Monday it was pouring here. You can see the rain in these pictures. I was on the front porch and took some pictures. Late June, early July is a good time for the garden because things are in full bloom. A few days ago my monarda opened up (shut up Bert) It's not the red-red- type, but it's almost fucshia.

the Fourth

Larry David and Ouija Boards

Today is Larry David’s 59 birthday. Happy birthday you enthusiastic bastard! I love you and your hybrid-driving self.

I think it was Urban who asked a few posts ago how LP was doing. He’s doing great thanks. On Wednesday we have a follow up appointment with his surgeon.
He’s also in summer 2 session because he blew off most of his freshman year in high school. He goes from 7 to noon everyday until the end of the month. I told him it’s time to pay the piper.

Yesterday he asked me about Ouija boards and if they predicted the future. He told me his friend David said that according to the Ouija board, he (David) was going to die when he was 48—of a gunshot wound to the head. So, needless to say, we discussed Ouija boards and the whole fortune telling crappola. I told him that basically only Dr. Kevorkian’s patients, and Dead Men Walking know when they’re going to die. I’m glad he asked me about it.

BP's away on business. I left him a voice mail message telling him I wanted sex.

Check this out

I was just reading about blu’s Amsterdam plans and she commented that if she patronized a hash bar there and had a job to go back to, she might be drug tested. I have never had a job where I had to be drug tested, but BP does. It’s all random. Is this standard operating procedure?
In my company they’ve been running background checks on new employees to see if they’ve raped, murdered, robbed, etc anyone. They even run credit checks for godsakes! Thank God I’m kind of grandfathered in. It costs $35 to do these background check and they aren’t even thorough. I think some company somewhere must be making oodles of dough checking up on people. Oh, I think it’s necessary to a degree, but I still think it’s Orwellian.
What about other kinds of checks? Off the top of my head I can think of three employees (not in my department) who drink to excess and come back from every lunch smelling like Sam Adams. Another one has beaten the shit out of his wife. Another one (it’s a big place) has a favorite place he likes to disappear for hours and catch up on his zzzzzz’s. Do people actually go to work to work?

Chelsea Handler

This is Chelsea Handler. She is the most unfunny "Funny person" on television today. Why does this woman have a Comedy Central TV show? She's obnoxious. She's boring. She's not funny.

The Devil Wears Prada

The Good News:

1. Meryl Streep needs to be nominated for her role as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. She steals every scene as the Bitch-from-Hell Boss. She speaks softly but would just as soon slit your throat rather than look at you. Exxxxxcellent. I love Meryl.

2. Stanley Tucci. What role hasn’t this guy excelled in? He’s such fun to watch.

3. Emily Blunt. WTF is Emily Blunt? I don’t know, but she was great as Miranda’s put-upon assistant. When she and Anne Hathaway share the scene, you look at her, not the star.

The Bad News:

1. Who cast Anne Hathaway as heroine Andrea Sachs? Do you believe she’s the “ugly duckling”? Do we believe her when Miranda calls her fat and ungainly? Not just no, but hell no. The whole cast was believable but her. It’s not her fault---she just shouldn’t have been cast in the first place.


This movie was both fun and funny but it had a predicable ending. Still, I’d give it an A-

 

Pajama Gnomes

Orbie made my day!!! She sent me PJs with these BEAUTIFUL GNOMES on them! Orbie, you are wonderful, thank you so much! LP was in the kitchen with me when I opened the package. He said, "What the hell? You ordered THOSE? You've gone too far!" hahahaha he's always saying I have too many gnomes (is there such a thing?)

All over the PJs are gnomes in various states of travel....with a poodle . . in a gondola . . . with a camera . . . in a cab . . . by a bull in Spain. They are beautiful. Orbie: Thank you thank you thank you.

 

 

Harper Lee

1. Harper Lee wrote an article for Oprah's magazine describing how she became a reader.

Story

2. LP starts Summer School today. Don't ask me why they start on a Thursday, but they do. He's less than thrilled about getting up early.

3. We had hail yesterday. It was tiny pea-sized. When I told a group of people that it was pea-sized hail, one smartass asks, "Petite, baby peas or those big generic Aldi peas?"

4. At lunch we were bitching about the Human Resources director . . about how anti-human he is. Look up the word "asshole" in the dictionary--there he is!
One of my sisters told me she once had a HR director who had countless shoplifting arrests, but still stood up in company meetings and preached integrity, morals and ethics. She said a friend of hers went up to him after such a speech, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Among all the speakers today, you STOLE the show!" LOL. She said he got her meaning.

Hello Dear Reader

I'm trying a new template.

Put on your shades

I don't know why my blog went white yesterday. Maybe I posted too many pictures, or took up too much space. Shrug.
Anyway I'm wearing a new shirt today. I look like a Hawaiian tourist.

The Doors

Remember the game Crimson Room? If that one drove you nuts, here’s another one to try. I finally had to email some chick for the solution. Click on the link then scroll down to the bottom, and click on The Doors.

The Doors

 

 

 

 

 

Damn I take purdy pictures

 

Monday

Good article about Rainn Wilson who plays The Office’s Assistant (to the) Regional manager Dwight K. Schrute in this week’s Entertainment Weekly. He’s as quirky in real life as he is in his roles. His wife, Holiday Reinhorn, is a writer. Here is her book.

Nesta was lost yesterday. LP looked for her. I looked for her. We finally found her in my bedroom (which is off limits to the cat) curled up in my closet sleeping on my holiday wrapping paper plastic tub. She’s a certified cat—she sleeps most of the day these days.

Yesterday I watched a good special on CMT on Johnny Cash. What a man.

Meal plan

One of my sisters is an RN. For health reasons her doctor put her on this Meal Plan (instead of "diet") In solidarity (and because my favorite pants are too tight) I went on it too and actually it's a pretty easy plan to follow. I think the key is eating every two or three hours so you won't feel deprived. She's been on it about five weeks and has lost 12 pounds. She said the first eight days were easy---the second & third weeks were the hardest. We'll see.




Breakfast

1 skim milk product
1 ounce of protein
3 grain products
1 fat


Snack

2 oz protein
1 skim milk product


Lunch

3 ounce of protein
1 skim milk product
1 fruit
2 vegetables
2 grain products


Snack

½ serving of nuts
1 grain product


Evening Meal

2 ounce protein
2 vegetables
1 fruit
1 grain product
1 fat


Snack

1 fruit


My sister's comments:

Other tips—you cannot eat after 7:30 at night (reasoning: the body only burns 60 calories each hour (after 7:00pm))—so any calorie on top of that—will go directly into fat cells. Not eating after 7:30 at night will ensure a weight loss of five pounds each month.

Check the calorie count on things—I eat apples because a nice size apple is only 60 calories versus a small banana at 120 calories. Grapes are great because a cup is only 90 calories plus grapes will raise your blood sugar slowly—which avoids the yo-yo’ing of craving something sweet “chocolate” then something salty. I eat grapes as an afternoon snack or my evening snack.

I eat every two to three hours at 8AM, 10AM, 12PM, 2PM, 5PM and 7:30 PM. Your body needs fuel to burn fat—if you starve yourself—the body holds onto every bit of energy source—usually the pockets of sugar in fat cells—so eat every 2 to 3 hours and your body will begin burning extra unwanted calories through metabolism.

You must avoid any sodas—tea and coffee is okay, but no sugar or cream—and water (at least 64 ounces a day).


My comment:

I saw this "Miracle Tea" recipe in a magazine. I don't know if it's a miracle, but it's damned good:


Brew three green tea bags and ten whole cloves in four cups of water and let steep for four-five minutes. Fish out the bags and the cloves then add 1/4 teaspoon of both cinnamon and cardamom. You should drink the four cups throughout the day.

Storms and BB

Man, we had an hellicious storm yesterday afternoon. We all gathered at the windows at work and watched the black clouds roll in from the west. The winds were bad—straight-line, in fact.
I called LP at home and told him to get Nesta and go to the basement. He told me that BP had already called him and said the same thing. I don’t know whether or not he went—sometimes he gets so macho about stuff like that.
Anyway, the storm and winds only lasted about an hour and moved on out of the area. Trees and limbs down but no other big damage.
I’m glad it’s Friday. But unlike blu, who should be in the DR this weekend, and Schell who will enjoy being with JJ (and Keith—heehee), I have nothing fun planned besides mowing the lawn. :::rolls eyes:::
For you Big Brother fans, go to www.CBS.com and vote for the "all stars." I am voting for HOWIE, KAYSAR, JANELLE and NICKOMIS, I could give two shits about the early BB people. All the sudden Latina crazyass IVETTE has denounced The Friendship Alliance. Too little too early, Bitch.

My sister Connie brought this impatiens plant to us when LP was in the hospital. It loves in on the shady side of the porch 

This may look like a mess in this picture, but it's catmint, yellow yarrow and red columbine. All together they look great in real life. 

nasturtium. I have vivid orange ones and red ones, but this one bloomed first. You can eat both the flower and the leaf.

Meerkat Nesta

In honor of Meerkat Manor, LP tries to teach Nesta to stand on her hind legs.

Meme, notice the child's newest kicks.

The injustice of it all.

A few days ago a drug bust in town netted over 85 pounds of homegrown marijuana. They had a picture of a pot plant in the paper. It's such a beautiful plant, I'd like to grow it in my garden, but I'd get arrested. Isn't that silly? You'd think they'd arrest people for possession of a pot plant only if they were growing it to smoke and/or sell, not if they wanted to beautify a garden space.

It kind of looks like lupine foilage.

Orbie

I just caught up with Orbie and her blog entries. Whew! She sure does a lot for everyone. She’s a treasure in her community. I aint. Aside from family members, I don’t do anything for anybody else unless I feel like it. Sometimes I just say “no” and don’t give a reason even when the person just stands there and gawks and is probably thinking “what a bitch.”
Orbie’s way kinder than I am, and must like people. Sometimes I just think people suck.
PS: Orb, your Maddie is a gorgeous chick!

Happy Father's Day

To all Dads both here and gone.

This followed me home Mom, can I keep it?

 

Thank yew

Today LP and I are going to my nephew and niece’s birthday party cookout. He’s two and she’s four. For E. Claire we bought an array of Hello Kitty things. She’s also into Strawberry Shortcake. How long as Strawberry Shortcake been around? I remember her from when my sister was young!
For Rossie it’s bath stuff (I know….he’ll love it) and a firetruck. This kid is the happiest, most content, child I’ve ever been around. I think he’s the 15th incarnation of the Dali Lama. Nothing upsets him (except ear infections.) He’s just a very pleasant kid. We’re also giving their older brother (who is eight) ten bucks so he won’t feel left out. I know there is some controversy about bringing something to all the kids in the family when one has a birthday, but oh well.


Yesterday I was on the porch potting up some white wave petunias and some other type of tall spikey thing with tiny white flowers (the tag just said “tropical flower”.) I was hot, sweaty and dirty. These three preteens in dresses come up the walkway. I see them out of the corner of my eye. “Oh, shit,” I thought.
Girls: We’re from the Temple Baptist Church. Do you want a tract?
(holding out a paper)
Me: No thanks. (looking back down at my pots)
Girls: We’re in your neighborhood today to invite you to one of our services.
Me: Thanks, but no. (pleasantly, believe it or not) I’m busy right now.

Two of the girls seemed to take the hint, but one said, “If you die tonight will you go to our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ?”

Me: Sorry, but my beliefs are no one’s business but my own.

I did my best Det. Brenda Johnson of The Closer voice and said “Thank yewww.”

I wanted to ask them each for a lock of hair for a special Wiccan ceremony that was taking place at midnight, but I thought better of it.

I detest proselytizers of any religion

delicious

Bond No 9 "Peace"
My sister bought me some of this stuff at Sak's
Two words:

De Licious

Last Night's Weird Dream

I was working in a bookstore. It was closing time—9pm and people would not leave. I was getting pissed. “It’s 9 pm, I’ve worked all day and I want to go home!”
Customers kept dilly-dally. It was 10pm when I finally got the doors closed. I was walking home when out of the blue a most-gorgeous, tall and dark-haired man and his beautifully dressed mother (?!!), walked by and offered to buy me a drink. We ducked into a nearby bar, ordered drinks and started talking. He said he and his mother belonged to this church and he wanted me to join. I said, “Hell, no! I don’t want to join your church!”
The mother whacked out and started babbling in some ancient type language (I think I offended her.) The man was trying to calm her down and at the same time turned to me and said, “Well then do you just want to fuck?”
Cheers!

For Lubee

Lubee wanted to see a picture of me. Lulu, here we are: Me, BP and Liam dressed in drag. This was snapped before we left for church. Enjoy!

 

Contest

Create a caption 

Orange lily. Picasa2 is fun. Thanks Tree!


 

Annoying and Cloying

Entertainment Weekly did an online survey and wanted people to name the most annoying/useless television character. Some named real people: Kathy Lee Gifford for her non stop yakking about precious Cody and her stud husband Frank, Tammy Faye Bakker, Donald Trump. But most named fictional characters: Alf, Steve Urkel, etc.

I nominate Ralph Malph from Happy Days, the neighbor from Home Improvement who was only seen from his eyes up, Fantasy Island’s Tattoo, Love Boat’s Vicki Stubing, and Punky Brewster. All annoying, cloying and useless.

Neccos and Gene Wilder

I was eating Neccos as we watched The Producers (I'd rate it a C+--Will Ferrell as Franz Liebkind stole his every scene) on DVD last night. My favorite colors from BEST to WORST are:

Brown
Orange
Green
Yellow
Purple
White
Pink
Black

Today is Gene Wilder's 73rd Birthday. Happy Birthday to Gene! He's one of the best comedic actors alive.

This is the time of year when the graduation announcements come in droves. Friends, relatives, friends of friends, co-workers’ children, etc. etc. etc. For most, I just send a graduation card. Why should I dole out money to a co-worker’s kid who I’ve met once when the kid was nine? All of a sudden the kid is 18 and a high school graduate and I’m supposed to buy him a gift or send him money.
My husband’s niece just graduated high school. She lives in Atlanta and she sent us an announcement. Or, to be more precise, her mother sent us an announcement. The kid is pleasant enough, is going to a bible college in the fall, but since I married BP almost seven years ago, I’ve seen her once. I bought a cute card at Target and enclosed an “atta girl!” sentiment along with a check for twenty-five dollars. I thought it was adequate, but BP (WHOSE SIGNATURE ON THE CARD I HAD TO FORGE BY THE WAY) said, “You should have sent $50.” FIFTY!!?? wtf? For high school? I thought $25 was generous for a high school gift. True or false?

V is for Vicodin

Since LP’s surgery my days are all mixed up. Everyday seems either like a Saturday or a Sunday. Today we have an appointment with his general practioner—just to keep him updated. I’m taking all of LP’s prescriptions and see if we can ditch some. Since he’s pooping regularly (I’ll pause here so you can applaud!) I don’t think he needs the stool softener anymore.
His doctor at Riley said that if he can manage his pain, that I should wean him off the Vicodin and just give him ibuprofen. I’ve been doing that. Liam has been saying that all food tastes “funny” and it “pisses me off!” Sigh. But yesterday he didn’t have any Vicodin and the chow tasted better, so I wonder if that’s a side effect of the V. Anyone know?
He’s also taking a diuretic and a pill that retains potassium because the diuretic makes it go bye-bye in his system. He’ll probably still have to take both of them until next month when we see his surgeon again.
He really has made a remarkable recovery. How do I know this? Because he’s tired of being at home, wants to get out and walk around the mall and is back to playing the stupid idiotic X Box game that he likes. I have a summer reading list for him, so I’m sure he’ll loooooove it when we start on that!
I’m thinking about allowing him to accompany blu on her trip to Greece. I’m sure they’ll both cherish that trip!
I saw Respighi made a mean comment on my cat picture—but I’m glad to see her. I haven’t seen evidence of her existence for a long while.

What's in bloom

I think these are called lollipop lillies--or something like that. I should have marked them. Anyway they're nice.

cat on a catalog

Here is the cutest kitty in the world making herself comfortable on my living room coffee table, sitting on a plant catalog. She got a brand new "safe cat" pink collar with a pink bell. She's stylin'.

My favorite 1987 era female detective

I just finished Sue Grafton’s S is for Silence. As you know Grafton’s alphabet books feature insurance detective Kinsey Milhone. I really wish Bert still read these blogs because I’d like his take on this installment. I loved it. It was one of Grafton’s better ones. Most of Kinsey’s adventures are enjoyable (except the M or P one—I forget now. But one of those really stank)

The main character in S isn’t Kinsey, it’s a dead woman named Violet Sullivan. She wondered off in 1953, and her emotionally blotto daughter Daisy hires Kinsey to see what happened to her. The book alternates between 1953 and Kinsey’s present day of 1987.

What else did I like about S? No mention of Kinsey’s hack job-of-a-haircut. No mention of her all purpose black dress. Grafton does, however, again (and again) remind us that Kinsey loves a quarter pounder with cheese more than life itself.

This Kinsey Milhone case gets an A-

Little Puddin

Thanks for all of you who asked/emailed about LP. His surgery was on Tuesday and he came through like a trooper. During his hospital stay he gave his nurses a hard time questioning everything they did--and removing his catheter was not a pleasant time.
He was released today at noon and he and BP just went to the video store. He’s on five meds and we revisit his surgeon next month.
He can’t overexert himself this summer and can’t lift more than a gallon of milk. So lawn mowing is out for the rest of the season.
He’s not eating a lot yet, and we’re still waiting for him to poop. I’ll keep you updated on that scenario.

Hotter than hell

It's hotter than hell. 84 degrees and a heat index of 96. Heavy humidity. And what was I doing? Planting Shasta daisies. My daisies burned out last year, and they're such happy flowers I wanted to plant some more. Plus every garden should have some white flowers.
Here is a picture of the soil I was amending for said daisies.
The red poppy is my pride and joy. I have never have luck with poppies but I love them.
The poppy head that looks like a hairy ballsac (maybe Basil's?) is destined to be an orange poppy. I think it's called Prince William.
The picture of that pink flower is a Mystery Flower. I remember planting some bulbs last fall among the purple coneflowers that are taking over part of the garden, but I can't remember the name of them. I almost never plant the name stake alongside the plant or bulb because I invariably say, "I'll remember what that is!" Yeah, right.