Choices

Inspired by a previous Tree post here are some questions:

1. You are on a remote island with the following people and had to choose two to sacrifice to the volcano gods so the rest could get rescued. Which two would you toast? (If you don’t know them—Google ‘em)

Ryan Seacrest
Regis Philbin
Kelsey Grammer
Wayne Newton
Ty Pennington


2. Describe your favorite pair of shoes.


3. Cost being the same, which would you rather have:

A complete wardrobe from your favorite high end fashion designer,
Your house redesigned and refurnished.
A new car of your choosing.
Six months off of work to do whatever you want.



4. If you had to do one, which would you choose? Living a year without:

Electricity
A car
A computer
Any kind of hair products (shampoo, combs, brushes, etc)


5. If you could wipe one of the following off the face of the earth which would it be:

Hunger
Alcohol
Illegal drugs
Obesity
Alzheimer’s disease



6. You have to live in one of the following for one year, which would you chose:

A planned community with people who are like you and your family, absolutely no diversity.
A tiny 300 square foot loft apartment.
The cold unfinished basement of a friend’s house.
A convent.



7. You were offered one million dollars to have sex with George Bush. Would you take it?

8. Name an appliance you love.

9. Which would you choose:

Tickets to the next Super Bowl game
Tickets to Game 7 of the World Series
Tickets to the Academy Awards
Lunch with your favorite singer (name the singer if you choose this one)


10. Which of these groups would you most like to have dinner with:

Mike Ditka, Pete Rose and Barry Bonds
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears
Reba MacIntire, George Strait and Boxcar Willie
Queen Elizabeth, Maggie Smith & Camilla Parker-Bowles

Real Quotes

I think I got a B in Econ 101. I got an A, however, in keeping taxes low.
GEORGE BUSH in a press conference September 20 morning

Me: And you kept the deficit high, and the body count higher




We sound like we don't want black people to vote for us.
JACK KEMP former Republican Congressman, criticizing his party's presidential candidates for skipping debates on minority issues

Me: Jack, unfortunately you're very perceptive. To paraphrase Kanye West "Republicans don't care about black people."





I'm probably one of the four or five best-known Americans in the world.
RUDY GIULIANI, U.S. presidential hopeful, on his international appeal


Me: Puhleeze, Rudy. What an ego.





The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.
VICENTE FOX, Mexico's former leader, describing President George W. Bush in his new memoir, Revolution of Hope, due out next month

Me: B-b-b-ut Vicente, he got a B in Econ 101!






That's going back in history. I don't remember the details of it.
FRED THOMPSON, Republican presidential hopeful, when asked about Terri Schiavo and the right-to-die debate her case stirred in 2005

Me: Fred, 2005 is "back in history"? I won't even bother asking you about Roe V. Wade, Civil Rights, or the Civil War for that matter.

Just Awaiting Autumn

Not too much to update about. As I type LP is on the couch with an achy throat. I gave him some decongestant and honey vanilla tea and told him to sit quietly, but he put on CNN.
I think it's allergies because the weather's affected me too.

I don't like the fact that it doesn't get lighter until later. Shorter days means colder weather and eventually, winter. Would someone please talk to Mother Nature about this?

Lately I've been reading the online posting about real estate and houses in my area (oh, shades of Sparky!) Most usually comes with pictures. If a person puts up his home for sale, and he know the realtor will be stopping by for pictures, don't you think he could take the time to pick up clothing and/or toys off the floor?

We all went out to dinner last night. Sometimes my teenager can be very pleasant. But he was talking about joining the military. Talk about wanting to shit a brick! I am going to get him some career books and see iof I can interest him in some other kind of work. I don't want my son joining the fucking military! ESPECIALLY in this day and age.


Maybe you can help me---he says he wants a job where he can travel--nationally as well as internationally. I suggested sales--commerce. I suggested working for a cruise ship. I suggested writing--writers can work anywhere---of course it would help to write a big fat juicy mega-hit your first time off, but that's doable. Do you have any suggestions? Come on now, help me keep him out of the military. I told him that's he'd need Plan B because with his history of heart surgery, they probably wouldn't take him (thank God!)

Patron Tequila & Wenis Penis

Girl's Night Out was fun, but I only stayed a few hours. The food was so-so, but I have a new love: Patron tequila.
I'm not much of a drinker but there was a margarita special: $7.50 for a margarita made with Patron tequila. My. Oh, my was it tasty.
I looked up this company. Here's the website. But don't click on it if you're woozy--there are a bunch of tequila bottles and they're all moving. But it's made with 100% agave tequila so that's what makes it special. Try it.
There were ten of us, and one brought her husband with her. He's a cop. But he's a fun cop so it was okay.
We played Wenis Penis. You name a guy--mostly guys at work, or you could do celebrities.
Say a name. Go around the table. If you'd fuck the guy you say "Penis." If he's unfuckable you'd say "Wenis."
I wouldn't do one guy at work, so it was all "wenis" to me.
Now, if I worked with a PTBunkum, or a Naggypoo, my answer would have changed.

Saturday

It got very cool overnight—down in the 40’s. It’s refreshing outside now and I turned off the air conditioning.

Today’s chores include the ever-present laundry and straightening up the kitchen.

I have to go to the grocery for:

1. Dawn dishwashing liquid. (I’ve tried them all and Dawn wins hands-down. It even cleans plastic food storage containers like Glad or Rubbermaid.)
2. Olive oil
3. Laundry detergent
4. Large trash bags
5. Milk
6. eggs
7. bread and English muffins

This evening is Girls Night Out. We started it a few months ago with only four of us, and tonight we’re expecting around 15. We’re going to this local Mexican place for margaritas and dinner. It should be fun!

Gino Vannelli and Valerie

Old Gino














Young Gino



I saw an informercial ad for a CD collection of "Soft Rock." It featured the two Air Supply guys who I didn't like back when they were popular. Anyway, this collection included some Rod Stewart, Elton John, Chicago, Leo Sayer, Christopher Cross, Fleetwood Mac, and various One Hit Wonders. Probably had hundreds of songs on 13 CDs and cost just four (five) easy payments of $29.99 each.

It also featured a song by Gino Vannelli--who I haven't thought of in years. I lived in Clearwater Florida in the early 80's and my best friend was named Valerie. I think I've mentioned her in this blog before. She was the one who encouraged my first smoking of clove cigarettes. She was very funky and extremely cool and dated Arab men, and dressed in long flowy things and smelled of patchouli. Valerie adored Gino Vannelli and had posters of him in her Bohemian apartment.

I alsways used to tease her and say "If you married Gino Vannelli, you'd be Valerie Vannelli." It sounds lyrical.

Judging from the "old" Gino picture--he doesn't look half bad even today.

Bird Update

The Saved Bird
graced my yard last evening.
Still no Howdy-do.
But she did sing.
What a thing
to hear a bird sing.
If I had a parrot
I could hear it talk.
If I had a hawk.
I could hear it squawk.

Wednesday

Nothing much exciting to report. I think I'll stop on my way home from work today and buy Powerball tickets at the Village Pantry.

wireless mouses and 28 fucking lotto tickets

BP had the bright idea to hook up one of his computers to our flat screen TV in the living room. He also bought a wireless mouse and keyboard (We had to take the mouse back because the range was like, two feet.) Now he can sit in “his” chair—he calls it “his” chair even though I had that chair before we were married---and surf. I asked him to increase the text size because I couldn’t read that little assed text size from 6 feet away.

He’s in his glory. Now if I’d only let him smoke upstairs here, he’d never leave “his” chair.

I’ve tried it out a few times, but I prefer being on the computer here at my desk.

------------------------------
Here’s another thing:

On Sunday I stopped at a little store----It was a Village Pantry, but you probably have Seven 11, or a Milk Barn, or something like that. I went in to get a quart of milk. I was in line behind a raggedy older woman who was buying lottery scratch off tickets.

ROW: I’ll take three of number 2, one of number 7 and four of number 6. No wait. Four of number 2.

Clerk: Four Number 2, one number 7 and four number 6. Nine dollars.

ROW: Nine dollars?

Clerk: uh huh.

ROW: Here’s a ten. Don’t give me a dollar back . . . I’ll just take another of number 7. No. Number 6!

Clerk: Okay

(Me being exasperated)

ROW: Okay. Now I want 28 Hoosier Lottos, each on its’ own ticket.

Clerk: 28 Lottos each on an individual ticket?

Me: Oh, Good Grief!

I put down the milk and left.

I mean, Jesus Christ. There were two people behind me and this old raggedy woman wants 28 lottery tickets, each on its’ own ticket??? That’s fucking rude!

Emma: Bird Rescuer!

I wasn't even going to go out and work in the garden today because it's so freaking humid. Plus it rained about two inches yesterday. But I wanted to cut down some coneflowers and move some gay feathers and Shasta daisies. As I was finishing up I noticed some nearby rustling. I looked down at the Black Eyed Susans that had gone to seed and saw a female yellow goldfinch. Its' wing had gotten caught in the thorny seed and couldn't get away. After talking to it for a minute and asking if it needed my help (she did,) I went to get my camera and gardening gloves. I gently held it and disengaged its wing from the seed and branch, and it flew across the street and in my neighbor's tree with nary a "Thank You" or a "Howdy do."

The Dave Building

If reasonable people could put my name on a $21 million building, anything is possible."


Story

Lunch and Bashing

BP and I had lunch with his mother today. We took her to Chinese. She brought over these two ceramic churchy angels (each about 12 inches high) that she’d ordered from a catalog. They’re made to be hung on a wall. She said that didn’t look good in her house and she asked me if I wanted them. They were uglyass things but I was polite (I can be, at times) and declined. I said that I didn’t have an wall space plus I was into de-cluttering. She took them back home with her and said she’d give them to a gardening club friend. It’s the thought that counts.

During lunch we were ragging on BP’s “collection” of broken down vans (the one he has in the back driveway here has three flats, rusted out floorboards and barely is driveable) and other assorted vehicles. He has a blue Volkswagon Rabbit Diesel that’s been sitting in her yard (she lives in the country) for TWELVE years. The body’s good, but he wants to find another diesel engine and drop it in. She wants it out of her sight. Who can blame her? She said that occasionally guys drive by and stop and ask her if it’s for sale.

I told her “Tell him’yes’---sell it to him and keep whatever money he gives you as a storage charge for the past 12 years.” She said that the idea occurred to her, but she didn’t have the title. I asked BP if the title was here in the house somewhere. He said yes—so I told them that I’d make it my project to find it and sign it over to her so she could sell it.

Needless to say my husband was not pleased, but my M-I-L laughed. She told me that he also had a dump truck and an antique riding mower behind her barn too—she said that she’s sure that a family of groundhogs have taken up residence there in the dump truck’s cab.

Aside from the BP bashing, it was a nice lunch.

Hummingbird Lady

The two-doors down neighbor and her husband and I had a very nice chat yesterday evening. They credit me with bringing hummingbirds into our neighborhood. I showed them the plant that did it all: a mountain hyssop-type deal which I’ll post a picture of later. It’s not a spectacular plant at all, but the hummers love the small tubular flowers, and it blooms all summer long.
The lady said that she’d noticed hummers in my yard so her husband went out and bought 9 hummer feeders and put them in their backyard. They said they sit out there and see about a dozen birds fighting over feeders. Very cool.
I told her that I was planning on buying two more of the plants from the catalog and she asked for the catalog when I was finished.
Her husband is the guy who snowblows the whole block in the wintertime and won’t take any money, so I think I’ll buy her a few plants as a Thank you.
Please don’t post a comment “I see hundreds of hummingbirds in my yard.” Or “Hummingbirds are mean.” Or “One attacked me once, I hate them.” Hummingbirds are a pleasure and fun to watch around here so don’t piss on my parade. Besides they'll be gone in another few weeks.

Monday

Labor Day with not so much labor

Quiz

Who is your Movie Star Boyfriend?

Mine's Brad Pitt

A Man for blu or Respighi

''Here's a fascinating story: there's a man in Australia and he spent the last 15 years of his life typing — typing — the numbers 'one' to 'one million.' Fifteen years of his life typing the numbers 'one,' starting out with 'o-n-e,' fifteen years, 'one' to 'one million' — and, guess what, girls? He's single.''
--DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

Garden pictures

1. The frilly zinnias Schell likes--only they're just about spent

2. Regular zinnias that are just butterfly magnets. everytime I walk by ten-fifteen buterflies fly up and away

3. This is just ONE single sunflower--with about twenty different flowerheads!

4. Another angle of same sunflower

Happy Mid Week

I'm tired of looking at the handsome Jonathan Rhys Meyers so I'm posting a new entry.
Nothing new or exciting, let me assure you. I wrote Spidey an email loaded with lots of nasty words insisting that she post to her blog. She is disrupting my morning routine of reading her blog.

Off to work in awhile but I might stop at Panera Bread for a coffee and one of their Asiago CHeeses bagels, sliced and well-toasted. I like my toast well-toasted--none of this lightly- toasted crappola. I WANT BROWN. MAYBE EVEN CHARRED.

Side note to blu and Tree: More fucking tears from Amber--even on Power of 10. haha--she defended Michael Vick when Drew Carey made a joke. She doesn't even know! Dumbass. "I don't know what 'scrutinized' is." Dumbass

Eric's a weasle. Jameka need to live atop a mountain so she can pray and contemplate her naval and/or navel and/or oranges. Jessica and Eric in bed made me vomit a little.

Match Point

This man is beautiful.

I just watched Woody Allen's Match Point starring Scarlett Johannson and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. This man is beautiful---I couldn't take my eyes off of his lips. The movie was very good and you should rent it.

Despite being a pig in his real life, I love the way Woody Allen directs movies. The shots are incredible. He wrote and directed this one and it's set in London. The main theme is how luck plays into life.

Muggy Saturday

I've got four of the six "Things to Do This Weekend" things done already!

1. Clean back porch
2. Clean the bathtub
3. Clean the toilet
4. Clean bathroom and kitchen sinks
5. Go to Target for plastic tubs and cat food
6. Laundry

2, 3, 4, 5 DONE

I'm doing laundry right now and the back porch later or on Sunday.

Since I'm going to win the Powerball jackpot ($300 million) tonight, instead of Spidey. I'm going to give her a consolation prize. I'll send her and BigJoe on a two-week dream vacation anywhere in the world--all expenses and travel money included. (I'm sure they'll pick Indiana to visit since I'm here!)

Where in the world would you go and where would you want to stay? No fair saying a non-specific "Beach", or "Europe," or "Hawaii." Be specific, include a link if you'd like.

And no, Schell--you can't say "Naggypoo's bedroom"!!