/actress of some stature (You're working, for crissakes) so ACT like you want to be there. Don't ACT like it's a chore to stop and talk to Joan Rivers, or Ryan Seacrest (blech) or Guilana DePandi. I'm talking about YOU Angelina Jolie. She was so fucking glum, it was disgusting. She looked guilty about being there with Brad--like Jennifer Aniston was going to jump out of the bushes and smackdown on her ass. You were with Brad Pitt, Dumbass. You could smile, enjoy the moment, instead of looking like you were planning your next trip to the Congo to adopt a kid. That kind of attitude frosts me. Brad, on the other hand, was very charming to people. He needs to ditch that big-lipped, tattooed, nutso, blood-drinking, broad.

Renee Zellweger. Oy vey. She's another one. What happened to her? Is she on drugs or was her girdle too tight? Her face was set it that "Ewww.....did someone just fart" way. Renee, loosen up and get off the cocaine, or meth, or whatever you're on. She's so Melania Trump, but Melania Trump has an excuse for looking pitiful--she's married to the Combover Man.

Jennifer Lopez was nice to the interviewers, but I was hoping she and Ben Affleck would pass one another on the way in, and Jennifer Garner could Alias-kick her on her cellulited ass.

The little girl from Little Miss Sunshine was cute. Seacrest asked her a question she didn't want to answer so she brought up her purse and said, "Look at this!" and the front of the purse opened to reveal a mirror . . . such a ten year old (or however old she is) thing to do. It was very cute.

Vanessa Williams was so un-PC! She was wearing a fur stole! Where were those PETA people with their bucket of blood?

MLK, Jr Day, Teenagers, Potato Soup and Abortions

Happy Day Off. I told LP last night that it's ironic that kids don't have to go to school today, because King was so very pro-education. He knew that education was the only way out of poverty and he urged children to get as much education as possible. So what happens on MLK, Jr. Day? No school for kids. The way of the world.

If there was ever a national holiday for me, I want it to be in May or June, when the weather is good and people can get their fat asses outside and do something nice. You can't go on a picnic on January 15th. (Shaddup Bert and Lubee--out there in warm weather States)

Anyway, I made a wonderful leek, carrot and potato soup yesterday and I'll have leftovers for lunch today. I'll feed some to LP if he's home from running around with his friends. BP will be home tonight, and he'll get something special.


"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. Theyignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions.Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" This is attributed to either Socrates or Plato and I don't care which one, if either, said it. It was true when and it's true now. Blech.


I read today that two Indiana legislators are introducing a bill that before an abortion is performed, the doctor would have to counsel the woman that "life begins at conception" and "the fetus feels pain." South Dakota already has a law like this? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Lawmakers: Keep your nose out of our collective vagina! I sent a YouTube clip of Wanda Sykes to Tree. Wanda says the no one is "pro-abortion, they're Pro-Choice." Women don't get together and say, Gurrrl, let's do something crazy today! Let's go have abortions! You in?

What this winter's been so far

Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

I'm getting a feeling for how it would be like living in the Pacific Northwest

My yard is saturated and I haven't even made it out to the birdfeeders to put fresh sunflower seeds in. What's the use? It'll get all wet and caked together anyway.

Ice is on the way! Blech. I saw some pictures of ice-covered automobiles in Oklahoma. It looks bad. And dangerous. Apparently Oklahoma has for-shit weather: Either it's dry and dusty, rainy and tornadoey, or sleet and icy. My sister and B-I-L used to live in Stillwater and she said I'm right on target.

I'm going to try and go to the grocery store before this afternoon. I need bread and kosher salt. What a combo.

I'm glad I don't have to work tomorrow.

Oh, I sent an email to Ed Begley telling him I enjoyed his new show (Living with Ed, in case you didn't read my post about it) and to be careful up on the roof. He emailed me back with:

"Thank you so much!

You made my day.

And, I promise I’ll be careful up there!

Ed"

It's on tonight at 10, and his guest star will be Jay Leno. I used to like Leno, now I detest him, but I'll still watch Ed.

Little Miss Sunshine

Tree reviewed this movie when it was out in theaters. I just watched it this afternoon, and I loved it. The casting was perfect. I've loved Toni Collete ever since Muriel's Wedding and she's so good in this. Alan Arkin. What can I say about him? He's absolutely fantastic in everything he does. (I loved his rant about having chicken for dinner, and his advice to his grandson "fuck as many women as you can. Not just one woman, but many women. I'm telling you fuck as many women as you can!") I thought Steve Carell would bomb playing this dark, suicidal character. I wondered if he could pull it off . . if I'd see Michael Scott in his performance. But he's a very versatile performer and very good in this. The kids who played Olive and her brother were terrifica as well. Greg Kinnear was right on target too.
I noticed the guy who plays obnoxious Hodges on CSI played a sympathetic part as the pageant musical director. Little Miss Sunshine gets an A.

An Evangelical to watch . . . become the next scandal

This is Stephan (sic) Munsey. I was flipping TV channels and landed on some Christian broadcasting on the Lesea Network. This yahoo is so very strange looking--much different from this photo. He has a dramatic combover, very puffy and blotchy face and eyebrows that looked as if they were lifted by a bad cosmetic surgeon. Anyway, he was preaching on the "Harvest Show." He wants people to call in and pledge 77 dollars a month for ten months. Supposedly great things will happen to you if you do his bidding. He isn't even a captive speaker like some evangelicals. He used poor grammar, with long pauses between words. Every five minutes or so, he'd cock his head and listen. Then he'd say that he was speaking to a specific someone "out there," but he didn't know to who(m). But God was telling him, to tell us, that if we'd call and pledge (even though Satan may want to hold us back) $77 a month for ten months that we would A) be healed, or B) know financial gain, or C) find the mate we longed for. wtf?
I looked him up on Google and his church is in upstate Indiana in a small town called Munster and from this picture he evidentally used to have a fundraiser and requested people pledge FORTY-NINE dollars a month for ten months.
Anyway, he's a scandal waiting to happen. Trust me on this. Why do evangelical Christians (some are probably intelligent functioning adults) fall for people like this yahoo? He was like a train wreck. I wanted to look away, but couldn't.

For Spidey**

Idealistic, Man of Honor Liberal George McGovern

The evil racist George Wallace

Famous mugshots of 2006

Dubya and imprisoned lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

I love Ed

My new favorite show is on HGTV Sundays at 10pm and is called Living with Ed.
Ed Begley, Jr. has been an environmentalist since 1970 and lives in a small house in Studio City CA--a far cry from the "normal" "successful" Hollywood actor. His house is all-green: He generates his own electricity (he bikes 50 minutes to power the toaster to make his morning toast,) has solar panels atop his house, has a white picket fence made out of recycled milk jugs,catches rainwater in barrels to recycle it, and buys post consumer recycled paper and other goods, and recycles paper and plastic products. He "lives simply so that others may simply live." He's forever on the roof doing something--sweeping and cleaning the solar panels, cleaning gutters, etc. His wife worries that 1. he'll fall off ("I'd never know how to do all this solar stuff if he dies") and 2. wonders if his life insurance policy is paid and up-to-date.

He's a Green Dream. Except, of course to his wife Rachelle, who came to Hollywood to become an actress and live in an Aaron Spelling-type house. She says she can't leave home without returning to something else Ed's cooked up . . he calls her "the Commandant." LOL. He runs the house like a ship "the SS Begley," and she whines "It's not a ship, Ed! It's a house!" A modern day Green Acres.
It's both fun and informative--it's Funormative!!! And I love Ed Begley, Jr!!

Ed's Website

Evy in the trashcan

We were supposed to get an inch of snow overnight. We didn’t. Maybe it will come today.

My M-i-l’s 83rd birthday was this past weekend. She’s doing well.

I have about fifteen half burned candles around this house. I get tired of the scent about half way through, and then they sit around getting dusty. I’ll throw them out soon or later.

I spent Sunday cleaning up our bedroom. It was a mess and now it’s not (for the time being.)

I threw away two big garbage bags full of magazines. I guess I could have taken them to work and distributed them there, but the bags were heavy as hell and I didn’t want to lug that shit around. So I pitched them into the garbage cans (or dustbin as Meme would say?)

I’m taking a few books to work to give to the two other readers I know. I was going to throw them away but couldn’t do it. Don’t tell, but the one book I did throw away was Evy’s bigass Bill Bailey Aint Coming Home book. I’m not even going to apologize for it. What’s done is done. No looking back. C’est la vie.

My computer desk really needs to be straightened up. There are piles here and there.

We have a three day weekend coming up, thanks to MLK, Jr. Thanks Marty! RIP.

Books

I made two good purchases at a half priced bookshop the other day.

1. The Creaky Traveler in Ireland (Clare, Kerry and West Cork) A journey for the mobile but not agile by Warren Rovetch. I love travel books on Ireland, and have been to Clare and West Cork so I’m excited to read his stories and what places there he finds of interest.

2. Ruined by Reading: A Life in Books by Lynne Sharon Schwartz. I’m reading this one now and it’s very interesting. After reading a New York Times piece quoting a Chinese scholar which stated: “belief in Buddhism . . . has curbed his appetite for books,” Mr. Cha says, “To read more is a handicap. It is better to keep your own mind free and not to let the thinking of others interfere with your own free thinking,” Schwartz thought about the whole Zen thing of “empty is full”, and “full is empty”, and writes about all the books that had influenced her life and helped shape her as a person.
You might now thinking reading a book about books is boring. It’s not. I wholeheartedly recommend this book.

"You stink!"

Yesterday a few of us at work were eating lunch together. Two whities, one Asian (who has lived in this country for over 25 years) and two African Americans. All women but one black man. No, this isn’t a set up for a joke. I mention race because it’s an integral part of the story. I forgot how the topic came up but here’s how the conversation went:

Asian chimed in with “You Americans stink.”

The whities and the blacks all exclaimed, “What do you mean, ‘we stink’?”

Asian: I can smell your farts through your clothes.

(quizzical looks from us)

Black woman: And you don’t pass gas?

Asian: Yes, but I go to the bathroom and pull down my pants first.

We all LOL’d.

Me: Well you can be sure that your husband and son don’t go to the bathroom to fart!

Asian: Oh, yes they do!

Black man: Don’t people in your old country just shit in holes in the floor and out in the field? Talk about STINK!

Asian: They do in China! But I am Taiwanese! We poop in toilet!

White woman: Americans spend billions and billions every year on deodorants, creams, shampoo, lotions. We don’t stink any more than any other people on this planet.

Asian: No matter. Farts still stink through your clothes.

Black woman: Then get your nose out of our asses!



No point to the story. I just wanted to share some intellectual lunch time chat.

Good Morning, Mon!

For the first twenty minutes of last night's Back from Jamaica episode of The Office, I was thinking "what the heck is that in Michael's hair (mon)??" I knew it was the colors of Jamaica's flag but couldn't figure out what it was. It was his dreadlock bead! Hahahahahaha He was sporting an eighth of an inch dreadlock!
I knew a guy who went to Jamaica one summer, and he too talked like a Jamaican ("hey mon" this and "hey mon" that) upon his return for nearly a month until someone said, "Say that one more time and I'll beat you to a bloody pulp!"
The look on Michael's face when he saw he sent the sexy Jan picture to the PACKAGING Department instead of Todd (Fudge) PACKER was beautiful to behold. Kind of like he was going to vomit a little in his mouth.

Rummy Saddam and Cheese

Rummy and Saddam when they were friendly (and one was alive)

Anyway, Kraft Cheese is on my shit list this week. I bought some of their parmesan cheese in the new self grater package and hated it. The grater would not grate (a bad thing) so I had to destroy the grater packaging just to get the freaking cheeese out and grate it with my rasp. The cheese sucked----very low quality parm. I emailed Kraft and told them of my displeasure. So what do they send me? Not a check for my two dollars and something that the nasty stuff cost me-----but a coupon for another self-grating package of their wet cheese. Good customer service Kraft! (rolls eyes)

So what do Rummy, Saddam, and wet, gross cheese have in common? I don't know--you tell me.

Wednesday, feels like Tuesday

I went back to work yesterday for the first time since the holidays. Blech. The first day back is always full of blech.

LP goes back to school today. Or he would but he has a follow up doctor's appointment and tests at Riley so he has a reprieve. It's back to the books for him tomorrow ("back to the books"...har. Like that'll happen)

I had coffee, orange juice, rye toast and an egg with pepper flakes on it for breakfast.

The cat is running from one end of the home to the other this morning. When she's like this, BP calls her a "thundering herd of cat."

That, is all.

The way I visualize numbers and months

Numbers


Here’s how I’ve always seen numbers: Approximately four feet in front of me there is a straight line that starts at the tip of my left foot and goes straight across the floor toward my right foot and passes it. Number ONE starts at my left foot and in four feet increments other numbers follow. When you get to TEN, the line makes a 90 degree right angle in my direction and the double digit “teenage” numbers resume on the line until it hits TWENTY. At TWENTY the line makes another 90 degree right angle away from my direction and continues on through the 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and so on into infinity. I’ve always thought it was odd that the 11 through 19 teenage years differentiate themselves from all the other years.




Months

Imagine an ellipse. Kind of an oval, certainly not a round circle. An ellipse, kinda like a racetrack. If you looked at the racetrack as an elliptical clock, at eleven o’clock—out towards the upper left-hand side would begin the month of January. Don’t ask me why---it just has always started from that place. Working clockwise, space the months and seasons all the way around the ellipse. Toward the first curve is May and starts Spring, the second curve of the track starts Summer and the third curve starts Autumn.


I visualize man made time this way. I always have—ever since I first learned to tell time and learn the months of the year. Anyway, Happy New Year---at the eleven o-clock space near the top of the Ellipse!

TV's Funniest Lines of 2006

Hate Books
''Earlier today, Bob Woodward's new book came out, and it claims the Bush administration has bungled the war in Iraq. When reached for comment, President Bush said, 'Just one more reason to hate books.'''CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT



Magic Beans
''I always knew the branch would shut down some day; I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.''JIM (JOHN KRASINSKI), AFTER HEARING THAT THE SCRANTON BUREAU WAS CLOSING, ON THE OFFICE



What you say is Crap
''I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point, but I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap.''DAVID LETTERMAN TO GUEST BILL O'REILLY, ON THE LATE SHOW



Still shot in the face
''Hold on a second.... Jon, I'm being told Whittington's condition has now been upgraded from 'stable' to 'stable, but still shot in the face by the Vice President.'''ED HELMS, FAKE REPORTING ON THE HEALTH OF HARRY WHITTINGTON FROM ''OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS,'' ON THE DAILY SHOW



More hardship
''We've gone through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together.''HOMER TO MARGE, AFTER SOMEONE ASKS THE DUO FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELING, ON THE SIMPSONS




Swatches
''Angelina Jolie says she is going to adopt another baby, but she hasn't decided if the baby will be black, Asian, or white. Jolie said, 'I'm gonna spend the weekend looking at swatches.'''CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT




Focus
''I don't go hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do, thank you, Billy. You need another job. I mean, you have potential as a human being. This may not be right for you. Seriously, can you focus on other things?''JEREMY PIVEN, TO PRESHOW HOST BILLY BUSH, WHO ASKED IF PIVEN HAD MET VIOLET AFFLECK OR SURI CRUISE, ON THE 2006 EMMY RED CARPET SPECIAL


MORE FUNNIEST LINES

If You Had 15 Seconds

15 Seconds

I blame Meme

I feel funny. No funny ha ha, funny strange. I blame Meme. Not for any concrete reason, but because I can.
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French Lick Casino was beautiful but the service was atrocious . . . at check-in, housekeeping, at the restaurant, and in the casino. I say that if you’re going to an upscale restaurant that changes $43 for a steak, the service needs to be outstanding. Silly me.

The rooms were nice, though. LP asked his Aunt if he could bring Jordan with him (“it’ll be more fun.”) and so he did. The boys got their own room and were scoping girls (or “females” as young white-as-black males call them) from the get go. Both boys were wonderfully behaved believe it or not. Jordan said that the hotel was just like a “celebrity hotel” and the high, white down comfort-ed bed was like “sleeping in a cloud.”

Both boys were nice to my niece and actually let her hang around with them and took her swimming a few times. Then they hung out in the resort’s bowling alley and shops. LP talked this saleslady into letting him try on this $8000 mink coat. LOL. Good grief.

I lost about $300 (your good luck wishes meant CRAP) but had fun at the $1 slots. I played slots with my Mom and she got a kick out of the Haywire machines—the slots that go crazy and sometimes pay double or triple.

The second day when we were broke Mom, Aunt Pat and I played 5 cent Sevens and Butterflies slots. That was actually fun. Mom hit a 300 coin pot and was excited until she remembered it was nickels and amounted to $15 or something like that.

BP enjoyed himself at the craps table and walked away with a $35 profit and was pleased as punch. Me to BP: WE CAN’T RETIRE ON A 35 DOLLAR PROFIT!!! He woke me up on my birthday with a lusty “I’ve never had a blow job from a 50 year old before,” to which I replied, “Well, let’s just keep that streak going for you, shall we?”

We're leaving for the casino in a few hours.
Don't miss me too much.
We'll be back before you know it.
Wish me the Midas Touch.

Here’s an update on my Christmas day.

Made coffee.

Made my “special salad” to take to the dinner.


Had to wake the Ps up to open gifts cause we were due at my sister’s house at noon.


Went to my oldest sister’s. All family was present except my whackjob sister.

Opened more gifts.

Had a fight with a middle sister.

Made up with my middle sister.

It rained.

Had a wonderful dinner.

Walked their dog---one of the friendliest, sweetest dogs in the world.

Helped clean up after dinner.

Played all different kinds of poker with Mom, two sisters, brother, B-in-L, and BP drifted in and out of the games.

Came home.

Relaxed.

Watched Christmas Deal or No Deal and tried to win $100,000 (I didn’t)

LP went over to Jordan’s to see his Christmas loot. When they were on the phone, LP said Jordan wanted to talk to me:

J: Merry Christmas, Liam’s mama!!

Me: Thanks! Did you have a great one?

J: Yes. Did you get what you wanted?

Me: All I want is a loving, wonderful son who obeys and does well in school and is a joy.

J: Well, then you got what you wanted!

(LOL)


We had a nice day.

I feel better today. Not at 100% but better. I slept on the couch most of yesterday day. Got up and took a bath, then went to bed at 9, and slept to about 8 this morning.
I have a headache, and I need to go do some last minute things--grocery, and wrap some gifts Liam bought. And my house is a mess. The kitchen's a mess. I need to vacuum the living room. I need to clean the bathroom. Yuck.
Merry Christmas Eve.