TV's Funniest Lines of 2006

Hate Books
''Earlier today, Bob Woodward's new book came out, and it claims the Bush administration has bungled the war in Iraq. When reached for comment, President Bush said, 'Just one more reason to hate books.'''CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT



Magic Beans
''I always knew the branch would shut down some day; I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.''JIM (JOHN KRASINSKI), AFTER HEARING THAT THE SCRANTON BUREAU WAS CLOSING, ON THE OFFICE



What you say is Crap
''I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point, but I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap.''DAVID LETTERMAN TO GUEST BILL O'REILLY, ON THE LATE SHOW



Still shot in the face
''Hold on a second.... Jon, I'm being told Whittington's condition has now been upgraded from 'stable' to 'stable, but still shot in the face by the Vice President.'''ED HELMS, FAKE REPORTING ON THE HEALTH OF HARRY WHITTINGTON FROM ''OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS,'' ON THE DAILY SHOW



More hardship
''We've gone through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together.''HOMER TO MARGE, AFTER SOMEONE ASKS THE DUO FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELING, ON THE SIMPSONS




Swatches
''Angelina Jolie says she is going to adopt another baby, but she hasn't decided if the baby will be black, Asian, or white. Jolie said, 'I'm gonna spend the weekend looking at swatches.'''CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT




Focus
''I don't go hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do, thank you, Billy. You need another job. I mean, you have potential as a human being. This may not be right for you. Seriously, can you focus on other things?''JEREMY PIVEN, TO PRESHOW HOST BILLY BUSH, WHO ASKED IF PIVEN HAD MET VIOLET AFFLECK OR SURI CRUISE, ON THE 2006 EMMY RED CARPET SPECIAL


MORE FUNNIEST LINES

If You Had 15 Seconds

15 Seconds

I blame Meme

I feel funny. No funny ha ha, funny strange. I blame Meme. Not for any concrete reason, but because I can.
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French Lick Casino was beautiful but the service was atrocious . . . at check-in, housekeeping, at the restaurant, and in the casino. I say that if you’re going to an upscale restaurant that changes $43 for a steak, the service needs to be outstanding. Silly me.

The rooms were nice, though. LP asked his Aunt if he could bring Jordan with him (“it’ll be more fun.”) and so he did. The boys got their own room and were scoping girls (or “females” as young white-as-black males call them) from the get go. Both boys were wonderfully behaved believe it or not. Jordan said that the hotel was just like a “celebrity hotel” and the high, white down comfort-ed bed was like “sleeping in a cloud.”

Both boys were nice to my niece and actually let her hang around with them and took her swimming a few times. Then they hung out in the resort’s bowling alley and shops. LP talked this saleslady into letting him try on this $8000 mink coat. LOL. Good grief.

I lost about $300 (your good luck wishes meant CRAP) but had fun at the $1 slots. I played slots with my Mom and she got a kick out of the Haywire machines—the slots that go crazy and sometimes pay double or triple.

The second day when we were broke Mom, Aunt Pat and I played 5 cent Sevens and Butterflies slots. That was actually fun. Mom hit a 300 coin pot and was excited until she remembered it was nickels and amounted to $15 or something like that.

BP enjoyed himself at the craps table and walked away with a $35 profit and was pleased as punch. Me to BP: WE CAN’T RETIRE ON A 35 DOLLAR PROFIT!!! He woke me up on my birthday with a lusty “I’ve never had a blow job from a 50 year old before,” to which I replied, “Well, let’s just keep that streak going for you, shall we?”

We're leaving for the casino in a few hours.
Don't miss me too much.
We'll be back before you know it.
Wish me the Midas Touch.

Here’s an update on my Christmas day.

Made coffee.

Made my “special salad” to take to the dinner.


Had to wake the Ps up to open gifts cause we were due at my sister’s house at noon.


Went to my oldest sister’s. All family was present except my whackjob sister.

Opened more gifts.

Had a fight with a middle sister.

Made up with my middle sister.

It rained.

Had a wonderful dinner.

Walked their dog---one of the friendliest, sweetest dogs in the world.

Helped clean up after dinner.

Played all different kinds of poker with Mom, two sisters, brother, B-in-L, and BP drifted in and out of the games.

Came home.

Relaxed.

Watched Christmas Deal or No Deal and tried to win $100,000 (I didn’t)

LP went over to Jordan’s to see his Christmas loot. When they were on the phone, LP said Jordan wanted to talk to me:

J: Merry Christmas, Liam’s mama!!

Me: Thanks! Did you have a great one?

J: Yes. Did you get what you wanted?

Me: All I want is a loving, wonderful son who obeys and does well in school and is a joy.

J: Well, then you got what you wanted!

(LOL)


We had a nice day.

I feel better today. Not at 100% but better. I slept on the couch most of yesterday day. Got up and took a bath, then went to bed at 9, and slept to about 8 this morning.
I have a headache, and I need to go do some last minute things--grocery, and wrap some gifts Liam bought. And my house is a mess. The kitchen's a mess. I need to vacuum the living room. I need to clean the bathroom. Yuck.
Merry Christmas Eve.

Vomit and diarrhea

Last night I dreamt that I was sick. I woke up at 3am and was. I spent the next half hour sitting on the toilet with explosive diarrhea, and vomiting into the wastebasket. Oh, did I mention I’m on my period too? ARGGGH. As I was sitting there barfing, with my godawful dirty hair (I was planning to wash it this morning) with vomit on my t-shirt sleeve, I thought about the poor paramedics and CSIs who’d show up if I died on the toilet like Elvis. They’d have to take pictures and samples and have to deal with the smells. I lived so that those people wouldn’t have to deal with it.
After my intestines/colon/whatever was finished churning and I was finished vomiting for the time being, I was so weak and tired I barely made it back to bed (I brought the wastebasket with me just in case.). With BP returning from a business trip this evening, thank God I had the bed to myself. I was freezing and shivering for awhile and piled on every spare blanket and throw. Then, I’d turn so hot and sticky, I’d throw them all on the floor.
I dreamed fitfully that I was at dinner with David Letterman and he was eating a steak and creamed spinach. The thought of food revolted me and I vomited in my purse.
I got up again at 6 and started the process all over. Nesta was whining to be let in so I filled her water and food dishes, let her in and went back to bed and slept until 11.
LP got up, saw what a shitty, matted, crusty mess I was and asked if he could help. I sent him to the little store a few blocks away for a Sprite and some Tums.
It’s now 3pm and I’m feeling better and just washed my hair. I put the bedclothes and my vomited t-shirt in the washer. LP went to Jordan’s house.
How do bulimics stand to vomit on purpose? It’s one of the worst things to go through.
I think Bert put a Brown People hex on me because he didn’t like the banana stand. Merry-puking-Christmas.

Since he asked . . .

A perfect gift for BertBananas. So your bananas don't bruise and turn brown.

Recruiting Donald Trump

His name calling of Rosie O'Donnell---"ugly" "unattractive" "loser" (why, she's a "gay looser"!!!!) "fat", etc . . .I was thinking he would fit right in on the BookShelf. Hell, he might even go on there incognito.
Maybe he was Wolfy, pining for Parker Posey.
Maybe he was Sassy pretending to be a professor.
C-c-c-could he be ILove??
Anyway, I think Trump's a turd, an unclassy (if that's a word) turd.
So he's going to sue Rosie. Ha. Truth's a defense to slander. Trump is a sleazy snake oil salesman.
Have you seen the ads for The Apprentice? It's in Los Angeles this time. Stupid. Trump's associated with New York and he's bailing. Plus, no Carolyn--Ivanka's taking her place. I won't watch it and I hope it tanks.

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Speaking of tanks . . . ."Tanks" go out to Orbie for her Christmas card and family letter. I enjoyed it. Thanks Orbie!!

Mucusy sinus drainage and a Spidey card

LP has recovered nicely ( my theory was it was mucusy sinus drainage he was barfing up and not ecoli from Taco Bell) and is going to take some finals today. I talked to his assistant principal yesterday and even though today is the last day for students, I can take the child to school tomorrow, anytime, and the teachers will be there and he can make up his Tuesday finals. That's good.

---I got a cute Christmas card from Spidey, complete with red snowflakes tumbling out of the envelope (grrrrrr). Nesta thought she should be allowed to eat these things.

----Today is my last day of work for 2006! Except that I have to go in Friday and sign timesheets. I have so much planned for the week off: Cleaning, reorganizing my closet, enjoying the holiday with the Puddins, laundry, going to the casino for my BIRTHDAY (don't forget, my peeps), and writing the great American novel (like James Frey) and being booked on Oprah so I can sell millions of copies and be an international SUPERSTAR. I'll be the literary world's answer to Yanni.

--PS: I just got LP up and told him to get ready for school. He replied, "Thanks for getting me up at the crack of Dawn Mom so I can get my education!" I wonder where he gets that sarcasm from?

Christmas cards and vomiting

Thanks for the Christmas card Jilly. You’re always so thoughtful.
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I received a card from Tree too. It’s my favorite this year: Black and white, with a bunch of little boys dressed in red (I’m imagining the color) hooded fleece outfits pulling a string that’s attached to the trunk of a Christmas tree. Galison New York. Old-fashiony. This card would be a cool framed and matted print. Inside she wrote a nice message, although I think she called me an arsonist!
Anyway, thanks Tree.

------------------------

LP came home from school yesterday, called me at work, said he wasn’t feeling well and was taking a nap. This is unheard of. He seldom naps. When I came home at 4:30 he was on the couch with a wastebasket near him. Uh oh. Around 6, I asked him to get up because I was afraid he’d never go to sleep at bedtime. He got up, went to the bathroom and then told me he had vomited twice before I got home. He and a friend had eaten lunch at Taco Bell that day. Yuck. He went back to sleep and woke up at 8 asking for a Sprite. Not having any in the house, I went down to the little store and brought back a Sprite for him. He drank half of that and went back to sleep and slept all night. I went to ask him this morning if he felt good enough to go to school (they have finals today and tomorrow) but he said no and wants to sleep. I plan on going to work this morning but I’ll come back at lunch to check on him. Poor kid.

From my favorite Emailer!

Just One More Thing

I bought Peter Falk’s Just One More Thing a few weeks back, but just got around to reading to last night. I finished it this afternoon. Loved it. It’s written in short bursts—a story about growing up, getting eye cancer at age three, joining the Merchant Marines and slumming around Europe—then stories about his very best friend John Cassavetes, a cartoonist friend of his by the name of Lou Lilly, working in New York, his wife Shera and of course Columbo. The raincoat? Peter’s idea. The ratty, clunker of an old car? His idea. The way Columbo was always fishing around his pockets for a pencil . . a list . . .etc. his idea.
Unlike some actors who come to resent the part that made them famous, Falk seems to appreciate the fans who appreciated his Columbo. Plus he got to do other work—working with Gena Rowlands in Woman Under the Influence, and my favorite, The In-Laws.

Here’s an excerpt:





The funniest picture I ever made was The In-Laws. . . . .
Today when I’m walking the streets in a crowded city, the chances are that within four blocks some taxi driver will slow down, open his window, yell ‘Serpentine,’ give me the thumbs-up sign and wave good-bye chuckling—or four construction workers three stories up on an unfinished roof will spot me and all four in unison will shoot an arm straight upward toward the sky, shout “Serpentine,” and laugh hilariously.

Alan Arkin and Peter waiting to shoot the Serpentine scene:

Peter

(to Alan)
Alan, I have a question.

Alan
Yes.

Peter
Do you think this is a funny scene?

Alan

(not believing his ears, looking incredulous)
And you don’t?

Peter
No. I think it’s silly.

Alan
You’re the dumbest actor in America.



Alan loved that scene so much. He got a kick out of just doing it. Watching him, his total enjoyment, his funny run five steps left, then five steps right, all while yelling “Serpentine”—he could have done that run a hundred times—he’d still be doing it today if the crew hadn’t gone home. It tickled him so much. And watching him tickled me.

Saffron Turducken

So I was in the spice aisle at Meijer's today looking for the ground cumin when I overheard these two women fighting about saffron. The older one thought that McCormick's made a mistake because "those saffron bottles are empty."
"No," said the other one, "it's like threads or something. They're in there."
"You're crazy," said the first. "Who would buy that empty bottles? And why does it cost so much?"

I left them there to duke it out. Saffron costs so much because it takes 50 million billion crocuses (croci?) to make a pound of that stuff. And to pay all those young Turks to gather it.

Saffron rice is really good though.
-------------

I have all the Christmas stuff I'm going to buy . . . bought. And wrapped. Now the only thing I have to worry about is what I'm making for dinner that day. I don't want to buy a big turkey. I'm not a ham person--unless it's that expensive spiral sliced stuff.Turducken? Nah . . Tony Bourdain has a funny commercial about turducken (he's against it.)

------------

The end.

My Favorite Bits from the Office Christmas parties

• Steve Carrell's face whenever he said "Jamaica Sandals All Inclusive"

• Michael Scott marking "his" Asian girlfriend. I actually laughed out loud.

• Steve Carrell singing that godawful James Blunt song Goodbye My Lover.

• Was that Jan Levinson-Gould (now just Levinson) on the other end of the last phone call?

• Dwight taking about knives with the Benihana chef.

• Jim talking about Michael Photoshopping himself into Carol's Christmas card

• Michael stealing steak from the guy.

• Toby's poor hang dog face when Dwight stole his bathrobe. I'm glad they're featuring Toby more.

• Ryan's list of excuses.

• Kelly singing We Belong Together for Ryan.

TAR, Survivor

I didn’t like The Amazing Race once Dave & Mary and the Chos left, and I liked it even less when the Male Models-Slash-Former Drug Addicts won. You’d think former drug addicts would be interesting—they weren’t.

Apparently they’re now filming TAR All Stars, including coalminers Mary & Dave and the Superstars of all Reality Shows Rob and his dull wife Amba.

Survivor. This go ‘round has been mucho boring. I liked that Jonathan guy, I think mainly because he sounds just like Alan Alda. Adam dude (the prerequisite Hot, But Dumb Guy) said he didn’t like Jonathan because he “didn’t have integrity.” (rolls eyes.) I think that in the near future the Survivor Producer should make it a rule that no one can call out another player because, 1) they lied, 2) they don’t have integrity, or 3) they’re lazy around camp. Season after season players seemed to be shocked, SHOCKED, I say, that other players fall into one of these categories. Duh. If I have to root for one player, I guess I’ll root for Yul to win. He’s played the Immunity Idol thing very well. TVGuide.com said there’s a BIG TWIST on Survivor—three finalists instead of two. Woooo.

I’m tired of Reality Shows.

Today

In the office today we are enjoying the soothing music of Tchaikovsky and his Nutcracker, The Sleeping Beauty, and Swan Lake.

Neostyle College 296. These are my new glasses I mentioned in the post below. The picture does not do them justice--it doesn't capture the subtle shadings, and of course, the sexiness when I'm donning them.

Christmas Party and Glasses

Last night’s dinner get-together was fun, but the food sucked big time. Aren’t Italian restaurants supposed to know how to make good Italian dishes? I ordered the spaghetti with Italian sausage and instead of, like, Italian sausage meatballs this place brought out this huge, grotesque and slightly obscene plate of plate with a big old sausage link on top. Blech. So I drank a pina colada, ate mostly salad and garlic bread.
The game part was fun. What is it about middle aged women that makes them go gaga over a stuffed Santa Claus or a Polar Bear Christmas stocking? Those were the two items that kept getting stolen—oh, and a box of Russell Stover chocolates. If you’re going to buy a good box of chocolates to give as a gift, Russell Stover isn’t the best.
Yours Truly selected a gift bag—inside was a pink lava lamp nightlight. I thought of Sparky and his lava light obsession, and my evening was nearly ruined. Needless to say, no one stole the lava lamp from me.
I got home at nine, took and bath and was in bed by ten. Whooo hooo.
---

BP and I got our new glasses yesterday afternoon. Mine are way cute. His—not so much. He got two pair, one pair normal everyday glasses and the other pair “safety” glasses (complete with removable side shields, attractive, eh?) for when he works with his big, manly tools. These three pairs of glasses cost us over $1000. I kid you not. Outrageous.

Assorted Items

Yesterday I took my staff out for a Christmas lunch, and then we came back and worked until five. Well, I worked until four, they worked until five. It’s good to be the King.

------------
I found the most adorable Christmas snack/cereal/candy bowls at Kohl’s. I bought all they had and I’m going to fill them with all kinds of goodies, wrap them in festive cellophane and ribbons, and make party favors and give them to all my people who are going to French Lick for my birthday. That is—if we end up going at all.

1’s mad at 4
2’s mad at 7
3’s mad at 4
4’s mad at 3, 7 and 1
5’s mad at 4
6’s mad at everyone
7’s mad at 6, 2 and 4

It was so much easier being kids, getting mad at a sibling, hitting them upside the head then everything would be forgotten about in an hour. My Mom, in that Universal Mom Wisdom, used to say “If you’re Mad, so Sad, you’re just going to have to get Glad again.” Why isn’t it that easy when you’re adults?

And seriously, some of you women might not agree, but men get over things easier than we women do. Men, in my experience, don’t get too involved with petty family in-fighting. Maybe it’s that they’d rather sit on the sofa with a ballgame on the television, stick their hand into their belt and take a nap. Or maybe they don’t have the stamina we women have to hold on to a good, long fight.

------------------

Monday night I’m going to a Christmas Dinner one of the women in my company organizes every year for the women employees. We were liberated about ten years ago and began sending out invitations to the male employees too, but no man has ever joined us. We have fun drinking, eating and playing that obnoxious Steal the Gift game, that Michael Scott in The Office called Yankee Swap. Why do people fight over $5 decorative soap, or a Christmas ornament?

A Recommendation

I bought Caroline Kennedy’s A Family of Poems: My Favorite Poetry for Children (paintings by Jon J Muth) intending to give it to my youngest sister for Christmas so she could enjoy it with her three children. I loved reading poetry to LP when he was younger. But I’m keeping this book for myself. I’ll buy her a second copy.

At the beginning of each section Caroline writes a snippet about growing up and how important poetry was to her mother. In fact she says that she and her brother were encouraged for every one of her mother and grandparents’ birthdays and holidays, instead of giving a gift-gift they had to copy a poem and illustrate it to present to the person. Her mother would keep all their creations in a family binder. She writes that both she and her brother complained about it, but that she continues the tradition with her own children, and they have continued the tradition of complaining! Haha.

Her brother John’s favorite childhood poem can be found in a section entitled “That’s So Silly.” She said that she always knew he was thinking about her!

Careless Willie
(anonymous)
Willie with a thirst for gore
Nailed his sister to the door
Mother said with humor quaint
“Careful, Willie, don’t scratch the paint!”


My favorite poem Yeat’s Lake Isle of Innisfree is in here, as is Clement Moore’s The Night Before Christmas, also some Robert Frost, Gwendolyn Brooks, ee cummings, Nikki Giovanni, A.A. Milne, Lewis Carroll and Christina Rossetti and others.


Caroline also includes of few of her mother’s poems—which are actually quite good. Muth's paintings are just beautiful. So if you need a gift for a young family (or yourself) I’ll recommend this one.

A Naguala Welcome

Naggypoo,
Welcome to the State of Emmerica!

In the past, I, too, have had to explain myself to an Indian AOL employee. It sucks. I have only this one blog, but am a contributor to the Communal page (that's not a Mark Foley comment) and to Meme's Dog's Bollock's one.Why don't you sign up for a Blogger blog at www.blogger.com it's an easy process, then email TreeSquish@aol.com and ask her pretty please to put up a link to it on the Community Comments Page which is here: http://abookshelf2.org/blog/. I would enjoy reading your rants on politics, PBS shows, Scientific American magazine, and your George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grill Machine exploits. Seriously. You should have been here after the November elections--you could have celebrated with me and the few other Liberals who post here. We had a party!

I'd love to see a PTB blog too, and a Janeh56 blog (I miss hearing about her Jim and the Kisseys.)

Enough with the bald snatches

I am copying Tree today. She reproduced some oldie posts on her blog, and I looked through my Word files and found the following. It was Halloween in the Shelf--the year I don't know-- (I was Razor in Apple) I had copied this apparently to use in the Gossip Column (don't you all miss the gossip column when it was good?)

Attendance at various times during the evening:
Charonsfairy
MennoniteBadArse
Doch an Dorrach1
Mmmhmmmmm yeah
EN0LAJ0Y
QuintIda
UndeadWreckoning
Atschimolsin
Razor in Apple
SoGhoulToMeecha
MinefieldDancer
JaneH56
Cyn9652
Lyin sack of
Ravinlunertick
WitCHazelle
Zippolighter
IlliterateFacade
Crapheadpuspot
HadaCho
Lax Fan1
ANCNTMARNR
Bronte On Crack
DameRecamier023
Lil drac sambo
Worshipmalyoung
Vanda52
Feralosity
ToohotsAssistant
TOOHOTLPGA
EatAWombat



ToohotsAssistant: I saved a baby sperm whale today...my director was so jealous
Lil drac sambo: if you're ever constipated, try putting on some neil young
TOOHOTLPGA: Not all female golfers are lesbians
QuintIda: (crossing self with elephant garlic)
Razor in Apple: Minefield dancer is Mrs. Paul McCartney.
JaneH56: Miss Trick or Treat is here
MennoniteBadArse: did anyone tell rosary and her left boob to come?
Zippolighter: i am just dressed up as zip
EN0LAJ0Y: Zippo, so creative! Strike a pose!
Crapheadpuspot: he was cajunassflamer last year....who was that girl who picked a big fight with him and everyone that it was vorhees
Lax Fan1: Things are tight. Including Enolas sphincter I guess
UndeadWreckoning: minefield dancer - wasn't that a song by tina turner?
ANCNTMARNR: Undisguised, I know, but Carmilla and Woman in White were both taken :)
HadaCho: Barry Bonds just hit another home run!
Vanda52: stock market is very scary at the moment
Vanda52: worship, i hate holloween, sicko holiday , teach kids to demand goods or else, no wonder there are snipers in the world
ToohotsAssistant: I'm eating buffalo chicken while I wait for the ambulance to come and rush me to the hospital to have my severed finger re-attached

Bald Snatches and Gwyneth Paltrow

Bert queried “Have you noticed that Britney Spears doesn't appear to be that good a mother?”
I have no doubt that she loves her kids, but she’s a hick. A hick with money and no one to tell her to stfu, and that when you have kids, you have to sacrifice and give up certain things. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of seeing and/or reading about Paris’ bal(le)d snatch, Lindsay’s bal(le)d snatch, and now Britney’s bal(le)d snatch (complete with Caesarian scar). And who said it was okay to shave your pubes? God gave us pubes for a reason, Girls. It’s protection . . . especially if you’re dumb enough not to wear underwear!

And here’s another celebrity thing that gets me. Gwyneth Paltrow is quoted in a Portuguese magazine, and reported in the main stream press, as saying that she’s glad she lives in Britain, and that Americans are dumber than Brits and Brits aren’t crass like us Yankees and that Brits talk about more than jobs and money over dinner. That may be true, but here’s the thing. Ole Gwennie is a child of privilege. She went to all the right schools and probably had nannies and maids and shit growing up, and mingle with the rich and powerful so what “real” Americans has she ever had contact with? Speaking for myself I don’t ever talk about jobs and money at all the smart dinner parties I get invited to.
I don’t care if she and Madonna live in England and have now obtained phoney British accents, but don’t go biting the hand that feeds you. If she thinks Americans are the Great Unwashed, then what’s that make her by accepting all that dirty cash for her second-rate movies that the G.U. went out and saw in theaters?

So, Miss Stank, live in peace with Chris Martin and your Apple and What’s His Name, and your pal Madonna and Stella McCartney and Posh Spice and hopefully you’ll discuss children’s nappies, baby poo, yoga and Pilates classes, world hunger and world politics over High Tea instead of that dirty nasty money you get from the Great Unwashed peasants over on this side of the Pond.

Saturday in the Hinterlands

All of a sudden, it’s winter here! After two days of awful wind and three inches of rain, it turned sunny. The water in my birdbath is frozen solid. I want to find a heater but I want a battered operated heater, if there is such a thing. Several years ago, the last birdbath heater I had was a plug in and my sweet, well-meaning (now deceased) neighbor ran over the cord with her snow blower. Out of the goodness of her heart she was snow-blowing our front walk when it happened, so I couldn’t get mad at her.
Anyway, I want a battered powered heater now.
As soon as the dryer goes off, I’m going shopping. I have a few necessities to get (kitty litter, toilet paper, shampoo) and then I want to just nosy around for awhile.
I’ve been up since 7 this morning and already I’ve had breakfast and coffee, vacuumed, cleaned the litter box, and washed two loads of laundry. Later I need to clean the bathroom—tub, sink and toilet—unless I can command LP to do it. But, to be honest, I’ll be happy to he just tackles that nastyass room of his.

Spidey, are you hung over from your martini binge yesterday?

Respighi (if you see this) have you heard anything good about Peter Falk’s autobiography? I ordered it and it should arrive soon. I’m going to start John Grisham’s The Innocent Man today. I’ve never read John Grisham’s lawyer books, but this one is a real story.

A kitty just pounced on my lap, so I'll sign off now.

Did you notice that Angela had a gnome on her Office desk in last night's episode?

christmas

sentimental sentiments

Parm frittata

I am definitely not in the so-called Christmas Spirit. I’m beginning to dread this time of year. I don’t even want to put up a Christmas Tree. Bah Humbug. I thought of Lemon Blur aka Conradcanary today because that Overstock.com girl was singing O-O-O The Big Big O, Overstock dot com . . . Conrad loves that dame. That commercial played last year too. What’s the matter? Can’t they spring for a new commercial?
It was just me and BP for dinner tonight, so I made breakfast: Applewood smoked bacon, rye toast, and a chive and Parmesan cheese frittata.

Chive & Parm Frittata

5 or 6 large eggs
3 TB milk
salt
black pepper
pinch red pepper flakes
½ cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
2 TB fresh snipped chives
2 TB minced fresh parsley

Preheat oven to 350.
Beat eggs, add milk and everything else.
In an oven-safe skillet (on the smallish side) on the stovetop, ON LOW, heat a tablespoon of both butter and olive oil. Add egg mixture and cook on low for a few minutes, then transfer the skillet in the oven and cook for an additional 8 to 10 minutes. It will be puffed and golden. Serve with toast and bacon. It’s prettier than plain scrambled eggs!

Commentary on Today's Drug Companies

Ask your doctor if Cymbalta is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Flonase is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Imitrex is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Lamisil is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Nexium is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Prevacid is right for you.
Ask your doctor if OrthoTr-Cyclen is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Lunesta is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Claritin is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Zyrtec is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Celebrex is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Advair is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Botox Cosmetic is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Lipitor is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Pravachol is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Zocor is right for you.
Ask your doctor if Paxil is right for you.
Ask your doctor if NuvoRing is right for you.

It’s Sunday, back to work tomorrow. Yesterday we went to M-i-l’s for dinner. Assleg Auntie was there with her doggie. She’s got to have another hip surgery in a few weeks so she’s kind of down. BP’s niece was there too. She’s a freshman in a bible college in Nashville, and she’s really enjoying it and seems very adult for being 18.
We stayed for about three hours and then headed home. I read the newspaper, LP went over to Jordan’s, and BP went out to the garage and worked with his new plasma cutter, which apparently doesn’t cut plasma, but steel. Who knew?
I should go out shopping or something today, but I feel like being lazy. I’ve got a few more loads of laundry to do and then . . nada.

Thanksgiving

We had a good time at my sister’s yesterday. After we ate and cleaned up the kitchen some of us went for a walk while the others played poker. The weather was absolutely gorgeous this Thanksgiving.

I got my assed chewed when we came home and it was discovered that I had forgotten our share of the leftover turkey and stuffing. Hey, I remembered the pecan pie and the godawful apple salad crap that one of my younger sister made. There’s always leftover apple salad. Wonder why? So we had to have mac and cheese for dinner that evening. Too bad so sad.

Today, since Tracee didn’t invite me to fart-shop with her, I didn’t go to any of the BIG sales. But at 10 this morning BP made me go to Harbor Freight, Lowe’s and Menard’s with him. Yeah, boy—that’s some good shopping! We also stopped at Circuit City for something in their flyer and surprise, surprise, they were out.

Tomorrow we’re going to my mother-in-law’s for yet another Thanksgiving. I really just want to stay home and do nothing, but I don’t see that happening.
Christmas season isn’t officially here because I haven’t yet heard Christmas music on my favorite radio station. I’ll alert you when that happens.

Kitty in a basket

 

I had a red lined basket on a table and the kitty climbed in and snoozed there

 

The Madness Has Begun

I only worked half day today. After lunch at a Thai place, BP and I went to Sam's for lemons, feta cheese and a hostess gift for his mom. We're having Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's with my family on Thursday and with BP's side at his mom's house on Saturday. The place was busy! Then we went to Meijer's for the rest of the things on my list. I was going to make Urban's basil and pesto thingy but then read that I needed a food processor. Unfortunately I don't have a food processor. It's an electronic like a dishwasher--and I don't have one of those either.

I'm making that hot artichoke and spinach dip that BP, my sisters and my brothers in law love. Also an orzo salad served in lemon cups--a recipe that I found on the foodtv site. I like all the ingredients and serving it in hollowed out lemons will look pretty. I''m also making a simple Nigella Lawson appetizer: cubed fresh feta, drizzled with good olive oil and lemon zest and sprinkled with dried oregano. What could be simpler and more delicious.

Meijer's was packed-a-roni but they had almost all the lanes opened and operating! Love it!

Tomorrow I'm staying home and getting things ready for Thursday. LP has school, so I'll have to drag my ass out of bed anyway to take him to school. I might treat myself to Panera coffee and a bagel . . . and bring it home for breakfast in bed with BP.

I also have to remember to go to the credit union because I need cash for the weekend. So note to self: Go to the Credit Union before 4:00pm!!! I also have to wrap the gifts for my sister's three kids. They always go skiing Christmas week so I want to make sure they have their gifts before they go.

Dear Sweet Great Aunt

I think it was Brigit (someone correct me if I'm mistaken) on the old Boreds who once posted a cool obituary that she had read in the newspaper. Here's a sweet obit I saw this morning (I assume it's written by Jane, because she's mentioned three times):

Margaret Jane Peffley, 89, dear, sweet great-aunt of Jane Brittain, left her earthly vessel and received her angel wings at 2:02 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2006, at St. Vincent Hospital, Indianapolis. Aunt Margaret passed into the arms of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, peacefully surrounded by her beloved great-niece, Jane, and her great-great-niece, Candee Anderson. Aunt Margaret married Uncle Rocky, “Roscoe” Peffley, on Aug. 9, 1939, and he preceded her in death on June 15, 1989.She is survived by her great-niece, Jane and husband George Brittain, Kokomo; great-great-niece, Candee and husband Ron Anderson, Kokomo; great-great-nephews, Todd and wife Shari Brittain and Blair and wife Elise Brittain; and several nieces and nephews.Earth hath no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. No services or visitation is planned. Goodwin Funeral Home, Frankfort, is in charge of arrangements. In lieu of flowers, the family request that you love one another, forgive each other and always do what is good and pleasing in the eyes of God.


She's not my dear sweet old Aunt, but here's to you, Margaret Jane!

Charities

Interesting article on Donor Disenchantment because of various past and ongoing scandals.
Although Americans can be very generous dollar-wise, it works out to an average of only 2% of their yearly income. "Individuals and households accounted for $199 billion of the total — giving away nearly 2 percent of their incomes on average, it said."

"United Way, the Nature Conservancy, Rick Santorum’s foundation – those things all add up," said Rick Cohen, former director of the National Committee for Responsive Philanthropy, referring to charity scandals that linger in the public’s mind. "They chip away at the public’s sense of trust."
Kevin McCarthy, CEO of the United Way of Inland Valley in California, argues that the perception that financial shenanigans are widespread is at least partly due to skewed media coverage and selective memory, noting that he still hears regularly about the 1992 scandal surrounding United Way CEO William Aramony."

(That's why I still refuse to give to United Way.)


Here's another LINK to some past Charitable shenanigans

No Drool Zone

LP wanted cupcakes for his birthday cake, so I made vanilla cake with cherry icing. Ick. It wouldn’t be my first choice but he got to choose. They turned out okay, but I think canned frosting tends to have a slick shortening aftertaste.

I went to Hobby Lobby and it was packed. I bought Christmas wrapping and a huge ass spool of wire ribbon that was half price…from $7.99 to $3.99. Good deal. I like wrapping gifts using wire ribbon. I also bought a generic looking HAPPY HOLIDAYS oval tin sign from our front door. I’m going to jazz it up with some greenery. They also had Halloween stuff off 90%! Jeez. So I bought some slick ceramic ghost “BOO” pins for next year (If I put them somewhere I can find them.) I buy crap on sale and pack if away for next year and then can’t find it when needed. Somewhere down in BP’s basement are boxes of Christmas cards I bought years ago.

There was this woman shopping with her two young boys. One was sitting in the cart being an angel, while the oldest one scrunched up his face and tighten his fist in an “I’m going to hit you” manner to every other kid passing by. Tis the season.

As many of one know I occasionally buy a National Enquirer and read it. Janie Jord and I used to discuss the stories in the Shelf. We especially liked the articles/pictures of big time celebrities with cellulite! JLo=cellulite (big surprise). Kate Hudson=cellulite.
Teri Hatcher. Britney. All possess wrinkly cottage cheese. Donatella Versace? Ewww…big time.

Anyway those rat bastard motherfuckers did it this time. They made me feel sorry for Rachael Ray! They ran a story on how her husband’s is cheating on her with this nasty, drug whore, ugly ass woman—complete with pictures. He pays her to spit and drool on him. Blech. I hope you’re not eating your breakfast as you’re reading this because it may put you off your Captain Crunch. She set him up. She passed a polygraph test the Enquirer gave her ( That must be the standard procedure in celebrity tell –all stories) So this guy ole Rach married apparently has this spit fetish. Ptooey.

Enquirer, stick to stories about red carpet fashions, what stars buy on Rodeo Drive, and old stars on their deathbeds (Schell alert: Put Dead Pool money on Charles Nelson Reilly!!) and deep six the hocker-chat. Thank yew.

16 Years Old! & The DaVinci Code

Today is my Little Puddin’s sixteenth birthday! As many of you may know, its so tricky buying something for a teenager—any teenager—because their tastes can be so varied. I’ve learned never to buy him clothes without bringing him along to the stores with me. What’s the sense in buying something he’ll never wear, right? I wanted to get him something special, something hopefully he could keep for a long, long time, so I selected a big chunky marine link sterling silver bracelet. Anyway, he opened it last night and he absolutely loved it. I was happy.
--------


I bought The DaVinci Code DVD on Wednesday and watched it and the special commentaries and behind the scenes stuff yesterday. For the most part the extras were boring EXCEPT for two:
1. “Codes in the DaVinci Code” which shows that director Ron Howard, along with help from the writer Dan Brown, slipped in some further clues in the film.
2. The “Magical Places” bit was very interesting too. Howard and the cast talked about filming in the Louve after hours. Wouldn’t that be an AMAZING experience—to have upclose and personal access to those pieces of art??? Also they said that the French government was very helpful in filming and granted them unprecedented access to certain places. The French were helpful—who knew?

The British government—not so much. Another cathedral had to stand in for Westminster Abbey and the set designer talked about making that cathedral look like W.A. However Ron Howard had nothing but praise for the English people because they had to shoot a street scene without blocking it off from the public. They were worried about the sounds, and people using flash cameras and mugging for the camera, etc. Howard said that everyone did as they were asked and were just very polite and cooperative.

Both Howard and Tom Hanks loved Scotland and shooting at Rosalyn Cathedral and said the people there were just lovely. I remember reading around the time they were making the film that there were some protests (mostly about the book itself, not necessarily the movie) so people working on the movie were pleasantly surprised with the people they met on each location.

An email I received

Emma,
Long time listener first time caller here.I don't know why I picked out one of Rag's comments, she's usually inconsequential, but she kept saying you started the fight with blu. I didn't have anything better to do until 10pm so I put all of Blu's and your comments in order. It started on November 9, a day that will live in infamy. They are in order but some seem odd because you both may be talking to other posters. This is also where we see Alex and Bly's love bloom.





Asst Tidbits NOVEMBER 9

He bought out an entire room at a restaurant so he and K could be alone.
With people like you watching his every move, do you blame him?
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 10:17

More importantly, Ed Bradley died. Allan, get on it.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 12:24 pm


Yes, don’t you people get CNN Breaking news delivered to your inbox?
I was the first to know about Britney filing for divorce. And acting as any good manager, sent that CNN breaking news headline to my staff to keep them informed of the important events in the world.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 1:38 pm

Bly can’t be bothered with actual numbers, Sheila.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 2:00 pm

I broke down Sheila’s table further:Salary per person, taxes, %1,002,075 235,406 23%190,452 32,277 17%115,007 14,121 12%76,557 7,090 9%43,150 3,024 7%14,149 421 3%
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 7:19 pm


I’m just guessing but I would think that a person making $14,149/yr would miss that $424 MORE than that person making $1,002,075 would miss $230,477
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 9, 2006 @ 9:30 pm

I disagree. It’s all relative.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 10:23 pm

Oh Bly, make up your mind. Rich or billions? You are presented with numbers of people who make a million that show they are paying more % wise than those who make less so now you up the ante to billions. How many people in the US are sitting on billions? And do you actually know how much they are paying? I did the taxes of an extremely wealthy man in Long Island who paid ten million in federal taxes a year. Is that enough for you? Nobody gets by free in this country besides those who refuse to work and reap the benefits of tax payments made by others.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 10:50 pm

Bly, You’d love living in Cuba. Take Emma with you.
Comment by blu — November 9, 2006 @ 10:58 pm

Ole!
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 6:13 am


Bly, Cuba. You can get there through Canada.
Tree, Yes. I agree with that to some degree. However I also side with people who got themselves to a substantial financial position and they should be able to enjoy it to the fullest extent without being penalized any more for it.
With attitudes like Bly “I would tax the billionaires until they were no more, and move down from there” there would be no drive for success and it goes against what America stands for to a certain degree.
For example, I am sure a man (once poor) I know who came from China to build a successful software company and go on to become a millionaire would have thought twice about coming here if leadership was of the Bly mentality.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 10:36 am

–if you tax the rich they don’t pay more tax they just fuck off to another country taking their wealth them
Thank You Meme.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 10:38 am


It’s not about “soaking the rich.” I’m talking about a simple concept: If you earn more money, it’s logical to assume that you would bear more of a tax burden than someone who makes less money. What’s so jhard to swallow about that?
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 11:26 am

—If you earn more money, it’s logical to assume that you would bear more of a tax burden than someone who makes less money. What’s so jhard to swallow about that?
And it’s obviously clear that they are. What are you not getting?
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 12:07 pm

Tree - Alice Munro came out with a new hardcover.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 12:20 pm

Rag, Do you mean Kate Atkinson?
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 12:45 pm


“What are you not getting?”
your attitude about those less fortunate
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 12:50 pm

You know nothing about my attitude nor what I do about the less fortunate Emma. I do know that your rich sister donated her Lexus to you and will be paying for your son’s college tuition. Perhaps you should redirect that to the poor? Or perhaps she should be taxed so heavily so she wouldn’t be able to do that? I was previously sticking to the figures presented which you either didn’t review or seem to understand, so now let’s make it personal.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 1:08 pm

By the way Emma, the Marc Jacob’s bag your sister gave you would easily cover a couple of tax payments for the poor. Why not do that?
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 1:11 pm

Oh hush Allan.
And Emma, I agree that the rich should be taxed at a greater %. Find me a post where I said I didn’t. The problem that I have with you is that you automatically jump down my throat when I stated that the rich are already paying a greater %. Yet you don’t get my attitude about the poor? Fuck off, Emma. You obviously have some gripe against me and are becoming such an annoying fucking bitch saying and arguing ANYTHING I post - ANYTHING. Perhaps some were right about you.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 1:20 pm

bluwhat my sister or friends give to me or my son out of their own generosity, has nothing to do with you. . . unless you count to contribute to your pettiness. I give plenty to the poor. That’s not even the point, but you take personal jabs. So be it.I’m not saying that the wealthy shouldn’t enjoy their money or belongings, but you just don’t get that, do you?
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 1:46 pm


“You know nothing about my attitude nor what I do about the less fortunate Emma.”
you’re right, I know only of what you type. And that’s not very attractive
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 1:47 pm

“Perhaps some were right about you.”
Oh gawd, the only thing I can retort to that is “Whatever”
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 10, 2006 @ 1:49 pm

Emma, Get off your high horse. You are not the new Mother Teresa or all of a sudden an advocate for the poor.
“but you just don’t get that, do you? ”
Trust me on this one - I get plenty with a far more clear and unbiased perception than you are capable of.
Comment by blu — November 10, 2006 @ 3:02 pm
.


Hateful Lemmings November 12

Emma, Stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are becoming an old hag just like your pal Elton.
Comment by blu — November 12, 2006 @ 2:09 pm

I don’t think Elton John thinks of himself of a victim.
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 12, 2006 @ 3:09 pm

Of course he does.
Comment by blu — November 12, 2006 @ 3:14 pm

I don’t Bly, however I don’t know about the other assorted motherfuckers here, and as per 222, I’m off to have a nice day.
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 12, 2006 @ 4:07 pm

Bly, Between your abortion ramblings and communist views, you’re as big a fruitcacke as those you insult.
Comment by blu — November 12, 2006 @ 7:21 pm

Sparks,I don’t care a good shit about Elton John, but he has a point about organized religion and its hatred of gays.(He also has a point about Madonna being a phony, but that’s another issue)
I am as stubborn as a mule–just as the rest of you are. I’ll fess up to that…now go and inspect Sparky’s shit.
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 13, 2006 @ 7:07 am

—he has a point about organized religion and its hatred of gays.
And he retaliates by saying religion breeds hateful people. A gross generalization.
Comment by blu — November 13, 2006 @ 11:03 am

Why should they? Everyone in this world doesn’t have to agree with you, Bly. Disassociate yourself from organized religion. Elton chooses to be a victim of prejudice. How many people are really that impacted by religious crackpots if they choose not to be?
Comment by blu — November 13, 2006 @ 4:15 pm

Beann, That’s what I was thinking. Bono’s done some wonderful things for this world. I like his music too
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 13, 2006 @ 8:42 pm

I disagree about Bono. Why do people expect him to live in sackcloth and ashes? He’s a multi millionaire and works hard. Let him have a mansion or two..he STILL donates his time, his celebrity, and his money to causes he believes in.Does anyone expect him to give ALL his money away? I sure don’t.
That’s a cop out to say “well Bono still has millions and mansions so why should *I* give my money to worthy causes?” He’s brought more attention and money for the AIDS problem, and lack of clean water, in Africa than almost anyone else you can name. I say you can have celebrity AND money and STILL be a do gooder.
Should Angelina Jolie forego all her money and give it all to build orphanages? Well, I guess it would be nice but it’s unlikely.
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 14, 2006 @ 10:21 am

I thought we were taxing millionaires until they were no more?
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 10:27 am

well, shame on him and his accountants. maybe that 5% saw its way to Africa. Evidently tax laws need to be rewritten. But IMHO Bono has done a world of good. One slimy thing done by his tax accountants does not negate all the good he’s done and the attention he’s focused on some of the poorest nations of this world.
As far as Sparky’s comment—the world is full of middle class do gooders, and I’m sure they don’t mind the celebrity do-gooders hogging all the glory. Thank God do-gooding isn’t restricted to famous people.
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 14, 2006 @ 11:02 am

Ohhhh! So in Bono’s case, she blames the tax accountant? LOL.
Emma, did you just not say a week ago that the rich should be taxed far greater than the poor? Are you now adding in an extra clause - saying if they donate some of the money, they should be exonerated from taxes, period?
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 11:25 am

—Does anyone expect him to give ALL his money away? I sure don’t.
Bly does. Ask him.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 11:29 am

We can disagree, Meme. And unlike blu you don’t seem to take it personally or make your point with personal attacks. You’re a right admirable cunt, and I say that with complete affection
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 14, 2006 @ 12:17 pm

“some clown who just moved up to extra-lean hamburger four months ago.”rofl
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 14, 2006 @ 4:27 pm

Emma - Arguing with you is pointless. You are never wrong even when you are proven wrong. That’s just plain stupidity and I don’t have patience for stupid and stubborn people.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 5:09 pm

blu, so shut up about it already. jeez. you sound like Sparky when he “doesn’t have time for further silliness” and then goes on and on and on.Over the online years you’ve given me and others A LOT of ammunition if I wanted to retailate and make a political or moral argument personal, but did I? No.I’m a Liberal and I believe in Liberal philiosophies. That’s me. It’s not you, nor do I try and convince you to break out of your crappy “What’s mine is mine” shell. I don’t care if you do or not. I just post comments and they can go in one ear and out the other for all I care. You take it like I’m personally going to come and take away all your money, force you to have an abortion, force you to vote Democrat, and force you to believe something you don’t.You’ve been spiteful and a wee bit of a bitch. Now I’m going to steal a line from that “Conservative” icon Stephen Colbert and tell you now, “You’re Dead To Me.”
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 14, 2006 @ 5:42 pm

Emma, If you don’t see the difference in your snipes towards me vs. the way you interact with Meme, then you are clueless. Simple clueless. You started this. And so now tough luck. Deal with it. And I don’t take what you say personally, you are not all that bright to have your opinions taken seriously.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 5:54 pm

—Over the online years you’ve given me and others A LOT of ammunition if I wanted to retailate and make a political or moral argument personal, but did I?
Are you kidding? Honey, go for it. You must have forgetten plenty you told me over the years. And that reminds me, no wonder you side with Clinton and his extra marital affairs.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 5:57 pm

I have no dirty linen here that hasn’t been aired out in my own blog. I know who I am & what I have done in life and secure enough in both not to be worried. Yet when someone has the audacity to threaten me in that way, I’d like to remind them they are not perfect themselves and perhaps they should consider the fact that I have kept quiet on a few things.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 7:36 pm

—take away all your money, force you to have an abortion, force you to vote Democrat, and force you to believe something you don’t.
I see you changed your post to add some more bullshit.
What money? Abortion? Show me one post where I stated I was against abortion. I am all for banning late term abortions unless for the health of the mother. That makes me pro-life all of a sudden? I never voted democrat? You talk so much shit about me and assume so much when I never stated any of these things. Just because someone doesn’t agree with all your liberal bullshit doesn’t all of a sudden make them a conservative republican. There is nothing wrong with being liberal. But you go around posting all this liberal bullshit just for the sake of doing it instead of basing it on any reasonability, common sense or intelligence. You’re unable to have an argument with anyone here or perhaps see someone’s elses point of view. When you come up against someone who has proved you wrong, you move on to the next post or in this case you had the audacity to threaten to use ammunition against me. Get real, Emma. And next time you try that, I will air your dirty laundry.
Comment by blu — November 14, 2006 @ 8:09 pm

“I was always under the opinion that Blu and Emma had decided behind our backs to carry on warfare and laugh at all of us lining up on one side or the other- I never considered their comments that disparaged each other were serious”
222, I heard this happened on the old Boreds between. . .I’m not sure . . pairasocks chick or that diner waitress chick that Iago loved until he met her. But it may be an Urban Shelf legend.
But no…no collusion with blu..she’s just a crazy stubborn mutherfucker and DTM
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 15, 2006 @ 9:13 am


Emma, I thought I was dead to you? And why not direct your name calling towards me? When I call you a stupid cunt, it’s directed to you - not as a response to someone else’s post. Funny, Emma - I am certainly not on everyone’s favorite list but nor do I try to be. There’s plenty around here I can’t stand and I don’t hide the fact, feelings are mutual. But you sure kiss plenty of ass around here because your fan club is dwindling. Ever wonder why quite a few people think you’re an idiot? By the way, are you still meeting married men in hotels for sex?
Comment by blu — November 15, 2006 @ 11:38 am


Mems, Oolijay–that was it!
Comment by EmmaWrites — November 15, 2006 @ 7:52 pm


The rest of the fight is on Tree's ReHash


End of email . . . .

Register Cat

When it's cold outside, this is Nesta's favorite place in the house---sitting atop the heat register. 

Spidey,
I just watched The Office from last night. What a great episode. The poor big guy getting hoisted up on the table. Michael, "I don't know what I have a hold of."
The exchange between Andy Bernard and Dwight in the elevator reminded me of myself and blu. haha!

Meth Lab/Braces

Yesterday when LP and I were taking back videos to the video place we saw cop cars cordoning off a whole street block. It was about three blocks from here. The police were there the whole day. It seems that an unidentified man went into this guy's apartment and shot him dead. The police theorize that it was about a drug sale gone wrong.

I know this cop from work. He's said that meth labs are just rampant in the Midwest. If they close one down, ten more spring up. Evidently it's cheap to make. You can probably get the formula off the Internet. He told me a tell tale sign you have one in your neighborhood is that there is usually a very, very strong smell of ammonia in the area, since that's one of he components. A co-worker looked horrified and said in the summer when she was walking her dog, she got a whiff of a strong ammonia smell. She thought it was cat pee. "You mean there could be a meth lab in my neighborhood??" Chances are . . .


----------

I took LP to his orthodontist last week. He gets his braces off in a few weeks and he's excited! They've been on for 2 1/2 years.

DWTS - Dancing With The Stars Finale Emmitt Smith

This just in . . Emmitt & Cheryl win!! YAY. Schell's jealous of his Hammer pants)

Tree, I think you will enjoy this

Lou Dobbs, Populist

Films I’ll watch over and over:

All That Heaven Allows--My favorite

Hannah & Her Sisters--Woody Allen at his best, before he turned perv. Michael Caine is lovely

East of Eden--Julie Harris is almost as fun to watch as James Dean

Maltese Falcon--Bogie. 'nuff said.

Young Frankenstein--it's Fraankenstein

Waiting for Guffman--Makes me smile just thinking about it

Best in Show--Ditto. I like the way Christopher Guest looks like his bloodhound

The Ghost & Mrs Muir--Escapism

Hud--Paul Newman shirtless. Oh my

12 Angry Men--Just great

Double Indemnity--Barbara Stanwyck is such a ballsy dame

Amelie--Audrey Tatou is just adorable

Broadcast News--Albert Brooks' flop sweat

To Sir With Love--Sidney Portier personifies elegance

The King of Comedy--Only Jerry Lewis film I'll watch. Rupert Pupkin's basement talk shows are genius

Murphy’s Romance--I really really like Sally Field in this one, and who wouldn't fall in love with James Garner?

Lost in America--Albert Brooks again.

Local Hero--This is such a wonderful fantasy film. Love the locations.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid--"The fall alone will kill you!"

Defending Your Life--Another Albert Brooks, this time with the wonderful Meryl Streep

Pillow Talk--Rock and Doris, but Tony Randall steals the show

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner--I like Katharine and Spencer together onscreen.

Autumn Leaves--It's so bad that's it's good. Joan Crawford in a swimsuit and it still looks like she is wearing shoulder pads

Mildred Pierce--Joan Crawford again

White Christmas--I love Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen together. I'm always amazed by Vera Ellen's waist size. It's got to be less than 12 inches!

Moonstruck--I love Cher. I love Nicolas Cage, but watch it for Olympia Dukakis

North By Northwest--Cary Grant being in danger but still debonair. What actor today is debonair? Name one!

On the Town--Love the songs.

Disney’s Beauty and the Beast--One of my top two all time favorite animated movies, plus Angela Lansbury plays a teapot!

Pixar’s Toy Story--The other of my favorite top two all time favorite animated movies.

Funny Girl--It's all about Barbra. Swoon.

Annie Hall--It made me love Diane Keaton, and I still do.

A Place in the Sun--Everyone is beautiful in Black and White--even Shelley Winters

Giant--Rock. James Dean. Elizabeth Taylor.

The Quiet Man--Schmaltzy but fun.

The Player--My favorite Robert Altman film, and Tim Robbins is just so good.

The Sound of Music--Christopher Plummer is wonderful in this, plus I love the opening shot1

Electric Horseman--Jane Fonda and Robert Redford,throw in some Willie Nelson and go.

Coming Home--Is this the only war film I love? Yeah.

To Kill a Mockingbird--Peck as Atticus Finch. That's all.

The African Queen--Bogie with leeches, looking dirty and druck. What's not to love?

A Star is Born--Babs and the yummy looking Kris Kristofferson. "The black black widow is sitting in the middle of the web it's the fly she seeks..'

The Way We Were--"Hubble? Hubble Gardener?" It's the final scene that does it for me...the way Babs smoothes Redford's hair. I like second banana actor Herb Edelman in this too.

Films I’ve never seen, and don’t want to:

Titanic

Fried Green Tomatoes

Any James Bond movie with Roger Moore

Beaches

Schlindler’s List

Any slasher movie with teenaged victims

Fight Club

Das Boot

A Clockwork Orange

Million Dollar Baby

Crash

Trainspotting

Dead Man Walking

The Last Temptation of Christ

Any Oliver Stone film

Saving Private Ryan

Taxi Driver

Boys Don’t Cry

Full Metal Jacket

Tomorrow: Films I'll watch over and over

Christmas season is officially here!

I bought a big bag of Christmas peppermint chewy nougats! Yum-O!

Blowhard Cop

I actually rooted against someone on Deal or No Deal tonight. The contestant was a blowhard cop who called the models "honey," and kept saying over and over, "That's what I'm talking about." He was trying to gain audience sympathy by saying he was shot at, that he wanted to win money for his family in case something should happen to him. Very manipulative. He was offered over a quarter of a million dollars and turned it down saying "I'm greedy." He ended up with $100,000, not too shabby but he could have left with more. That's what I'm talking about.

I saw Michael Chiarello make this the other day--maybe this is what I'll take to my sister's on Thanksgiving. It looked really good.

Autumn Panzanella

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Also, good luck to Spidey and Big Joe today. I'll be thinking about you.

After the laundry and other assorted housework I was too tired to go to a movie. LP stayed the night with Jordan, he’s supposed to be home soon but I doubt he’ll want to go see Stranger than Fiction with me. BP’s out in California until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I gave him Bert and Verbie’s addresses, so expect him for dinner you two. Ha.

The week after Christmas I think my oldest sister, her husband, and BP and I are going to French Lick for a few days. Here’s the link: French Lick. They have revitalized this small quaint town (hometown of basketball great Larry Bird) and renovated the mineral spas and added a casino. It will be a fun two days.

Saturday

It was raining and thundering and lightning last night with more rain on the way today, so that shoots my “Work Outside” Day today. I think I may see a movie today—either Borat or Stranger Than Fiction. I saw Dustin Hoffman the other night on The Daily Show (he’s in STF). What a funny man he is. He has five kids and the youngest left the house last year and so he said it was his Martin Luther King Day—“Free at last free at last thank God Almighty I’m free at last.” lol. Jon axed him which was worse: Having his teeth drilled on by a Nazi (in Marathon Man) or being groped by Charles Durning (in Tootsie). He picked the groped one.

We’re going to my youngest sister’s family house for Thanksgiving and she wants me to bring a “fun green salad.” OK. BORING. I’ll wing it.

LP’s 16th birthday is a week from today! I think Jilly mentioned in Tree’s blog that Maryland has raised the age limit on driving to 18. They’re thinking about doing that here, and I’ve told LP. I’ve pestered him three times to give me his choice about driver’s education (he can pick 2 weeks after school, or Sunday afternoons for ten weeks,) and he hasn’t decided. I’m not asking again. If he wants to drive then he’ll have to take some responsibility and decide some things.

Mostly for Tree

For Your Consideration


watch the trailer

Besides the wonderful election results there’s not too much new in Hoosierland.

In televisionland there’s:


Emmitt vs Mario. I’m rooting for an Emmitt upset.

Lost is so freaky boring. At this point I don’t care if Sawyer lives or if Jack lets Ben die. Yawn. Tree, your Ben Crush was looking really spooky in a few of the scenes last night—especially that one close up shot of him in those funky wire rim glasses. “Lift up your eyes and look north” indeed.

Those promos for Daybreak with Taye Diggs are only slightly less annoying than the dearly departed negative political ads. Argh. Within the Lost episode last night alone, there were about 20 commercials for that show. With ABC pushing it so much it’s got to be horrible. I’m not going to watch it. It’s Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day with murder. Blech.

The Davinci Code comes out on DVD on Tuesday.

Like corpses in a Chicagoland cemetery, vote early and often

One Breath

One more day until Election Day, Republicans

Yesterday LP and I went over to my Lexus sister’s to help her out. She had foot surgery four weeks ago and is still in a cast. She said it was hard to keep a positive attitude because she’s never had to depend on others for help. I told her that she’s always doing for people and she should just shut up and enjoy being waited on hand and foot, so to speak.

I did her laundry (as you know, I’m a pro at laundry), went to Marsh grocery shopping, and straighten up around her house, and gathered up her trash. Then we loaded her up into the car (wheelchair and all) and took her to lunch and to do a little shopping. LP scored big with clothes. He still loves The Foot Locker and Man Alive (when will he outgrow that “I was born a poor black child” sense of style—I don’t want him to be another PapaZao KFed). Lexus’ credit card was smoking.

Then she wanted to go to a bookstore so we went. We had tea and cinnamon scones. She bought some magazines and books and told us to get some stuff. She bought me that Alan Alda book I mentioned when it first came out in hardcover, so now Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is out in paperback so I got that. Plus she had read John Grisham’s The Innocent Man and wanted me to read it. She really liked it. I also got this intriguing book by Ted Bishop called Riding with Rilke. “A motorcycle odyssey that combines the sensory seduction of the road with the intellectual rewards of archival research.” Hmm. One of my all time favorite books is Robert Pirsig’s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and this Bishop book sounds reminiscent of it. I think I’ll read this one first.

Also magazines: the Rolling Stone magazine with Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert on the cover;National Geographic Traveler highlighting New York City on foot, the Caribbean, Ireland and passages thru India; and two Paula Deen cooking magazines: December issue and a special on holiday cooking. LP selected two hip hop magazines and a James Cagney boxed DVD set. Lexus kept thanking us over and over for helping her out yesterday, but LP and I walked away with some good stuff.

Oh, Also I’m making LP into a Bob Dylan fan. I was listening to one of his CDs when the song “Hurricane” (I love the violins on the song) came on. LP asked me about it, and I told him it was the story of black boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter who was falsely tried and found guilty of a triple murder. Corrupt cops, an all-white jury, etc. I think it appealed to LP’s sense of being a black child trapped in a white boy’s body. : )

I told him that it was really ‘shocking” at the time--to use the words “shit” “nigger” “sonofabitch” and the like in a 1975 song.


Hurricane, by Bob Dylan and Jacques Levy

Pistol shots ring out in the barroom night
Enter Patty Valentine from the upper hall.
She sees the bartender in a pool of blood,
Cries out, "My God, they killed them all!"
Here comes the story of the Hurricane,
The man the authorities came to blame
For somethin' that he never done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion of the world.

Three bodies lyin' there does Patty see
And another man named Bello, movin' around mysteriously.
"I didn't do it," he says, and he throws up his hands
"I was only robbin' the register, I hope you understand.
I saw them leavin'," he says, and he stops
"One of us had better call up the cops."
And so Patty calls the cops
And they arrive on the scene with their red lights flashin'
In the hot New Jersey night.

Meanwhile, far away in another part of town
Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin' around.
Number one contender for the middleweight crown
Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road
Just like the time before and the time before that.
In Paterson that's just the way things go.
If you're black you might as well not show up on the street
'Less you wanna draw the heat.

Alfred Bello had a partner and he had a rap for the cops.
Him and Arthur Dexter Bradley were just out prowlin' around
He said, "I saw two men runnin' out, they looked like middleweights
They jumped into a white car with out-of-state plates."
And Miss Patty Valentine just nodded her head.
Cop said, "Wait a minute, boys, this one's not dead"
So they took him to the infirmary
And though this man could hardly see
They told him that he could identify the guilty men.

Four in the mornin' and they haul Rubin in,
Take him to the hospital and they bring him upstairs.
The wounded man looks up through his one dyin' eye
Says, "Wha'd you bring him in here for? He ain't the guy!"
Yes, here's the story of the Hurricane,
The man the authorities came to blame
For somethin' that he never done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion of the world.

Four months later, the ghettos are in flame,
Rubin's in South America, fightin' for his name
While Arthur Dexter Bradley's still in the robbery game
And the cops are puttin' the screws to him, lookin' for somebody to blame.
"Remember that murder that happened in a bar?"
"Remember you said you saw the getaway car?"
"You think you'd like to play ball with the law?"
"Think it might-a been that fighter that you saw runnin' that night?"
"Don't forget that you are white."

Arthur Dexter Bradley said, "I'm really not sure."
Cops said, "A poor boy like you could use a break
We got you for the motel job and we're talkin' to your friend Bello
Now you don't wanta have to go back to jail, be a nice fellow.
You'll be doin' society a favor.
That sonofabitch is brave and gettin' braver.
We want to put his ass in stir
We want to pin this triple murder on him
He ain't no Gentleman Jim."

Rubin could take a man out with just one punch
But he never did like to talk about it all that much.
It's my work, he'd say, and I do it for pay
And when it's over I'd just as soon go on my way
Up to some paradise
Where the trout streams flow and the air is nice
And ride a horse along a trail.
But then they took him to the jailhouse
Where they try to turn a man into a mouse.

All of Rubin's cards were marked in advance
The trial was a pig-circus, he never had a chance.
The judge made Rubin's witnesses drunkards from the slums
To the white folks who watched he was a revolutionary bum
And to the black folks he was just a crazy nigger.
No one doubted that he pulled the trigger.
And though they could not produce the gun,
The D.A. said he was the one who did the deed
And the all-white jury agreed.

Rubin Carter was falsely tried.
The crime was murder "one," guess who testified?
Bello and Bradley and they both baldly lied
And the newspapers, they all went along for the ride.
How can the life of such a man
Be in the palm of some fool's hand?
To see him obviously framed
Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land
Where justice is a game.

Now all the criminals in their coats and their ties
Are free to drink martinis and watch the sun rise
While Rubin sits like Buddha in a ten-foot cell
An innocent man in a living hell.
That's the story of the Hurricane,
But it won't be over till they clear his name
And give him back the time he's done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion of the world.


Here's the Wikipedia dope on Carter

Blue in a Red

Last night I sent an email to this dude who is running for my State representative. Last time he ran I gave money to his campaign and supported him. Some upstart dude beat him because he (Upstart Dude) ran a very vicious negative campaign.

I was all set to vote for My Guy this Tuesday, until I heard his new radio commercial. In it he tells about his background and qualifications which was good but then at the end he spouts off about being “Pro Life” and that he shares “Hoosier Values.” Excuse me? He doesn’t bother to add that although he’s pro life he’ll vote, if necessary, Pro Choice so a woman can keep her reproductive rights. So if he didn’t add that I must assume he won’t. That’s what I emailed him about.

That’s a deal breaker for me. I won’t vote for Upstart Dude, but I’m not voting for My Guy cause he isn’t my guy no ‘mo. It’s hard being Blue in a Red State.

Mambo

Karina & Mario Lopez

DwtS Week 7: Emmitt & Cheryl Mambo

If this doesn't get your blood going--you're dead

Emmitt's Hips

It's November 2nd.

Mr. Eko died. Killed by a cloud of black smoke.
Who's the Eye Patch Guy? Another character we neither want nor need.

I watched Dancing with the Stars on Tuesday and I must admit kinda liked it. I now have a semi crush on Emmitt Smith. I don't know two shits about his football career, but his hip action when dancing is awesome. He seems to enjoy the dance floor. Joey Lawrence, of the Blossom "Whoa" fame is now bald and a lip-licker, but he does an excellent job. His partner, that Polish chick, is beautiful. She seems to be that unusual mix of niceness and beauty. Like me, I guess. (har) And Mario Lopez has dimples deep enough to take a spit bath in, he'll probably win. I loved his samba (now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type "I loved his samba.") and he's a crowd favorite.


I have a headache.

Happy Hallow Weenie

I hate the fact that so many schools and communities have distorted the true meaning of Halloween and negated its existence with "Fall Celebrations." Sheesh.

Some begging of free candy . . . witches, vampires, goblins and black cats and people go all Christian-y on you.

Give a vampire kiss to someone you love. Remember Carou Vamp? Didn't she make bats in the Book Shelf?

The good thing about having a teenager is that he’s more independent; he’s spreading his wings, stays out with his friends and tries to find his own way in life. The bad thing about having a teenager is that he’s more independent; he’s spreading his wings, stays out with his friends and tries to find his own way in life. On the weekends he’s rarely home except to sleep and shower and occasionally eat. I miss him.

Do Not Buy His Book

The Evil Bill O’Reilly was on Oprah yesterday trying to sell his new book. Don’t buy this book. He divides up people into Social Progressives (evil) and Traditional Warriors (good)

SPs want everything to be allowed: rap music, hiphop, abortion, “disgusting” movies, pornography, drugs, gay marriage, and, the Biggie, LIBERALISM. :::shudder::::
“DO YOU WANT AMERICA TO BE DENMARK OR HOLLAND???????”

Traditional Warriors want everything good for America: pro life, winning the war on terror, the “bad” guys in prison, torture’s ok if “it saves American lives”, motherhood, apple pie, and CONSERVATISM. According to Billy Boy, Martin Luther King was a T WARRIOR. JFK? T-Warrior! RFK? T-WARRIOR! As was FDR. ALL T WARRIORS! (lol)

Tree, can you just imagine Stephen Colbert coming up with the phrase “T Warrior”? Colbert would do it tongue-in-cheek. O’Reilly is dead serious.

“THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND!! PICK A SIDE!! THERE’S A WAR GOING ON! DEMOCRACY MUST PREVAIL!”

An audience woman called him on being divisive, and polarizing the nation. “You’re here talking calmly with Oprah, but on your show you do nothing but yell and say everyone but you is wrong. You make a lot of money polarizing this country.” She went on to say, “I work with gay youth, and . . .”

“SIT DOWN MADAM. YOU ARE AN SP! SP SP SP!”

And, of course, all the media (except him and FoxNews) is liberal. They’re bottom feeders. “Did you know my book is on the New York Times bestseller list and YET THE NEW YORK TIMES WON’T REVIEW IT?????????????”

When O’Reilly wails against BIG BUSINESS, and a man in the audience points out that FoxNews is a part of one of the biggest corporations, O’Reilly dismisses him as a “FOX HATER. YOU, SIR, ARE A FOX HATER!!”

To everyone who disagrees with him he yells, “DO YOU HATE AMERICA? DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN HOLLAND?” wtf??

What a fucking loon.

Oprah wimped out. She didn’t call him on nary a thing.

Letterman's Important Message About February for George Bush

haha!