Evan and staffer Hodge Patel 

What a world

Yesterday around noon it literally rained buckets and buckets. It was so dark it looked like 12 midnight instead of 12 noon.

London’s Heathrow (and Gatwick too, I assume) looks like a zoo. “YAY” to the Brits who foiled that plan. My sister has been over there for a week now on business—she’ll stay another week. She was there last year when those bombs went off in the buses, and no one could contact her for a few days. But then we all got to thinking, “No way in hell would Lynn ride public transportation, so we assumed she was safe.” And she was. Well, this go ‘round she emailed us immediately to let us know the story.

I read online yesterday that now we can’t take any liquids on flight, including toothpaste, mouthwash, water, etc. And if mothers take baby formula they’ll have to take a drink of it first in front of airport security before they’ll allow it on board. What a world.

Hump Day

It’s too damned early.

LP starts school a week from today.

My cosmos are finlly blooming. I have pure white ones and deep red ones. There's supposed to be pink and some other variations in the mix. We'll see.


I had a dream last night and I smelled onions. Do you ever smell while you’re sleeping? Ha

BB All Stars Update:
Good News: Janelle got Power of Veto. I thought it was funny.
Bad News The Iraqi Peach is on the block. Bye Kaysar.
I have to agree with Will . . . Howie is weird.
One day in solitary wouldn’t be so bad. Quit crying, Danielle.

Thoughts on Nancy Grace: Can anyone whose nostrils flare so much really be that indignant about injustice?

LP and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest yesterday. I hated it. Oh, Johnny Depp was good. But it was too dark, too watery, and too dirty. The “people” on The Flying Dutchman were absolutely gross. I hated Davy Jones aka Octopussy. And everyone had bad teeth except for Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly. Blech. I liked the first one much more.

My black eyed Susans seem to love the heat.


 

This is the last of my gladiolas. 

Chicken Little

"Chicken Little"
Coming to a theater near you.
Produced by: ExShelfer & Urt Umber 

"Have a perfectly awful bloody day!"

Here’s a pre-caffeine story from Friday. On my way to work I stopped by this local coffee joint for a cup of joe to go. It’s an anti-Starbucks and I love it. It’s in a tiny building, but they still have a drive up. Picture this I you will: You have to round the tiny building to pull up to the window. The building is only a little over one car length, so I was waiting at the building’s edge for a red van to finish with his order. Soon, a bigass gray Ford truck (you know-- the kind with the huge wheels that must be compensating for the owner’s lack of something) comes up behind me --next in line after me. He can’t see the drive-up window. Pretty soon he’s honking his horn. I ignore him and continue to listen to Bob & Tom on the radio. Then I see him going to back up and go around me, or through the grass area to get back out on the street. At this point in time I don’t know what the fuck he’s so upset about.
The red van is still waiting (these coffee people are either slow today, or Red Van has ordered a double mocha latte with extra whipped cream and a dab of cinnamon) So I see the guy get out of his truck and come to my window.

He screams, “MOVE UP, SISTER! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???”
I said, “There’s a red van there at the window!”
He said, “Oh, I didn’t see it.”
I said, “I’m not your sister and I DID SEE IT. That’s why I’m HERE. Patiently waiting my turn.”
He said (mockingly—I guess he was pissed that I dare return his tone of voice)
“THEN HAVE A NICE DAY!”
I said, “I hope you have a perfectly awful BLOODY day.”

I still can’t understand why the hell he could think someone, on a work day, would just sit in a coffee line and not move. Is that a way some people get their jollies?


---Anyway, Gas was $3.13 when I filled up today.

Yesterday evening BP used his metal lathe to make a part for the windshield wiper for his truck and was very pleased with himself.

Boring Weather, LP and Sauce chat

1. It finally rained yesterday and it was heavenly.
I sat out on the porch and looked at it.
Now the temperature is about 25 degrees cooler than it has been for the last week and a half.

2. LP starts his sophomore year in 12 days. :(
Teenagers are no fun--he doesn't even want to go shopping for brand spankin' new school supplies.
He hasn't yet started driver's training. He shows no interest in it.

3. I made a kickass homemade spaghetti sauce last night. And homemade garlic bread (good loaf of French bread, combine: two cloves of garlic, smashed together with salt to make a paste, 3tablespoons of soft butter, a teaspoon of olive oil--slice the loaf lengthwise and smear the butter mixture on the bread and wrap it in aluminum foil and bake in a 350 oven for about 15-20 minutes. Yum. I put dried oregano on half of the bread)

simple sauce:

1 pound ground sirloin
1 medium onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 can petite diced tomatoes (your own garden tomatoes would be wonderful)
2 small cans plain tomato sauce ( I like Red Gold)
1 cup of combination chopped fresh flat leaf parsley and basil leaves
salt/pepper

Brown and drain the beef --set aside
Put a few tablespoons olive oil in a pan and saute the onions and garlic, salt and pepper until translucent.
Add back the beef.
Add the tomato sauce and diced tomatoes
Stir and simmer for about thirty minutes
5 minutes before serving add in the herbs and stir everything together


I served it with linguine pasta

A commercial I hate

Geico has a new ad that features a middle-aged woman sitting on a piano with music icon Burt Bacharach. She’s telling a story about getting hit by a car driver who had Geico insurance. He’s singing and repeating her words. He looks Joe Cockerish, retarded (no offense), and all bent up. It’s bad. With the royalty checks he’s raking in, surely he doesn’t need the money. It’s sad. Geico: Stick with the free-pie-and-chips gecko.

Stuff I'm Excited Abouot

Season 5 Curb Your Enthusiasm is on DVD!

A new Christopher Guest movie, For Your Consideration, is in production. About acting awards season with his usual cast of zanies: Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Parker Posey, Fred Willard, even John Krasinki from The Office! Yay! Nothing better than a Christopher Guest film. Is he the only writer/director doing comedies for adults??

If I lived in New York:
I’d love to see the Martin Short Fame Becomes Me musical comedy set to debut anytime now. I adore his Jiminy Glick persona.
The tag line is: If you liked The Miracle Worker, you’ll love Martin Short Fame Becomes Me! Haha Here’s a link: Marty

BB All Stars

Enough about Mel. On to more important matters: Big Brother All Stars. Did Janelle just make the dumbest move in BB history? Ayep. She's trusting Dr. Will. uh oh. Big Mistake. We're not see enough of the Iraqi Peach. I want me some Kaysar!

Mel

Yes he's an anti-semite and a sexist pig for his "sugartits" insult but look at Mel's booking photo. Isn't it pathetic? A glassy-eyed drunk. He's in rehab now. He might get his drinking addiction under control, but how about his hatred of Jews? WWJD?

Burnt orange woven purse

Purse from my sister 

Tasty treat

It's ungodly hot/humid out today, so I wanted to share a tasty tidbit. This stuff is wonderful. It's fat free and only has 120 calories per 1/2 cup. It's less caloric than frozen yogurt! It tastes like real mangoes which is a plus.  

Oy

For our anniversary Friday night BP and I went to a nice restaurant. LP went out to eat with a few of his friends then went over to Eric’s house.

After dinner BP and I were driving to this ciggie place to get smokes for BP. We went driving down a one-way street and about two blocks ahead we saw a moped with two kids on it coming towards is. On a one-way street mind you. I was driving and said, “What the hey!!??” As we came closer the two kids on the wobbly moped were none other than my own precious LP and Eric hanging onto the back!. I saw LP mouth the words, “OH SHIT! IT’S MY MOM!”

I hate mopeds. In this town moped drivers/riders are supposed to wear helmets. Neither LP or Eric had one on. I honked the horn indicating to him to pull over, but he cut down a side street. I knew they were going home to Eric’s house, so I drove over there and sure as the world—there they were. I took him home with us and he kept staying “Wha?? I don’t understand why you guys are so mad!”

What about: 1. You’re not supposed to even be on a moped, 2. You didn’t have a helmet on, 3. You were driving down a one-way street the wrong way, and 4. You didn’t stop when I honked and indicated for you to stop.

Oy. Oy. Oy.

Anyway---
So yesterday while BP was working on his truck, LP and I met my Lexus sister, my mom, and my eldest sister and her 13 year-old daughter Erica for lunch. Afterwards we drop off Mom at Lexus’ and then the rest of us went shopping. Erica got some very cute tops for school. Her school has a dress code that the shirts have to be collared, no belly shirts, no denim--just khaki or navy pants. Within those constraints we bought her some cute tops.
Lexus bought me a few dress pants and then let me go shopping in her closet for some shirts! Some of these things still had the tags on them. So I came home with about six blouses suitable for work. She also gave me another purse. It’s a big woven burnt orange bag she’d gotten at Harrod’s last year. (pic to come later) When I got it home it even had a ten pence coin in it. Woohoo

July 28

Today is our 7th anniversary.
I'm going to work.
BP is still sleeping. He took today off to work on his truck.
The honeymoon is over?
I'm hoping for a 'versary boink sometime today.

Written by Pete Doherty's GalPal

There's a little concrete gnome sat in next door's garden,
He hasn't got a fishing rod he's got a little hard on,
Pulling open his little coat,
Flashing all his bits,
Wishing he had a little friend with a pair of concrete tits.

---

A gnome poem written by our own Meme. Thanks Toots! :)

Spidey's a sick, sick woman

Garden Gnome Turd
This is what greeted me after a long hard day at work. Miss SpideyBunny sent me a Gnome Garden Turd in the mail! For me! Don't you wish you had a friend like Spidey?
Thank you Spidey--you're so sweet. I love my poop!!! :)

Air-conditioning

Our air-conditioner broken down last night. It’s hot in here.
Now on to more important things:

Loved Marcellas calling Kaysar “The Iraqi Peach” haha
Loved that George looked like the blueberry chick in Willie Wonka.
George’s Veto speech was sweet.

On the other hand:

The evil Dr. Will should be ashamed of himself for his “I hate you all” speech. If it’s part of his gameplay, it sucks. Why in heavens name is everyone so scared of him? He’s a loser and they should grant his wish and send him packing. If anyone else made that speech they’d be voted out immediately, but people must be thinking they want him in the Final Two. That’s not going to happen. Some milquetoast like Blah Erica will probably win.

And Jase. Holy moly—people who “call out” other players—whether on BB or Survivor—are just stupid with a Capital S.

Would you shave your head to stay in the game? I would. What’s the big deal? It’s just hair. Kaysar still looked way hot.

Kinda like the way I feel . . . without air-conditioning.

Big mistake

Big mistake. LP and I (just on occasion) have been taking Nesta out on the porch to sit when we go out. So far she’s never gotten off the bench and she likes sniffing around out there.
But recently she’s been going to the front door to meow and whine. She never ever meows any other time—just when she wants outside on the porch.
BP warned both of us not to get started taking her outside, but we wouldn’t listen. Now we have to listen to the cat meowing at the door. We also have to listen to BP’s “I told you so”s.
Earlier I had her outside with me and she got down in her kitty crouch stance (Crouching Tiger Hidden Nesta) when she saw a robin in the fountain. I thought there was going to be carnage.

Political post

Thank God blu is out of the country, because she once said she liked me better when I was not political (or was that Urban?)
Anyway, this article pisses me off

Political Dissent

What's more American than protesting the administration or the Powers That Be?
Hello Boston Tea Party? Hello Civil Rights protests?

9/11 gave this kind of stuff validity. It gave Conservatives a legit cause to arrest anyone who was anti-war and/or anti-Bush. It's got to stop. And, yes, I'd be against it if the protesters were Republicans demonstrating against a Democratic Administration.

These current protesters ended up not being charged which makes it all the more disgusting--they get carted away, booked, stripped search . . .when the cops KNOW they are not "threats" to national security.

More plants

Aren't those white lilies amazing? Upclose they're almost fake looking. This butterfly was on my butterfly bush for about twenty minutes total. She'd fly around to other plants, but always return to this one.

Physical Evidence

The headless stalk of my Beloved Sunflower.

Sunflower, I hardly knew ye.
RIP, Sunflower, RIP. My only consolation now is that now you will be composted and somewhere down the line nourish another generation of sunflowers.
I hope the heartless Menace who did this to you gets constipation for a month. 

Murdered sunflower head, face down on the lawn. 

It was a dark and stormy blog entry

It’s a dark day. Inside and out. It sucks. Yesterday LP and I had one of those Mom-Son arguments. Loud. To top it off yesterday a neighborhood kid with a baseball bat came by and hit the head off of my sunflower. It’s still lying in my lawn. That was so mean. I’m not picking it up either. It can stay there until it rots for all I care. I feel like tying a sign around the bare stalk proclaiming, “Some asshole whacked off my head.” Motherfucker.

For Miss Spideybitch

Readers, my gnomes . . . . gnomes, meet my readers
They're ready for their close-up.

I gathered up my Target gnomes from their places in the house and around the yard for a pictorial. They're standing on the $80 marked-down-to $19.99 red chair on the porch.

Kaysar lost his balls

Why on earth did Kaysar wimp out and put up Nakomis and Diane? Last season he took on “Cappy” and chopped the head off the inane Friendship Alliance. Now he’s totally playing scared by not nominating Will and Mike “Boogie” (the person with the stupidest nickname.) I adore Nakomis and will be sad to see her go.
Jedi Howie lost points with me by calling Nakomis “ugly.” Not cool for a Jedi, Howie.
I kind of like Chicken George. He’s the token old guy, therefore an underdog big time.
Next time Erika’s in a bikini, watch her breasts. They fascinate me. They’re so fake…they just hang there.
Next week Season Six people will go up on the block if they don’t get HOH. And Kaysar will get angry, being backstabbed by the dumbass Chilltown.
I hope Kaysar finds his balls before it’s too late.

Squeezing a gland

Spidey, gnomes photos forthcoming.

It's dark and dreary today.

I'm taking Wed, Thurs and Friday off and so it will probably rain. Tomorrow LP and I have eye appointments. That will be a highlight.

My friend Marcia's doggy, Molly, had surgery yesterday. They removed a bigass tumor from her. It was wrapped around a kidney. the vet said he'd never seen a tumor that big and he wanted to send it to Purdue's School of Veternary (sp) for analysis. It's iffy for Molly. She's about 14 years old and the sweetest dog. She hadn't complained at all...they found it while squeezing a gland. BLECH. On that happy note, I'll take my leave. adios.

Gnomes on sale

Yesterday it was around 95 degrees with 100% humidity so I got the bright idea of transplanting a rose bush. Bad idea.

This rose bush was being crowded out by the freaking coneflowers so it was move it or lose it, and I took pity on the thing. So with a baseball cap on my head and a wet kitchen towel on my neck I cleared the new spot, dug a nice big hole, filled it with some fertilized soil and made room for the rose. Then I took a 15 minute break in the air conditioning with a huge bottle of iced water.

Then I dug up this two year old rose bush. It gave me some trouble. Finally got it up and move to its new spot. I cut back all the old canes and some of the foliage. I watered and watered and watered it. Mulched it and watered some more. After all that work and sweat, I hope it makes it.

Oh, and guess what! I went to my favorite discount department store Target (Hi, Biddy, you old hag) and found a cool ultra contemporary red plasticy and chrome chair that was originally $80! I couldn’t imagine anyone paying $80 for this chair, which is probably why they were marked down to $19.99. I bought one and put it on my front porch to replace a yucky old white plastic chair.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, they had the GNOMES on sale! Remember the gnomes I bought in April or May? The cute ones? Anyway I bought TWO more because they were only $4.98 each. I couldn’t believe it.

Herbs

Dill that's gone to seed. I don't know where it came from (I think it's from the plant I yanked up last summer.) But it's growing in a weird place..in the front yard by the steps. So I'm thinking that when the seeds are ripe, I'll pull up the plant and shake the seeds in a spot where nothing else will grow. I'm sure dill will be perfectly happy there. It's a weed actually, so it should grow just about anywhere.

I don't like to use dill in cooking. The feathery fronds go well with seafood, but I just don't particularly care for the flavor. But I love the look of the plant. When it sets seed it reminds me of fireworks.

Sage is another herb that, to me, smells like camphor and I don't use in cooking, but it's easy to grow and looks good in the garden if it doesn't get too woody.


In case you're wondering here are my absolutely favorite herbs to cook with and grow:

BASIL. Good God it's wonderful. The smell alone sends me to heaven. I like it in eggs, marinara sauce, casseroles and my Thai basil beef is to die for. Basil is a must.

ROSEMARY. mmmm. Soups, eggs, grilled lamb, beef. Anything is better with rosemary on it.

PARSLEY. Underused by everyone except me. Italian flat leaf parsley is good in every dish under the sun. I love to add it to biscuits even.

THYME. Good in everything.

PEPPERMINT. Got to add it to my iced tea in the summer. Yum.

Lots more of course, but these are MUST HAVES.

This is first sunflower from the bird feeder to open. I took this picture at 9:30 last night, isn't is beautiful? 

I give this movie a D for dull and disastrous

I wonder how a group of talented actors all make the mistake and end up in a sucky movie. I watched The Family Stone last night and it was bloody awful. I know Sarah Jessica Parker was just coming off of SITC and probably wanted to play a character far removed from fashionista Carrie, but seriously. Her character Meredith was dull, humorless, and worst of all, wore colorless blah gray wool suits.
The story tried to be one of those fish-out-of-water (Meredith) stories. (Everett) Dermot Mulroney brings his girlfriend Meredith home for Christmas to meet his wacky, liberal, close knit family. We know they’re liberal and ‘with it” because one of the sons is deaf, gay and in love with a black man. Another son (Luke Wilson) openly smokes pot in the house with the Dad played by the wonderful Craig T. Nelson. Mom Sybil, played by the illuminous Diane Keaton, is sick with cancer and has only a few months to live but refuses to tell the kids until after Christmas. They all hate Meredith. She wonders why. Duh.

SPOILER ALERT

Everett ends up falling for her sister played by Claire Danes. The audience sees that coming from a mile away—the way Everett’s eyes light up when he sees her getting off the bus.
Luke Wilson's Ben ends up falling for Meredith, who he said “Has a Freak Flag but is not flying it.”

The thing that pissed me off most about this movie is this: Meredith wants to fit in and so makes two giant pans of Strata (an egg casserole thing) for Christmas morning breakfast. After the BIG BLOW UP scene with all the family, she storms off into the kitchen and takes the two pans out of the refrigerator—oh no, not one at a time and places them on the kitchen island counter RIGHT BEHIND HER—she stacks them on top of one another and then Sybil and the Angry Daughter played by Rachel McAdams both go through the kitchen door and plow right into Meredith thereby spilling the Strata all over her and the kitchen floor. Various other family members fall and slide into it INSURING THAT HILARITY ENSUES. It. Does. Not. You just keep wondering “when is this pile of wasted mess over?”

Saving grace: When Sybil defends her gay, deaf son at the dinner table and tells him that he’s “more ‘normal’ than any of the other assholes sitting around this table.” It was a sweet scene.

Diane Keaton. Sarah Jessica Parker. Dermot. Craig T. I suppose I will forgive you.

The Giver

Last week LP read Lois Lowry’s The Giver, loved it, and insisted that I read it. I’m glad I did. It’s labeled a Young Adult book but I think it’s terrific for adults. If you haven’t read it, it’s about a futuristic society which at first glance is wonderful: No pain, no hunger, no rudeness (not the Book Shelf!) no war, etc.
When each child is twelve they go through a ceremony in which the Elders select a life’s work for each of them. Jonas gets selected for the high honor of becoming the Receiver of Memories and begins his studies with the “Giver.”
With each chapter I felt sadder and sadder and weighed down with this Community. Somewhere in the course of their history they chose being safe over other liberties and pleasures in life. DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR in this Dubya-infused life??
Anyway, LP and I both enjoyed it. Give it a try if you see The Giver on a used book shelf.
PS: Not everyone loved it. I was looking at the reviews on B&N and ran across this. I LOL’d:

Mona, I am a book worm!, July 5, 2006,
Horrible book!
I did not like this book at all. It was very boring and heard like a movie. I didn't think it was entertaining and I had to actually make myself finish reading it. That was how boring it was! I do not recomand it!

“Heard like a movie”? hm.

Questions from the Uncool

What exactly are iTunes? Can you use a plain old iPod?
I see more and more tv shows are "available on iTunes" but I have no idea how it works. Is it expensive? And how can a person see details of a television show on such a tiny screen? I think it would cause headaches. Is it expensive?

I'm thanking you.

Betsy

My cousin Betsy died yesterday of ovarian cancer. She was 51 and a great example of someone who followed her “bliss.” She was an actor for 24 years. After getting her Bachelor’s at Indiana University, she went to University of California at San Diego for her Master’s and then settled in Chicago and acted in regional theater for years before moving to Kansas City where she and her husband acted in and directed many productions. She had a twelve year old son named Aidan. I feel for him—losing your mother at such a young age.
As a kid, I always enjoyed visiting Betsy’s family at their Indiana farm. We kids loved to throw out baled hay from the barn loft, and swim in their muddy pond. We all thought that was a hoot.
When she and her older sister were teenagers, they seemed very glamorous to me. Both of them knew from when they were young that they wanted to act. And both did, to relative success I might add. My aunt and uncle were very supportive of all their kids. They were fine examples of parenting.
Both Betsy and her sister Laura made their livings doing what they loved. How many people are lucky enough to say that?
As many cousins do, we kind of lost track of each other and only exchanged yearly Christmas cards and letters. Even so, I’ll miss her. She was a very cool person. Bye Betsy.

Putting your virtual pet on your blog

Helping the less fortunate:

First you have to decide where you want your animal to show up on the blog. Initially I made the mistake of putting the code at the bottom of the template code, so Bob & Bob showed up at the very end of my blog. You had to scroll all the way down and they were hanging at the end. Hanging at the end can be painful. So I decided the best place would be after my blog profile. So here’s what you do:

Go to the Adopt a Virtual Pet Link.
Adopt your pet.
Press finish and it will take you to Step 3 in the process.
Cut and Paste the entire code in the box that’s marked “if you are using MySpace, Friendster or Freewebs”
Now, sign onto Blogger.
Click on your blog and go to Template.
Scroll down about ¾’s of the way past all the gobbledy gook . . .Blogger header, post, comment ,
You should see something like this:

$BlogMemberProfile$

!-- End #profile –

After that line press Enter a few times to create a few blank lines.

Now Paste in the Virtual Pet code that you Cut

Now press Save Template Changes

Now Refresh your blog and then Bingo-Bango, your Pet Appears!

Bob Squared

Like several other Shelfers I have adopted cyber pets. A purple Monkey named Bob and a pink Llama named Bob. The Llama will say hi if you double click on him. Give them both some love!

Oh! Reno 911's season premiere was last night and was splendid: Dangle is auditioning for a Reno remake of West Side Story. Complete with Bob Fosse's "JAZZ HANDS." And Weigel is preggers by a sperm bank donor. Don't know yet who her baby daddy is, but Dangle, Jonesy, Garcia AND Junior all looked as if they'd made deposits at the sperm bank and received the $31, orange juice and a cookie as thanks.

Lazy Sunday

What a lazy Sunday. I slept until 9. Got up and made coffee and watched Samantha Brown on Little Palm Island resort in Florida. I love Samantha Brown. If I wasn't so incredibly sane I'd be her stalker.
Then I cleaned out the cat's litter box, and dusted. As you all probably know by now, I hate dusting. I've instructed all those who live here, including the cat, not to shed or molt or leave their skin particles around so that they'll drift onto the television, coffee table, etc.
I'm thinking of getting one of those ionizers. They're supposed to cut down on dust AND freshen the air. Probably a gimmick though.
I had leftover Special Rice for lunch and a piece of hot pepper cheese. My Diet-that's-not-a-diet is going pretty well. My clothes are loose and I can pull down this pair of jeans I'm wearing without even unzipping and unsnapping them. Only 300 more pounds to go and I'll be rail thin with a huge head like the Hollywood Lollipop Girls Nicole Richie and Mary Kate. Maybe they'll invite me to go clubbing with them!
Anyway, I watched part of Columbo on the Hallmark Channel. I'd seen this episodet fifty million times before (it was the one with Anne Baxter as a movie star who wanted to kill a gossip columnist-writer and ended up killing her assistant instead) so I turned off the TV and went out and moved some plants around. I dunno. They looked pretty sad when I dug them out and replanted them. I watered them in well so maybe they'll make it and maybe they won't. Eh.
Instead of reading my semi-intellectaul Mockingbird book, I took the current National Enquirer out on the porch. Stedman Graham, don't you know, is considered writing a Tell All about his and Oprah's long affair. The gossip is that they are splitsville but Oprah is depositing HUGE amounts of money into his bank account to buy him off and shut him up. One of the Super Secrets that Stedman is set to spill? OPRAH IS A DIVA and expects everyone to AGREE with her or GET OUT! She wants to be waited on hand and foot. You'd never know this if you watch her show
(--0---0---)

What's on the agenda

Friday: I got my teeth cleaned ( a shoutout here to my gummy buddy Schell). They had this new dental assistant, Teresa, who did a nice job, but before we started she proclaimed, "I do things a little differently from the rest of them. No spit bowl. Hardly anyone uses a spit bowl anymore."

We had to go the vaccummed suck-tube route. I hate that thing. I WANT MY SPIT BOWL. It gets more crap out of my mouth. So, Teresa be damned, I used the freaking spit bowl anyway. Well, a combo spit bowl and suck-tube thing. She was very thorough and told me to "turn this way" and "turn that way" while I tried to watch Pink perform on the Today show. Are you a spit bowl person or a suck-tube person?

After the cleaning I went back to work for a few hours before I had to take LP to the orthodontist (sometimes that job just interferes with my life.) They're overly friendly at his ortho's loudly addressing the waiting room every twenty minutes with a cheery "I've just made some fresh coffeee! There's juice and herbal tea if you prefer! Enjoy!"
I forgot to bring my book with, so I read two People magazines (one with newlyweds Nicole and Keith, and one with country stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.) So, two People magazines, and two Woman's Day magzines each stating on the cover that you can lose UP TO FOURTEEN POUNDS IN A WEEK!. LP finally emerged before I had to start on the Seventeen magazines.
LP and I had a bigass argument on the way home because he's grounded and insisted that I treat him like an adult and let him go outside for a "few hours" tonight. No. Grounded means grounded and NO. "That's messed up." "I said I was sorry!" "So I just have to hang around the shitty house all damned weekend??!" Sigh. Yes, that's what it means dammit to hell.
Weeded, mowed the lawn last night, and watered my containers.





Saturday: Weatherwise it's going from incredibly wonderful in the past two days to very humid. You know, the kind of weather where you step outside and your skin wants to slide off. I might go and see The Break Up today--depends. I got my B& N order yesterday and I started on Mockingbird last night. It's a biography of Harper Lee and it's good so far.
Spideybunny: I also ordered another Lucy book...this one is by Jess Oppenheimer who was partly responsible for the success of I Love Lucy. I'll let you know how it is.
Also today I get to do laundry. YAY. It seems at times that the washing machine and I are joined at the hip. I need to gas up the car too. (Meme look away now). Are yo uall aware that gas prices leaped yet again? Around here it's 3.06 a gallon. As Bp so elequently puts it, "thieving bastards!" ha.

That's all for now. I'm finishing my coffee before it gets cold.

Caption time!

Enter a caption for this picture. 

Girl Crush

Here's Jorja Fox. She plays Sarah Sidle on CSI. She's 38 today, and has the cutest gap-toothed smile this side of David Letterman

Cunta Kinte

I adore Margaret Cho. I just finished her book I Have Chosen to Stay & Fight. It’s pure liberal bliss. I heartedly recommend it. She gives us her views on gay marriage, Dubya, the Iraq War, Right Wing nutjobs, racists, homophobes and a plethora of other tasty subjects. Here’s her opinion of Ann Coulter. Like Buttah.

“People get so pissed off at Ann Coulter. I hadn’t seen her before, but when her name is mentioned in my circles muthafuckas go off. . . . .I dove into Ann’s writing, which is a cross between bizarre accusations about liberal politicians and psychobabble hyperbolic lies that make no sense. The conservative men love her because she is a loyal slave to the status quo. She is Cunta Kinte.. As well as betraying her gender, as a notoriously antifeminist woman hater, she is also racist, homophobic, without compassion, inhumane, arrogant, dishonest, contradictory, not funny, has an arguing technique that compares closely to ‘I know you are but what am I?’, wears red leather miniskirts and is just plain fucking wrong.”

Skip this if you're bored w/ my garden pictures

Same area--calendula, coneflowers, lilies and upfront you can barely see the shasta daisies I planted a month ago.

Here are more coneflowers, which I love but are very invasive. In front is lavender, and a volunteer sunflower almost ready. 

Here is the Russian sage, along with the coneflowers. 

Monday it was pouring here. You can see the rain in these pictures. I was on the front porch and took some pictures. Late June, early July is a good time for the garden because things are in full bloom. A few days ago my monarda opened up (shut up Bert) It's not the red-red- type, but it's almost fucshia.

the Fourth

Larry David and Ouija Boards

Today is Larry David’s 59 birthday. Happy birthday you enthusiastic bastard! I love you and your hybrid-driving self.

I think it was Urban who asked a few posts ago how LP was doing. He’s doing great thanks. On Wednesday we have a follow up appointment with his surgeon.
He’s also in summer 2 session because he blew off most of his freshman year in high school. He goes from 7 to noon everyday until the end of the month. I told him it’s time to pay the piper.

Yesterday he asked me about Ouija boards and if they predicted the future. He told me his friend David said that according to the Ouija board, he (David) was going to die when he was 48—of a gunshot wound to the head. So, needless to say, we discussed Ouija boards and the whole fortune telling crappola. I told him that basically only Dr. Kevorkian’s patients, and Dead Men Walking know when they’re going to die. I’m glad he asked me about it.

BP's away on business. I left him a voice mail message telling him I wanted sex.

Check this out

I was just reading about blu’s Amsterdam plans and she commented that if she patronized a hash bar there and had a job to go back to, she might be drug tested. I have never had a job where I had to be drug tested, but BP does. It’s all random. Is this standard operating procedure?
In my company they’ve been running background checks on new employees to see if they’ve raped, murdered, robbed, etc anyone. They even run credit checks for godsakes! Thank God I’m kind of grandfathered in. It costs $35 to do these background check and they aren’t even thorough. I think some company somewhere must be making oodles of dough checking up on people. Oh, I think it’s necessary to a degree, but I still think it’s Orwellian.
What about other kinds of checks? Off the top of my head I can think of three employees (not in my department) who drink to excess and come back from every lunch smelling like Sam Adams. Another one has beaten the shit out of his wife. Another one (it’s a big place) has a favorite place he likes to disappear for hours and catch up on his zzzzzz’s. Do people actually go to work to work?

Chelsea Handler

This is Chelsea Handler. She is the most unfunny "Funny person" on television today. Why does this woman have a Comedy Central TV show? She's obnoxious. She's boring. She's not funny.

The Devil Wears Prada

The Good News:

1. Meryl Streep needs to be nominated for her role as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. She steals every scene as the Bitch-from-Hell Boss. She speaks softly but would just as soon slit your throat rather than look at you. Exxxxxcellent. I love Meryl.

2. Stanley Tucci. What role hasn’t this guy excelled in? He’s such fun to watch.

3. Emily Blunt. WTF is Emily Blunt? I don’t know, but she was great as Miranda’s put-upon assistant. When she and Anne Hathaway share the scene, you look at her, not the star.

The Bad News:

1. Who cast Anne Hathaway as heroine Andrea Sachs? Do you believe she’s the “ugly duckling”? Do we believe her when Miranda calls her fat and ungainly? Not just no, but hell no. The whole cast was believable but her. It’s not her fault---she just shouldn’t have been cast in the first place.


This movie was both fun and funny but it had a predicable ending. Still, I’d give it an A-

 

Pajama Gnomes

Orbie made my day!!! She sent me PJs with these BEAUTIFUL GNOMES on them! Orbie, you are wonderful, thank you so much! LP was in the kitchen with me when I opened the package. He said, "What the hell? You ordered THOSE? You've gone too far!" hahahaha he's always saying I have too many gnomes (is there such a thing?)

All over the PJs are gnomes in various states of travel....with a poodle . . in a gondola . . . with a camera . . . in a cab . . . by a bull in Spain. They are beautiful. Orbie: Thank you thank you thank you.