Britney meets history

I was watching E!'s The Soup with Joel McHale last night. In case you don't know-- it's a show where they show stupid and/or absurb clips of other "real" shows, then make fun of them and the celebrities on them.
Some of Joel's recurring targets to make fun of: Tara Banks (Tara is always about Tara), Oprah and her vajayjay, Barbara Walters and the View, Donald Trump, Pat O'Brien and his Access Hollywood (or whatever entertainment show he hosts,) etc.
He was reporting on the reporting of Britney's mental breakdown and being rushed to the hospital the other day. An entertainment reporter by the name of Jim Moret (as an aside--he's the son of actor James "Moondoggy" Darren) was reporting on Britney leaving the hospital.

Moret: To dodge reporters Britney left Cedar Sinai via an underground tunnel.

Cut to McHale: Ah, Britney--the Harriet Tubman of the bi polar lip syncers.


SNORT! Writer's strike or not---that was funny!

Words of Wisdom

From my quote of the day calendar:

--Three things have helped me successfully go through the ordeals of life: an understanding husband, a good analyst, and millions of dollars.--Mary Tyler Moore

--Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now, that's a real treat.--Joanne Woodward

--A finished person is a boring person.--Anna Quindlen

--Women are always being tested . . .but ultimately, each of us has to define who we are individually and then do the very best job we can to grow into that.--Hillary Clinton

--Love thy neighbor--and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easer.--Mae West

Item:

After twelve years of dependable nuking, my microwave blew up. It went out in a blaze of glory. Literally. A blaze.

My New Love

Nabisco Gingersnaps with REAL ginger and REAL molasses are wonderful! So spicy and gingery!! 4 cookies are only 120 calories with only a little fat.

GET SOME!

Three days ago the high was 7 degrees . . today it reached 64.
It's January.

Vern Yip, Here's a Tip

Have any of you watched Vern Yip's Deserving Design? I like Vern, but his bedroom designs are SOOOOOOOOO impractical!

Of the two bedrooms he's done, one had about twelve glass orbs suspended over the bed with little tea lights in them. When lit they're pretty, but HOW do you light twelve tealights (get up on a ladder?) and WHY would you put twelve tealights on the ceiling when there are so many soft lighting options that would be better.

The other bedroom had a headboard where he incorporated the same type of evil tealights into wrought iron. This bed even had a cloth CANOPY. WTF, Vern? One of the tealights could go awry and FVOOOOMPH! . . .there goes the canopy up in flames.

I wanted to crack the Tealight Headboard Recipient lady in the head! She and her family lost "everything" in Katrina. When Vern did THE REVEAL she and her daughters jumped up and SCREAMED and HOWLED like stuck pigs, then she collapsed on the floor, then the bed then started bawling--mascara running down her face. GOOD LORD and pass the potatoes...Reign it in, Girls!!!
Anyway, Vern you are as cute as a bug with your lip gloss an' all...but, please no more tealights!!

My New House

Hello Dear Reader,

I thought you like to see my new house. Well, it technically won't become mine until mid March when I win it from HGTV.com.

It's in the Florida Keys, on the water. The only trouble is it'll be part of a small community of six other homes, when the building is complete.

One thing about HGTV really pissed me off: This is the 12th Dream Home giveaway. All the others have been hosted by Joan Steffend of Decorating Cents. This year they ditched Joan and hired a twit named Monica Pederson (of Designed to Sell) whose teeth count rivals Giada DeLaurentiis. This broad is younger and sexier than Joan so I figure that why the boot was given to my girl Joanie.

Anyway, I'll still take the house when I win it, but I'll give the HGTV execs a piece of my mind about this matter.

I'll host a Shelf Meet in the Spring when I win. Well, maybe not a Shelf meet---but a Emmawrites Blog Reader Meet--gotta keep out the riffraff.

How am I supposed to go to work when it's been frigid cold most of the week? Not fit for man or beast or Emma.

It's supposed to be 50 degrees and raining this weekend. Oy.

We evicted the deadbeat tenants. Of course they left the house in a mess (who takes down smoke detectors??) We go to small claims court at the end of the month. They owe us close to $2000 so far. It'll climb when we do some repairs they caused.

Meme, we have a vacant house if you and the boys want to be Hoosiers.

My computer has a new hard drive.

Happy 2008 to all.
We went over to my friend's house about 9 and stayed until 11, came home, watched the ball drop and was in bed by 12:05.
We played a game called Left, Right, Center--it's a quarter game involving three dice, each one having an L R C or a dot. Depending on what you throw you have to give a quarter to the person on your Left or Right. If the die shows a dot then you get to keep it. It you throw a C for center a quarter goes into the bowl in the middle of the table. The last person with
at least one quarter wins the pot. I won one of the pots--it was fun--especially when the party's hostess started rubbing the dice on her nipples to bring her luck. Snort--she was a little drunk.
We got about 2 inches of snow overnight so as soon as LP gets up and shovels a path I have to go to the grocery store.

Sticks and Stones

Easiest candy you'll ever make:

2 packages Butterscotch morsels

1 can La Choy chow mein noodles

1 cup of cashews, rough chop

Melt the butterscotch either in a glass bowl over a pan of simmering water or in the microwave. Take off the heat and stir in the noodles and chopped cashews until well mixed. Drop spoonfuls onto waxed paper or Reynolds No Stick Wrap and let cool. You can also refrigerate them.

They are terrific! I call them Sticks & Stones

Inspired by Tree's List

Favorite Books in 2007

**Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows by JK Rowling. A satisfying wrap up to the best series about a wizard and Muggles ever written

**The Wild Trees by Richard Preston. About the secret lives of California Redwoods and those who climb and live among them.

I’ve read a lot this year—just nothing else stellar, but I’m sure I’ll think of other good ones.


Best Television

**30 Rock. Tina Fey is a comic genius as is whoever cast the show. If you're not watching this, you're a gay looser!

**The Office. The only thing that disappointed this season was that because of the writer’s strike it was so short. They need to make one more season—any more and I’m afraid it will Jump the Shark.

**Colbert Report. Steven is obnoxiously funny, whereas O’Reilly and those he parodies are just plain obnoxious.


Television Messes

**Big Brother. This show just gravitated mean and stupid people. None were humorous—just mean and stupid

**A show I won’t watch anymore: CSI because I loved and will miss Jorja Fox, sorry Gil Grissom, I’ll miss you.

**Whenever Dubya shows his smarmy, smirky face

Notes:

**If I ever read “S/he’s in rehab” it will be too soon.

**In 2008 I hope I’ll never have to read/hear about: Britney, Britney’s sister, Lindsay, Paris, Dannielynn, Anna’s decomposing corpse, Racheal Ray

For Clanky & Catz, my recipe or sugar cream pie:
1. Go to Marsh grocery store.
2. Buy a sugar cream pie.


I love to cook, but hate to bake so I usually buy my desserts.


Today two friends took me out to lunch and fought over who would buy my lunch. Haha.
Then BP & LP and I went to a discount store and bought a recliner/rocker/game chair/thingy for LP's bedroom.

I made chicken and new potatoes for dinner.

Yesterday we went to St Elmo's Steakhouse in downtown Indianapolis for my birthday dinner.
I had good wine, their famous shrimp cocktail, filet mignon and bread pudding for dessert. It was very expensive but a very nice dinner and we had a good time. My sister who went with us told us that she's been there several times and she's seen Mario Andretti and some NFL coach in there.

Oh, they make their own shrimp sauce with freshly ground real horseradish and man, oh man that stuff was POTENT and cleared out my sinuses. When I took the first bite it was like the hot stuff went directlythrough my gray matter and ended at the very top of my skull! Whewy!

I also bought myself a B-Day present: My own plaque to put up in my backyard, certifying it as an official Backyard Wildlife Habitat. I will take a picture of it this spring when I put it up and there is something in bloom.

We had a really nice Christmas. About 2:00 we drove to my sister Jane's house and hung out, opened presents and ate around 6pm. She's a wonderful cook and put on quite a spread: turkey, ham, dressing, green beans, mashed potatoes, yams, cranberry stuff (ick) homemade yeast rolls, and her famous homemade noodles (it's an Indiana thing). For dessert I brought pecan pie, sugar cream pie, tiramisu and ice cream.

After dinner and clean up we played cards--poker, and a game called "Pass the Shit"-- and we were home by 11.

Today I got up and went to Panera Bread for coffee then out shopping for a few things: batteries, scissors and Thank You cards. I also had to buy these adorable Christmas cards that were half price. I'll put them away for next year but will probably forget where I put them.

Then I hung out and watched Dreamgirls for the first time--I bought myself a present of the DVD for $10. I'm glad Eddie Murphy didn't win an Oscar for his protrayal of Jimmy Thunder Early, cause he wasn't that great. Every time he said something he sounded like his Donkey from Shrek voice.

Jennifer Hudson was quite good though. Overall, I thought the movie was too long and rated about a C. The songs' lyrics were really bad--sounded like an amateur wrote them.

But there were cameos by John Lithgow and John Krasinski from The Office. Oh, and Jamie Foxx did a good job--as did the guy who played CC--Effie White's songwriting brother.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm going out for a great dinner with BP, LP and one of my sisters.

A few weeks ago, Linda, one of the women I usually have lunch with, told the group that she lost one of her diamond tennis bracelets. She wears three bracelets on her wrist, and while out Christmas shopping she must have lost one. She listed five or six shops where it may have fallen off. She was heartbroken because it was not only expensive, but it also had sentimental value.



Flash Forward:

Yesterday I was sitting in the living room reading the newspaper and i went back to the Classifieds and the FREE column (lots of cats, a half breed puppy, and a piano this time). I glanced down at the Lost & Found column and there it was: A BRACELET FOUND IN THE VAC OF KOHL'S. CALL & DESCRIBE.
I called Linda and left a message on her machine that she ought to call this number_______,and describe her tennis bracelet. It was a longshot, but hey.

That afternoon she called and was thrilled--it was, in fact, her tennis bracelet!
So, I did my good deed for the day.

It's weird, because very seldom do I read the classifieds, Free Items column or Lost & Found. It must have been Synchronicity, Serendipity, Fate, or one of those things.

Saturday before Christmas Stuff

Yesterday we had my employees Christmas lunch. We had fun--I took them to a restaurant that they chose (expensive) and then we went home around 2.

After he got his hair cut (the cutter girl was a real "slimmee" --not slimy . . . slimmee-- and wanted him, don't you know) LP and I went out Christmas shopping. Well, he mostly shopped and I stayed in the car. I was forbidden to go into Bed Bath & Beyond with him.

We're wrapping present today. I told him that I'd help him wrap everyone's and he could wrap the presents he got me and BP.

Yesterday late afternoon it started to mist rain and after that it got foggy as hell. Rudolph's nose would have to be at full wattage to get through that pea soup.

Phil Donahue's 72nd birthday was yesterday and I forgot to mention it. I love Phil Donahue and miss seeing him on tv. So, Happy Belated Phil, you old Liberal Fart!

I'm taking the rest of the year off--don't have to go back until January 2. Who's happy about that? Who? Who? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

One of the secretaries came into my office today explaining that she was asking people to donate money because this woman who works in the cafeteria had her gas shut off and she needed $700 to get it turned back on.
A few people around here (me included) know for a fact that she received over $6000 in back child support in October. So did she pay her utilities and other bills then? No, she bought cigarettes and Jack Daniels and a flat screen TV and went on a trip to the Bahamas.
Now her two kids had to leave the home and go and live with an aunt who has heat in her house.
I did not contribute to this fundraiser. The secretary fell for a false hard luck sap story and talked other people into contributing.
I just hope the money raised goes directly to the gas company and not to the woman herself to blow on smokes.

Dan Fogelberg: 1951-2007

When I was in school, I played it so much that I wore out two copies of his Souvenirs album:
That picture of him, with his long hair, sitting on a rocking chair was just a quiet kind of sexy.
Loved his music.
Loved his voice.
Dan Fogelberg died yesterday.
Thanks Dan.

Same Old Lang Syne

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly but the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another 'auld lang syne'
The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out and I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned in to rain...

Sunday Morning

1. We got a lot of snow yesterday. It's supposed to stop around noon but we're getting 40MPH winds until 3 so that won't be good. LP's going to have to shovel, shovel, shovel.

2. Spidey** you little imp. I received your Christmas card yesterday and I felt all the little shineys you put in the envelope before I opened it, so they didn't go all over the floor! ;)

3. Last night I made this kick ass chicken recipe I saw that Food TV guy--Guy Fieri--make.
RECIPE. I used chicken breasts instead of thighs, and just regular red and yellow peppers instead of the kind he used. It was really really good. Lots of flavor.

4. On today's agenda: clearing off the snow, reading T is for Trespass, cleaning my kitchen and that's about it.

Miss Steak

Eye wannted two chek on the weeather and the sturm koming so I tiped en weather.com but I akskidentleee tiped in weeather.com.
Did you no ther wuz a weeather.com websight?