Dead to Me

I’m stealing Stephen Colbert’s DEAD TO ME idea. On The Colbert Report (if you haven’t yet seen this show, you’re stupid and worthless because it’s one of the best shows on television) he keeps a list of Things/People who are Dead to him (shades of Nixon’s Enemies List!)

Dead to me:

Grammy Awards. They try to be hip, but aren’t.

Razors. I’m growing armpit hair long enough to double as a shawl.

The United States Supreme Court. It might be a court, but it’s not supreme.

February. What good is this month? It’s Black History Month, sure. We celebrate President’s Day in it, but will I get a Happy President of Emmerica day Hallmark card? Probably not. It’s a good-for-nothing month.

Coworkers who go to Hawaii for vacation and bring back turtles made of little seashells as gifts. I don’t want a turtle made of tiny seashells, sporting wire glasses, and a wee straw hat sitting on my computer tower.

People who schedule meetings but expect someone else to set the agenda. I don’t even want to meet with you much less set the damn agenda.

People who use bath towels as car seat covers.

Squirrrels. ‘Nuff said.