Unidentified noises

I hate unidentified house noises. Last night I heard noises coming from the basement. It would stop, then start. It’s hard to sleep with something like that going on. BP’s on a road trip and won’t be home until tomorrow but I called him at 1am anyway and told him that I heard a noise from the basement.

BP: what kind of noise?
Me: I don’t know. Kind of like a tap.
BP: Like when that bird got in last summer?
Me: No.
BP: Well, it’s not a person. If someone was trying to get in through the basement window, there’s so much stuff in front of that small window you would have heard a crash.
Me: I suppose so.
BP: Is Liam asleep.
Me: Yes, I checked on him.
BP: I leave my computers running because of the Seti thing. Maybe it’s coming from the computer. Go down in the basement and check.
Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?? Me . . go down in the basement? At 1am??
BP: (laughs) Did you look outside? Maybe it’s coming from outside.
Me: Yes, I looked thru the blinds. Everything’s normal out there.
BP: Maybe it’s the hot water heater kicking on.
Me: No, I know that sound.
BP: Maybe it’s the cat, getting revenge for being put on the porch.
Me: No, I checked on her too.
BP: Is it a constant noise?
Me: No, it stops and starts. A tapping.
BP: I wonder if it’s that Jehovah’s Witness I walled up alive down there.
Me: (in my Maude voice) God’ll get you for that, Walter.
BP: I’m out of ideas. Try to sleep between the noises.
Me: You are no help.
BP: Puddin, I’m in Nebraska. I can’t go downstairs and investigate. I’m be home Sunday and I’ll figure it out then.

So I have to wait until tomorrow so he can look down in the basement for the noise

PS: Blogger made me switch to the "New" Blogger, which sucks.

Sweet Tired Cat

To cheer up Mems!

Stephen Colbert, George W Bush's Words

Overheard at Books-a-MIllion

Two clerks talking:
"I hate books, and reading bores me, I can't get into it. I'm just working here until a job at Aeropostale opens up."

A Stephen Colbert Fan!

Dave Letterman Wins A Bet

haha

Compliments

It's National Compliment Day!

Do these pants make my butt look big?

Thanks Teri!

Teri (of F and Teri fame) sent me this "where are they now?" story about Joe Sambito! He's done pretty well for himself. He has a good life and time hasn't ravaged his looks too badly :)
Thanks Teri!
I don't think Teri will mind me telling you that she and Fred are celebrating ten years together, nine married after meeting in our beloved BookShelf. One of the Shelf's success stories.

Joe Update

Joe Sambito

At one point in time (in the early 80's) I enjoyed major league baseball. I liked listening to slurry-voiced Harry Carey.
My favorite player was left-handed relief pitcher for the Houston Astros, Joe Sambito. Very good looking. When I lived in Florida, I'd heard that he had a home on Long Boat Key or Sarasota or somewhere like that--I forget now. Once, a girlfriend and I drove around trying to find the place just to gawk. I don't even know what would have happened had we spotted him. See? I was a stalker before stalking wasn't cool.
I don't know what he looks like now, or what he's doing.

I'm one not much for football

"Our" Indianapolis Colts are going to the Super Bowl. Good for them, but I don't understand rabid sports fans. How does it better their lives if a team they like wins? It's like they have a personal investment in it. Oh well, Peyton Manning seems like a good sort of fellow. Not unlike another footballer long time ago who seemed handsome and nice until he sliced his ex wife's neck to the point of almost decapitating her, and killed a guy who was just doing a good deed for her. I hope better things for Peyton's family.
Friday it was "wear Colts blue at work." I didn't. Call me odd but I didn't want a huge horse shoe in the middle of my chest.
Our dumbass governor put this gigantic blow up Colts footballer up on the lawn of the Governor's mansion. Talk about looking like Trailer Trash. I'll post a picture if I can find one online.
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UPDATE: The appraiser came yesterday, was an hour and ten minutes late, stayed for three minutes and snapped six pictures, and left. Not two hours later LP threw a pair of his dirty socks on the living room floor. I picked them up by the non dirty part and put them in his bed, not on his bed, in it.

NOTE: This post is pictured in nearly "Colts Blue."

Snow, Victory Garden, Orchids

I wanted to take LP out to breakfast this morning but if he wants to go, he’ll have to shovel some snow. I woke up to two inches on the ground, and it’s still coming down. It’s very pretty though. I like a fresh snow, but when it gets grimy and dirty and slushy from car exhaust that’s a different matter.

The appraiser guy didn’t call me back, so I don’t know if he’ll show up today or not.

To date I’ve received about 15 garden and seed catalogs. I looked through them last night, dog-earring pages as I went. If I ordered everything I wanted, I’d need a place the size of the Biltmore Estates.

Yesterday at lunch I watched Victory Garden. I loved when ole bearded, scruffy-looking Roger Swain hosted it. That now have this fey, younger guy who doesn’t know squat! WTF is that all about. He planted a miniature greenhouse full of different ferns and it looked like shit.

Anyway Erica Glasener was a guest correspondent. She used to have a kick ass garden show on HGTV where she’d visit normal people’s gardens and discuss plants with them. I loved that show. On yesterday’s Victory Garden she visited an orchid specialist and they showed the basics about growing orchids. It reminded me of Sparky and it put me off of my egg sandwich so I didn’t even finished lunch. (no offense Sparks)

That’s all

Refinancing

I hate mortgage companies and banks.
We're refinancing because I want to consolidate our debt and renovate the house (I blame Schell and Verb for this.)
We've been back and forth and back and forth on what the mortgage company needs. We think we've given them everything they need, but no . . .they want a copy of our marriage license, they want an additional month of bank statements yada yada yada.
Today the appraisor called and said the mortgage company wants pictures of the interior of our house and can we set up a time?
Ok, but do they want a picture of a clean and tidy house or the "lived in look." If it's the former that means I have to tidy up today. Shit fire and save matches.

"I don't want people to suck up to me because they think I can advance their career; I want people to suck up to me because they really like me."

Words of wisdom

Mostly for Tree, the Monkey Geek

Meredith at the Golden Globes

I'm Appalled (Again)

There's a new Target commercial that bastardizes the beloved Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye" song but clever Ad Men that they are, when "Goodbye" is sung they flash the word "Goodbuy" on the screen. GIT IT??? . . . Good bye . . . goodbuy? sigh.

And what makes it even worse is that the tune is sung "buy" a chick who sounds like she's drug-addled and Stepford Wifeish.

I bet the ad agency Big Boys sat around a huge conference table simultaneously high-fiving and jacking each other off in a congratulatory flourish after that ad was approved by the Powers That Be.

Golden Globes

The Golden Globes award show last night was boring with a capital B. Meryl Streep was fantastic as usual--no wonder industry people love her. She told us all to go to our theater managers and "politely" inquire as to why our small theaters don't show these first rate-but-in-limited-release movies (ie. Volver, Pan's Labrinyth, etc.) when she pulled out her speech, someone in the audience must have groaned because she said, "Oh, shut up. It isn't that long." She put on her glasses and looked around the theater, "Yes. I've worked with everyone here." haha..
Hugh Laurie was funny as usual.
Alec Baldwin was mildly amusing.
And I always love seeing Dustin Hoffman.
But that was about it. No hilarious Steve Carell speech.
Warren Beatty went on WAY too long. He must not allow Annette Bening to drink at home because she was sure as hell enjoying that champagne all night.
I don't watch "Ugly Betty" so I could give a shit about that show winning.
I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy" so I could not care less about McDreamy McSteamy or McDumbass.
Reese Witherspoon looked good in the yellow dress but someone should have given her a mirror to smooth her hair before going on stage.
Tiny Fey looked good for being Tina Fey. That dress looked very Barbie circa 1950.
Jennifer Hudson looked good, but she sounded as dumb as a rock.
Poor Prince, he won one of the early awards but was "stuck in traffice" so he wasn't there to accept. Too bad, so sad.


Okay, so I watched the red carpet stuff too. And may I just say one thing? I've said it before and it's my pet peeve.
You're an actor/actress of some stature (You're working, for crissakes) so ACT like you want to be there. Don't ACT like it's a chore to stop and talk to Joan Rivers, or Ryan Seacrest (blech) or Guilana DePandi. I'm talking about YOU Angelina Jolie. She was so fucking glum, it was disgusting. She looked guilty about being there with Brad--like Jennifer Aniston was going to jump out of the bushes and smackdown on her ass. You were with Brad Pitt, Dumbass. You could smile, enjoy the moment, instead of looking like you were planning your next trip to the Congo to adopt a kid. That kind of attitude frosts me. Brad, on the other hand, was very charming to people. He needs to ditch that big-lipped, tattooed, nutso, blood-drinking, broad.

Renee Zellweger. Oy vey. She's another one. What happened to her? Is she on drugs or was her girdle too tight? Her face was set it that "Ewww.....did someone just fart" way. Renee, loosen up and get off the cocaine, or meth, or whatever you're on. She's so Melania Trump, but Melania Trump has an excuse for looking pitiful--she's married to the Combover Man.

Jennifer Lopez was nice to the interviewers, but I was hoping she and Ben Affleck would pass one another on the way in, and Jennifer Garner could Alias-kick her on her cellulited ass.

The little girl from Little Miss Sunshine was cute. Seacrest asked her a question she didn't want to answer so she brought up her purse and said, "Look at this!" and the front of the purse opened to reveal a mirror . . . such a ten year old (or however old she is) thing to do. It was very cute.

Vanessa Williams was so un-PC! She was wearing a fur stole! Where were those PETA people with their bucket of blood?

MLK, Jr Day, Teenagers, Potato Soup and Abortions

Happy Day Off. I told LP last night that it's ironic that kids don't have to go to school today, because King was so very pro-education. He knew that education was the only way out of poverty and he urged children to get as much education as possible. So what happens on MLK, Jr. Day? No school for kids. The way of the world.

If there was ever a national holiday for me, I want it to be in May or June, when the weather is good and people can get their fat asses outside and do something nice. You can't go on a picnic on January 15th. (Shaddup Bert and Lubee--out there in warm weather States)

Anyway, I made a wonderful leek, carrot and potato soup yesterday and I'll have leftovers for lunch today. I'll feed some to LP if he's home from running around with his friends. BP will be home tonight, and he'll get something special.


"What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. Theyignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions.Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" This is attributed to either Socrates or Plato and I don't care which one, if either, said it. It was true when and it's true now. Blech.


I read today that two Indiana legislators are introducing a bill that before an abortion is performed, the doctor would have to counsel the woman that "life begins at conception" and "the fetus feels pain." South Dakota already has a law like this? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Lawmakers: Keep your nose out of our collective vagina! I sent a YouTube clip of Wanda Sykes to Tree. Wanda says the no one is "pro-abortion, they're Pro-Choice." Women don't get together and say, Gurrrl, let's do something crazy today! Let's go have abortions! You in?

What this winter's been so far

Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

I'm getting a feeling for how it would be like living in the Pacific Northwest

My yard is saturated and I haven't even made it out to the birdfeeders to put fresh sunflower seeds in. What's the use? It'll get all wet and caked together anyway.

Ice is on the way! Blech. I saw some pictures of ice-covered automobiles in Oklahoma. It looks bad. And dangerous. Apparently Oklahoma has for-shit weather: Either it's dry and dusty, rainy and tornadoey, or sleet and icy. My sister and B-I-L used to live in Stillwater and she said I'm right on target.

I'm going to try and go to the grocery store before this afternoon. I need bread and kosher salt. What a combo.

I'm glad I don't have to work tomorrow.

Oh, I sent an email to Ed Begley telling him I enjoyed his new show (Living with Ed, in case you didn't read my post about it) and to be careful up on the roof. He emailed me back with:

"Thank you so much!

You made my day.

And, I promise I’ll be careful up there!

Ed"

It's on tonight at 10, and his guest star will be Jay Leno. I used to like Leno, now I detest him, but I'll still watch Ed.

Little Miss Sunshine

Tree reviewed this movie when it was out in theaters. I just watched it this afternoon, and I loved it. The casting was perfect. I've loved Toni Collete ever since Muriel's Wedding and she's so good in this. Alan Arkin. What can I say about him? He's absolutely fantastic in everything he does. (I loved his rant about having chicken for dinner, and his advice to his grandson "fuck as many women as you can. Not just one woman, but many women. I'm telling you fuck as many women as you can!") I thought Steve Carell would bomb playing this dark, suicidal character. I wondered if he could pull it off . . if I'd see Michael Scott in his performance. But he's a very versatile performer and very good in this. The kids who played Olive and her brother were terrifica as well. Greg Kinnear was right on target too.
I noticed the guy who plays obnoxious Hodges on CSI played a sympathetic part as the pageant musical director. Little Miss Sunshine gets an A.

An Evangelical to watch . . . become the next scandal

This is Stephan (sic) Munsey. I was flipping TV channels and landed on some Christian broadcasting on the Lesea Network. This yahoo is so very strange looking--much different from this photo. He has a dramatic combover, very puffy and blotchy face and eyebrows that looked as if they were lifted by a bad cosmetic surgeon. Anyway, he was preaching on the "Harvest Show." He wants people to call in and pledge 77 dollars a month for ten months. Supposedly great things will happen to you if you do his bidding. He isn't even a captive speaker like some evangelicals. He used poor grammar, with long pauses between words. Every five minutes or so, he'd cock his head and listen. Then he'd say that he was speaking to a specific someone "out there," but he didn't know to who(m). But God was telling him, to tell us, that if we'd call and pledge (even though Satan may want to hold us back) $77 a month for ten months that we would A) be healed, or B) know financial gain, or C) find the mate we longed for. wtf?
I looked him up on Google and his church is in upstate Indiana in a small town called Munster and from this picture he evidentally used to have a fundraiser and requested people pledge FORTY-NINE dollars a month for ten months.
Anyway, he's a scandal waiting to happen. Trust me on this. Why do evangelical Christians (some are probably intelligent functioning adults) fall for people like this yahoo? He was like a train wreck. I wanted to look away, but couldn't.