Friday

It's Friday.
My assistant has jury duty today. She's bummed about it. I got called a few years ago but never actually got to serve on a jury--the defendent pled guilty a few minutes before the trial started. I still received my pay--fifteen dollars or something astronomical like that.

I hope the weather is dry this weekend--I've got 50 daffodil bulbs I want to plant.

Clean car

Yesterday I took my car in to get washed and detailed. I used a company on the recommendation of a friend's father.
Oh my gosh! This place did such a fantastic job! The car so clean! The wheels are shiny. The hubcaps are shiny.
My trunk had traces of potting soil and other crappola in it---now gone! Sticky stuff from Cokes in the cup holders---now gone! Believe it or not, they even cleaned the inside of BP's Butt Bucket ashtray cup! After I saw the car's interior went back inside the place and told the guy who worked on it "You did such a great job!" He said, "Thanks. The only thing that was really rough was the driver's side floormats. "
"Yeah, well they really hadn't been cleaned for three years." He gave me a "tsk tsk" look.
Even Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom couldn't find a stray hair, blood droplet or fingerprint in the entire thing.
Only problem is now I don't want even BP or LP to ride in it. One hundred dollars well spent.

Bloomin Show Off

Here are some garden pictures I just took: apricot cannas (third bloom), Cosmos (blooms all summer and fall), Iceberg Roses (I moved them last year and they love this spot!) Irises (second bloom--I need to dig them up and divide them after this bloom)

The bunny was in my yard eating my parsley, when I took some pictures he took off across the street. Little does he know that I don't care if he eats my parsley. I planted it for the neighborhood bunnies and butterflies.

Saturday

1. It's supposed to reach 88 degrees today. In October. I like sweatshirt weather--not just sweat weather.

2. My irises and lavender plants are reblooming! My roses look fab. How am I supposed to go shopping for pumpkins when the weather is hotter than Hell?

3. I like this new show on HGTV. Fun Shui. This feng shui expert decorator helps a couple out in a room they don't like. Last week is was an unrelaxing bedroom. Last night it was a dowdy kitchen. She says you're not supposed to have too many books in your bedroom--a lot of books create too much fire energy and it's not relaxing. Uncluttered . . soothing colors . . . photograps or decorative items placed in twos are calming for a bedroom. In the kitchen last night, she painted the ceiling red! Red? you say? Yes, red. I thought it would be god-awful, but with the other colors and some new appliances it looked fantastic. And did you know that the stove was one of the most important pieces of "furniture" in your home? It's where the family is fed and nourished. My stove is older than dirt and looks it. I want this stove
But before I get that stove, my whole kitchen needs to be gutted and redone. BP has told me that I am forbidden from watching HGTV ever ever ever again.

4. Today I'm doing my regular Saturday chores: laundry including bedsheets (I love sleeping on fresh bedsheets) grocery store and damn it, I'm going to sit my butt on the porch and read too!

Office Recap

1. Love that Jim and Pam came out about their relationship. Was that the first mean thing Toby's ever done--the memo thing?
2. Creed's being 29 was funny--the dye job hair was great.
3. We saw Phyllis' claws come out when she pretty much threatened Pam about giving new clients on a random basis.
4. Dwight trying to make peace with Angela by giving her a feral cat.
5. Ryan the Temp has turned into an asshole.
6. Kelly Kapoor---- ::::rolls eyes::::
7. The gift baskets were a stroke of genius! Too bad none of the clients were women--we suckers for gift baskets---full of money!
8. Ryan hitting on Pam was just creepy.
9.Dwight & Michael driving into the lake because "the machine told me to" was hysterical!
10. I want me some more Andy, 'cuse me "Drew", Bernard. I love when he sings a cappella.

Rock Hall of Fame

I don't know if rock needs a hall of fame--aren't rockers supposed to be anti-establishment, and besides music is a very personal thing either it speaks to you or it doesn't--but here are the most recent Rock Hall of Fame nominees:

Dave Clark Five (don't like them)
Ventures (who?)
Leonard Cohen (masterful)
Afrika Bambaata (evidently this is a person and not a group)
Beastie Boys (fall into the Dave Clark Five "don't like them" catagory)
Donna Summer (Yessssss! Love to love you, Baby!)
Chic (who?)
John Mellencamp (a genius, a nice guy, a Hoosier--need I say more?)
Madonna (the original Boy Toy)

Read a Banned Book this week!

Oh shit. I'm getting forgetful in my old age. We're smack dab in the middle of National Banned Books Week and I didn't give it a Shout Out.

Banned Books

This is the time to remember how stupid it it to ban or challenge books at the library or even in your own home. The Freedom to Read should be coveted by all.

BBW was started by the American Library Association and now encompasses other pro-reading organizations, including EmmaWrites, Inc and Emmerica (all rights reserved).

Next time you hear a Stupid Person say that they don't think Little Johnny or Little Brittney Cristina (or you or me for that matter) should not read a book because it contains any or all of the following: witchcraft, anti-religious characters, menstruation talk, masturbation chat, homosexual references, etc. --just do society a favor and bite them on the leg. While they're sitting in the ER getting rabies shots their children can be reading!

Squirrel Chat

I was getting in my car, going back to work after lunch. I look up and see a squirrel snatch an ear of corn from my neighbor's gourd, pumpkin, corn Halloween yard display and carry the whole freaking ear in his mouth across the street. Big pig.

The Cyborg & Me

When I was waiting in the doctor’s examination room the other day I heard a commotion outside. When all was quiet again I thought about that scene in The Terminator where Arnold plows through the police station in search of Sarah Connor and goes room by room looking for her.
In this little exam room there were two big thick windows. I lifted up the blinds and there weren’t locks. The windows weren’t even functional so the only way I could get outside would be to smash them and jump out. I looked around to see if there was something metal to use to break the window, but there was only the Blood Pressure cuff attached to the wall, a pc monitor, a box of Kleenex, a chair, and some other assorted doctor-type things. Would a pc monitor break a heavy window? My best plan would be to use the chair and ram one of its legs through the window and use the exam table paper sheets to knock out the remaining glass and then I’d be out. My exam room was at the end of the corridor but I wonder if I would have enough time to:
1. Hear a life threatening commotion inside the medical office itself
2. Acknowledge to myself that the indestructible Cyborg was in the medical office, wreaking havoc and looking in each of the exam rooms, and working down the hall towards my room.
3. Then hop off of the exam table.
4. Pick up the chair and ram it into the window several times, enough to smash it.
5. Use that same chair to climb on and hoist myself outside to freedom.

Maybe my best move would be to hope that Sarah Connor was in the exam room two doors down so that when the Cyborg located her, he’d either kill her on the spot, or carry her off to finish the job.

Saturday

1. No, Kath, you may not speak about CSI here, because if I recall, you like that awful CSI Miami and New York better than my Gil Grissom, so just hesh up.

2. Spidey and Tree, I loved The Office episode--I liked Andy Bernard's sensitive nipples, and that Michael barely finished the Fun Run. The opening sequence showing Michael's condo and Jan sprawled out on the bed was hilarious, "Jan made me breakfast--well, she bought the milk. It's soy." HAHA!

3. I guess I do have plans after all . My sister called last night and she and Mom want to meet LP and me for lunch and shopping.

4. The weather is absolutely gorgeous here.

Stuff

1. Spidey, I taped The Office and will watch it today. I had to see if CSI's Sara Sidle survived Natalie Davis, The Miniature Killer's, attempt to murder her by throwing her under a red car and leaving her bruised, battered and half lucid in the Las Vegas desert. With the likes of the sexy Gil Grissom, Catherine Willows, Warrick Brown, Nick Stokes, Greg Sanders, Lt. Jim Brass and the goofy lab guy Hodges all looking for her, there was little doubt in my mind that she'd survive. I did cheat and switch over to The Office on commercials and gathered that the EVIL DWIGHT SHRUTE caused harm to Angela's cat Sprinkles, and The Temp Ryan seems a little too big forhis britches now that he's the new Jan Levinson-Gould (no Gould now.)

2. Schell, liar! There are Capricorns of importance! Jesus was a Capricorn. Not to mention Richard Milhous Nixon and the loveable Sassytmbr from the Book Shelf! So you can just take back that little statement.

3. It's Friday.

4. I went to the doc's office yesterday. He wanted to see me before he gave me another blood pressure prescription. I told him about a two-month-long cough I had. He immediately said that it was a side effect of the brand of BP medicine, so he switched me to another kind--which made sense because that's how long I've been on the BP stuff. He said that the cough should clear up within a week. Praise the Lord and pass the gravy!

5. I have no plans for the upcoming weekend other than to help LP fill out work applications, and to clean my living room. I'll probably rearrange the furniture too.


Have a pleasant day.

They got my goat

Capricorn is symbolized by the goat. Your ruling planet is Saturn and your element is earth. Capricorns are often excellent in matters of business. You are extremely protective of your loved ones and belongings, but you have a tendency to overthink things and worry too much. You are very stubborn, especially when you think you know best, but with this come a great passion for all things. Your best romantic matches are Taurus, Scorpio, and Leo.

Attention Clanks

Your fav--Dolly Parton--will be on the Dancing with the Stars results show tonight. Do you get that TV show over there? If not, I'm sure it'll be on YouTube tomorrow.

I just got my eyyees dialated and I can't sees up close.
How AM I suppposed to woerk today?

I feel like Charley before the meedicaal experriments

Fun Book

I bought this book for my son. Since he's shown no interest in reading it, I picked it up on Saturday. What a terrific tome!

What naval flags mean

Seven wonders of the ancient world

How to tie knots

How to build a treehouse

The parts of English language

What ciphers and codes are

I'm enjoying reading it. Despite the title, everyone can learn from this cool book.

Choices

Inspired by a previous Tree post here are some questions:

1. You are on a remote island with the following people and had to choose two to sacrifice to the volcano gods so the rest could get rescued. Which two would you toast? (If you don’t know them—Google ‘em)

Ryan Seacrest
Regis Philbin
Kelsey Grammer
Wayne Newton
Ty Pennington


2. Describe your favorite pair of shoes.


3. Cost being the same, which would you rather have:

A complete wardrobe from your favorite high end fashion designer,
Your house redesigned and refurnished.
A new car of your choosing.
Six months off of work to do whatever you want.



4. If you had to do one, which would you choose? Living a year without:

Electricity
A car
A computer
Any kind of hair products (shampoo, combs, brushes, etc)


5. If you could wipe one of the following off the face of the earth which would it be:

Hunger
Alcohol
Illegal drugs
Obesity
Alzheimer’s disease



6. You have to live in one of the following for one year, which would you chose:

A planned community with people who are like you and your family, absolutely no diversity.
A tiny 300 square foot loft apartment.
The cold unfinished basement of a friend’s house.
A convent.



7. You were offered one million dollars to have sex with George Bush. Would you take it?

8. Name an appliance you love.

9. Which would you choose:

Tickets to the next Super Bowl game
Tickets to Game 7 of the World Series
Tickets to the Academy Awards
Lunch with your favorite singer (name the singer if you choose this one)


10. Which of these groups would you most like to have dinner with:

Mike Ditka, Pete Rose and Barry Bonds
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears
Reba MacIntire, George Strait and Boxcar Willie
Queen Elizabeth, Maggie Smith & Camilla Parker-Bowles

Real Quotes

I think I got a B in Econ 101. I got an A, however, in keeping taxes low.
GEORGE BUSH in a press conference September 20 morning

Me: And you kept the deficit high, and the body count higher




We sound like we don't want black people to vote for us.
JACK KEMP former Republican Congressman, criticizing his party's presidential candidates for skipping debates on minority issues

Me: Jack, unfortunately you're very perceptive. To paraphrase Kanye West "Republicans don't care about black people."





I'm probably one of the four or five best-known Americans in the world.
RUDY GIULIANI, U.S. presidential hopeful, on his international appeal


Me: Puhleeze, Rudy. What an ego.





The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.
VICENTE FOX, Mexico's former leader, describing President George W. Bush in his new memoir, Revolution of Hope, due out next month

Me: B-b-b-ut Vicente, he got a B in Econ 101!






That's going back in history. I don't remember the details of it.
FRED THOMPSON, Republican presidential hopeful, when asked about Terri Schiavo and the right-to-die debate her case stirred in 2005

Me: Fred, 2005 is "back in history"? I won't even bother asking you about Roe V. Wade, Civil Rights, or the Civil War for that matter.

Just Awaiting Autumn

Not too much to update about. As I type LP is on the couch with an achy throat. I gave him some decongestant and honey vanilla tea and told him to sit quietly, but he put on CNN.
I think it's allergies because the weather's affected me too.

I don't like the fact that it doesn't get lighter until later. Shorter days means colder weather and eventually, winter. Would someone please talk to Mother Nature about this?

Lately I've been reading the online posting about real estate and houses in my area (oh, shades of Sparky!) Most usually comes with pictures. If a person puts up his home for sale, and he know the realtor will be stopping by for pictures, don't you think he could take the time to pick up clothing and/or toys off the floor?

We all went out to dinner last night. Sometimes my teenager can be very pleasant. But he was talking about joining the military. Talk about wanting to shit a brick! I am going to get him some career books and see iof I can interest him in some other kind of work. I don't want my son joining the fucking military! ESPECIALLY in this day and age.


Maybe you can help me---he says he wants a job where he can travel--nationally as well as internationally. I suggested sales--commerce. I suggested working for a cruise ship. I suggested writing--writers can work anywhere---of course it would help to write a big fat juicy mega-hit your first time off, but that's doable. Do you have any suggestions? Come on now, help me keep him out of the military. I told him that's he'd need Plan B because with his history of heart surgery, they probably wouldn't take him (thank God!)

Patron Tequila & Wenis Penis

Girl's Night Out was fun, but I only stayed a few hours. The food was so-so, but I have a new love: Patron tequila.
I'm not much of a drinker but there was a margarita special: $7.50 for a margarita made with Patron tequila. My. Oh, my was it tasty.
I looked up this company. Here's the website. But don't click on it if you're woozy--there are a bunch of tequila bottles and they're all moving. But it's made with 100% agave tequila so that's what makes it special. Try it.
There were ten of us, and one brought her husband with her. He's a cop. But he's a fun cop so it was okay.
We played Wenis Penis. You name a guy--mostly guys at work, or you could do celebrities.
Say a name. Go around the table. If you'd fuck the guy you say "Penis." If he's unfuckable you'd say "Wenis."
I wouldn't do one guy at work, so it was all "wenis" to me.
Now, if I worked with a PTBunkum, or a Naggypoo, my answer would have changed.

Saturday

It got very cool overnight—down in the 40’s. It’s refreshing outside now and I turned off the air conditioning.

Today’s chores include the ever-present laundry and straightening up the kitchen.

I have to go to the grocery for:

1. Dawn dishwashing liquid. (I’ve tried them all and Dawn wins hands-down. It even cleans plastic food storage containers like Glad or Rubbermaid.)
2. Olive oil
3. Laundry detergent
4. Large trash bags
5. Milk
6. eggs
7. bread and English muffins

This evening is Girls Night Out. We started it a few months ago with only four of us, and tonight we’re expecting around 15. We’re going to this local Mexican place for margaritas and dinner. It should be fun!